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I didn't read the whole thread but the way to do it is to be direct.
You tell her in person and say that you don't want to see her anymore, or to continue the relationship.
You are sure this is what you want to do and what needs to be done.
My rule was that once I made the decision then the next time I saw the person I would break up. It is not fair to drag it on when you don't want to be there. It is fair to let her go, and let yourself go.
Be honest and say that you are fighting too much and it's not working out or something to that effect. The truth is, if you are fighting all the time, it is a sign that it is time to separate.
No hard feelings because you had something special and that is meaningful but sometimes it is time to go.
OP, something I've learned from having friends, girlfriends, wives, family members is that, there is nothing at all wrong with lending people money. But there is a very fine line between being helpful and being enabling. Your heart is in the right place, but what you may need to consider is that you're not, in fact, helping this woman.
Because when I asked for people's advice on here, they said things like she is manipulating me, and that I should. So I thought my heart maybe is not the best judgement and that maybe I should break up with her.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
Because when I asked for people's advice on here, they said things like she is manipulating me, and that I should. So I thought my heart maybe is not the best judgement and that maybe I should break up with her.
And I think you should to.
But dammit, dude, we're strangers. You're an adult. Think. Use that noggin. Make up your own mind and make a darn decision. It's not that hard.
Okay thanks, I guess I just sometimes feel like helping out a gf if I love her.
There is a huge difference between "helping out" your GF and buying a few bags of groceries or new tire for her car or chipping in for the electric bill because money is very tight for her one month and supporting her because she voluntarily left her business and lost money or because she is supporting someone else is just crazy. A big difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
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What about her resorting to selling my promise ring, cause she needs to pay bills, what do you think of that?
My husband and I said the "for better or worse, in good times and in bad" etc. vows when we married.
Unfortunately there have been plenty of Bad Times and then even Worse Times. Frankly, I would sooner sell my kidney on the black market than ever consider selling my wedding ring or engagement ring. Your GF can do what I did during our bad times, get a second job in addition to the current full time job and if that is not enough get a third job to help with the money.
At one point, I had a fulltime job, a part time job and also two other very part time paying gigs (when my husband developed dementia and lost his good paying career and then had cancer and could not work at all). Yes, four jobs and I still helped care for my ill husband, that is what a real adult woman does when she has financial difficulties. A real adult woman does not beg her current lover for money. Sheesh, is she 12 years old or a hooker?
She is playing you for an absolute fool.
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