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Certainly we all can agree that the best way is
1. Not to break your head about it.
2. Go and practice, start approaching the lasses.
Practice makes the master. Stepping out of the comfort zone, it shall be...
I will be doing this for the first time then. It WILL be uncomfortable... Of course, it will be not the best experience! What about you lads and lasses, may someone share his own experiences? I mean we all had our first time, didn't we?
The first two times that I went out to do some direct cold approaching in the street, I went home without doing any!
I walked around, bottled out, made an excuse, and went home.
Third time was a charm. I saw this beatiful woman who was turning heads, and something just made me stop her.
I stopped thinking and just jumped in.
It was a really good experience. She ended up having a boyfriend (showed me the background pic on her phone), but fair enough. I was just pleased to have finally done it.
I was so thrilled that I immediately ran over to another stunning girl further down the street, who completely blew me out.
Peaks and valleys, mate
It will be a great experience that you won't likely forget.
The first two times that I went out to do some direct cold approaching in the street, I went home without doing any!
I walked around, bottled out, made an excuse, and went home.
Third time was a charm. I saw this beatiful woman who was turning heads, and something just made me stop her.
I stopped thinking and just jumped in.
It was a really good experience. She ended up having a boyfriend (showed me the background pic on her phone), but fair enough. I was just pleased to have finally done it.
I was so thrilled that I immediately ran over to another stunning girl further down the street, who completely blew me out.
Peaks and valleys, mate
It will be a great experience that you won't likely forget.
Sounds like me. Except of the part that I tried...
Quote:
The first two times that I went out to do some direct cold approaching in the street, I went home without doing any!
I walked around, bottled out, made an excuse, and went home.
That's me. Just excuses... When I tell here, "OK, I'll do it" it is nothing than empty words.
Although well done, lad! How do things look like for you now?
Look, you are only 18 years old. That is nothing. You have the next 25 years of playing the field, if you like, before settling down.
And, if you start making the effort now, you'll be in a really great place within a year or two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoyalGeneral
Sounds like me. Except of the part that I tried...
That's me. Just excuses... When I tell here, "OK, I'll do it" it is nothing than empty words.
Although well done, lad! How do things look like for you now?
If we are talking about approaching women, I still remember my first ever cold-approach.
17 years old, I walk over to this girl in a club:
F1end: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No thanks.
F1end: (walks away embarrassed).
Smooootttthhh.
When I say that I "started approaching women", I mean that I started really making a big effort to do it, learn it, and get good at it. That was probably in 2014/2015.
It's changed my life significantly. And not just with women and sex either. I've also learnt a lot about myself, and about other people.
I really, really, really wish that I'd have started doing that earlier though. Rather than just relying mostly on my social circle.
Consider yourself very fortunate. And you even have resources such as this, and people to speak with, to help you too.
Down to you now. You have to make the effort yourself.
Go out, stop a girl, and give her a compliment. That would be a start. Don't even worry about getting numbers, just focus on breaking that barrier. That's my advice.
At least you see the issue and are considering options. I was twenty when I had my first girlfriend. Like you, I was more introverted when it came to asking girls out. In school I had no problem talking to girls, I just had a horrible self-esteem issue and the older I got, my lack of experience caused me problems. My problems were only made worse when instead of leaving home for college, I stayed and commuted, plus my core group of friends with similar girl issues went to the same school.
Unlike you I wasn't active in anything, plus I was the "good kid." I didn't have an overwhelming desire for tons of friends, but I did want a girlfriend. Looking back I also didn't grasp human relationship dynamics. Came from a family where 90% of my entire extended family stayed in one metro area. Had a handful of relatives that lived with my grandparents in their adult years, two their entire lives. My folks didn't go away to college. While my family was active and we did things like vacations, amusement parks, etc., I never really did much outside of movies and eating out with friends.
What saved me from a life of being single forever was going away to a college program. Lived with some big party types. It was there I started to drink. Personally, sometimes just have a couple of drinks to get a buzz is all that is needed to start becoming more social. I always thought people would think of me as boring, a dork, etc.. Even with my negatives, that social interaction with lots of new people helped push me to open up. I got my first girlfriend that summer, though the relationship didn't last long. Once back home I reverted back into my old self as I wasn't yet 21 and my friend group still hadn't gotten into the party scene. Eventually we all got into the party scene, though were were more of a low key group. I was still too focused on getting settled down quickly, but many of my friends and co-workers were doing just that, and there can be this fear of being alone forever. I also didn't branch out enough. We didn't have Facebook and such to keep close connections.
What you need to do right now is consider stepping into the party scene. You don't have to drink if you don't want too. If you do drink you can do so in light moderation. Put a two drink max and stick with it. If you decide to drink more, make sure you can crash somewhere. Unfortunately many social scenes for people in your generation involve alcohol, in fact many similar scenes for much older generations revolve around boozing it up to some extent.
As far as girls go, I felt the same as you, but honestly, while I wasn't outgoing enough during my single times, I actually don't recall ever getting rejected. Looking back I had many opportunities to likely get anything from a casual relationship, to a one night stand, to a serious relationship. I completely would just not see the clues and fear of rejection plus personal insecurity/regret made me miss out on so many opportunities. Thankfully I did find someone who I could relate too and she is my wife now. Unfortunately, like me, she was an odd ball and while I'm mostly happy in my marriage, my wife can't mentally handle children, so we are a childless couple and sometimes I wonder what it would've been like to have a couple of kids.
I don't know where you live but get out there and do the things your generation is doing. Go to concerts and music festivals, go to the beach, go to the local swimming hole, go to parties that you think are more low or middle of the road (not hard core hard drunk parties with gang members), join organizations, get a job that is social and allows you to work with a lot of people your own age (introduce yourself to all these people, view both the girls and guys as the same). Being a late bloomer really screwed me over mentally. The older I got, the harder it was to deal with dating young women who had so much more experience in relationships. Don't let this happen to you.
At least you see the issue and are considering options. I was twenty when I had my first girlfriend. Like you, I was more introverted when it came to asking girls out. In school I had no problem talking to girls, I just had a horrible self-esteem issue and the older I got, my lack of experience caused me problems. My problems were only made worse when instead of leaving home for college, I stayed and commuted, plus my core group of friends with similar girl issues went to the same school.
Unlike you I wasn't active in anything, plus I was the "good kid." I didn't have an overwhelming desire for tons of friends, but I did want a girlfriend. Looking back I also didn't grasp human relationship dynamics. Came from a family where 90% of my entire extended family stayed in one metro area. Had a handful of relatives that lived with my grandparents in their adult years, two their entire lives. My folks didn't go away to college. While my family was active and we did things like vacations, amusement parks, etc., I never really did much outside of movies and eating out with friends.
What saved me from a life of being single forever was going away to a college program. Lived with some big party types. It was there I started to drink. Personally, sometimes just have a couple of drinks to get a buzz is all that is needed to start becoming more social. I always thought people would think of me as boring, a dork, etc.. Even with my negatives, that social interaction with lots of new people helped push me to open up. I got my first girlfriend that summer, though the relationship didn't last long. Once back home I reverted back into my old self as I wasn't yet 21 and my friend group still hadn't gotten into the party scene. Eventually we all got into the party scene, though were were more of a low key group. I was still too focused on getting settled down quickly, but many of my friends and co-workers were doing just that, and there can be this fear of being alone forever. I also didn't branch out enough. We didn't have Facebook and such to keep close connections.
What you need to do right now is consider stepping into the party scene. You don't have to drink if you don't want too. If you do drink you can do so in light moderation. Put a two drink max and stick with it. If you decide to drink more, make sure you can crash somewhere. Unfortunately many social scenes for people in your generation involve alcohol, in fact many similar scenes for much older generations revolve around boozing it up to some extent.
As far as girls go, I felt the same as you, but honestly, while I wasn't outgoing enough during my single times, I actually don't recall ever getting rejected. Looking back I had many opportunities to likely get anything from a casual relationship, to a one night stand, to a serious relationship. I completely would just not see the clues and fear of rejection plus personal insecurity/regret made me miss out on so many opportunities. Thankfully I did find someone who I could relate too and she is my wife now. Unfortunately, like me, she was an odd ball and while I'm mostly happy in my marriage, my wife can't mentally handle children, so we are a childless couple and sometimes I wonder what it would've been like to have a couple of kids.
I don't know where you live but get out there and do the things your generation is doing. Go to concerts and music festivals, go to the beach, go to the local swimming hole, go to parties that you think are more low or middle of the road (not hard core hard drunk parties with gang members), join organizations, get a job that is social and allows you to work with a lot of people your own age (introduce yourself to all these people, view both the girls and guys as the same). Being a late bloomer really screwed me over mentally. The older I got, the harder it was to deal with dating young women who had so much more experience in relationships. Don't let this happen to you.
I tried to rate you positively, but I'm not sure that it worked - cause I'm such a noob.
I love it when men speak honestly about their lives. And you deserve some credit.
Let's face it, all of us messed up in certain ways. That is real life.
Personally, I was always a good looking kid. Therefore, I got relationships from that alone. I literally never bothered to learn the skills to get women wherever and whenever I wanted. And that badly stunted my personal development.
I seriously think that any man should advance himself to the point of being able to approach any woman at any time. And I would be very happy to discuss the nuances with any person that disagrees.
It's simply a skill that each guy should learn. And it will change his entire perspective.
Why? you will make a ton of perfect reasonable reasons to not do it, you will say i'll start tomorrow, you will overthink it... just as so many things in life that are unconfortable... But you will anyways do it... and then realize how it was horrible for a sec, then not that bad.
The second time you are going to remember that first annoying moment of freaking freezing water in your body and you will start thinking again...
'just do it' 'not think about it' and embrace that 1 sec of uncomfortable freezing water, then around 3 mins of not that painful as you think it would be, shower.
This way you are training yourself to do rewarding uncofortable stuff, EACH DAY.
why rewarding? cold showers not only give you stress relief, ton of health beneficts, and wake you up... if you are having a lazy day, and you take one of those, you will become a freaking productivity machine
Also you will teach your brain that overthinking is in fact an inaccurate way of thinking, since you everyday will confront and show yourself that what you were thinking was in fact lies you make to yourself.
There are guys way older than you OP who never had one
I know I used to think that I was unique in never having had anything pertaining to relationships. I'm 28 and never had one. Had a speech impediment growing up and was a poor only child under a single mom. Dad never cared to be around. Most of my life I've been socially awkward and probably have moderate social anxiety. Going up and speaking to girls or women is something I've never been able to do even now. Now I'm 28 and have had to work at places like Walmart stocking shelves and other retail to help support me and my mom who hasent had a job in years. We've been living with my 70 some year old diabetic grandfather for quite a while now while we both go to a community college. He had a stroke in his eye and can't see out of it and I have a blood clot in my leg and have had to skip this semester of school due to that and financial aid being cut off. If he dies we will probably be on the street for the third time in our lives. We also live outside of the city where I go to school and sometimes work and that has been very isolating at times.
The point in me saying all this is to let the OP know that his situation is indeed not unique and there are people out there who have it just as bad if not worse. Being 18 and in college, he has his whole life ahead of him. I still have hope at 28 which is still considered young, despite all the setbacks and shortcomings I've had and have. Having confidence is hard, and unfortunately when it comes to being a guy, you have to have it or else you're pretty much not going to get anywhere when it comes to this aspect of your life. Maybe you'll find someone who will get to know you and look past the lack of initial confidence you have. I wish sometimes that I could meet someone like that but it seems pretty rare, at least in the area that I live in. I would say keep your head up and focus on school and the things you like to do. The girls will come.
I love it when men speak honestly about their lives. And you deserve some credit.
Personally, I was always a good looking kid. Therefore, I got relationships from that alone. I literally never bothered to learn the skills to get women wherever and whenever I wanted. And that badly stunted my personal development.
Thanks for your comments. Even if the OP is the troll some have claimed, I do hope that my story just helps younger guys who might be heading down a similar path. I can't complain too much, as I did eventually find a good person to marry, but getting what I needed and wanted came at some huge costs. I actually think I likely has average to above average looks. In the end, almost every girl I dated or ended up dancing with a club was at least average to good looking. I do wonder how much different things would've been for many guys of my generation if we would've had things like forums and social media to find various levels of advice.
Look, you are only 18 years old. That is nothing. You have the next 25 years of playing the field, if you like, before settling down.
And, if you start making the effort now, you'll be in a really great place within a year or two.
18 + 25 = 43. I'm 44 now. So I guess I should be done playing the field now, and just forget about ever trying to date or have a relationship. I consider myself doomed to be single forever. I have failed at life.
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