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I think cheating is far worse then snooping. A friend of mine caught her husband trying to arrange a girlfriend experience with a prostitute. Had she not snooped he may have gone through with it. The marriage could have dissolved or he could have brought something serious home with him.
My phone is on the table for John to look at any time he wishes. We have no secrets. It doesn't bother me at all if he looks at it or uses it to look up something. I don't consider it snooping at all.
I think cheating is far worse then snooping. A friend of mine caught her husband trying to arrange a girlfriend experience with a prostitute. Had she not snooped he may have gone through with it. The marriage could have dissolved or he could have brought something serious home with him.
My phone is on the table for John to look at any time he wishes. We have no secrets. It doesn't bother me at all if he looks at it or uses it to look up something. I don't consider it snooping at all.
Ok, so she found out? now what? she wants to be with someone she can't trust? Someone that wanted to do something like that? Believe me, the guy will just find a better way to sneak around if that's what he wants to do. Just because snooping made you catch someone, doesn't mean anything other than that's quite a pathetic relationship to be in if you have to monitor the other person.
I don't have anything to hide, but that doesn't mean my husband needs to read my emails and texts. Doesn't mean I can't have private conversations. it's not about not having anything to hide. If you don't trust your partner, you have nothing. If I didn't trust my husband, I wouldn't be there, end of story.
Ok, so she found out? now what? she wants to be with someone she can't trust? Someone that wanted to do something like that? Believe me, the guy will just find a better way to sneak around if that's what he wants to do. Just because snooping made you catch someone, doesn't mean anything other than that's quite a pathetic relationship to be in if you have to monitor the other person.
I don't have anything to hide, but that doesn't mean my husband needs to read my emails and texts. Doesn't mean I can't have private conversations. it's not about not having anything to hide. If you don't trust your partner, you have nothing. If I didn't trust my husband, I wouldn't be there, end of story.
In a loving relatioship, I dont believe in privacy. Everything should be accessible at any time, whether it be an email, phone, etc; that's how we gain and remain trustworthy. Blindly trusting someone is silly, IMO. Trust has to be earned in my book.
Let's see. One involves planning, discreet conversations, coordinating schedules, meeting someplace out of the way, shucking clothes, and coupling in a hot, sweaty, gasping, orgiastic mess, followed by getting dressed again, going one's separate ways, and telling your significant other that nothing of consequence happened that day.
One involves picking up your significant other's phone and looking through the e-mails.
Yep. Snooping is much worse than outright cheating.
My wife doesn't snoop, nor do I snoop on her either. She knows my passwords and occasionally uses my phone.
In a loving relatioship, I dont believe in privacy. Everything should be accessible at any time, whether it be an email, phone, etc; that's how we gain and remain trustworthy. Blindly trusting someone is silly, IMO. Trust has to be earned in my book.
I never said trust shouldn't be earned. I dated my husband for years before getting engaged, and we were super casual the first year while we got to know each other. I also dealt with my issues from other relationships, where I was cheated on. But you don't earn trust by reading emails and texts, you earn it by actually getting to know the person very well and trusting your own good judgement. Most people show who they really are early on, but people are so anxious for a relationship they ignore warning signs in the beginning.
But now that I have chosen to marry this person, have kids, I trust him. Why would I marry him if I didn't trust him. Sure, something could happen in the future, no guarantees in life. But in the meantime, why would I spend my time snooping. Also, if I did find something from snooping, like the other poster who found the arranged meeting, I wouldn't feel like I saved my marriage by finding it, I would think quite the opposite.
If you don't believe in privacy, that's your choice, and wouldn't work for me. But if that works for you that's cool. My husband is the one who taught me how to lock my phone. I used to leave it just sitting around never locked. He works in IT, and is huge on internet privacy, he was actually annoyed with me I didn't lock my phone, in case it got lost. And no, he doesn't need my password. But if we are out and he has forgotten his phone, sure he is free to use it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean we are one person. I have chats with other people, so does he, he doesn't need to read those chats. Not because they are bad, but just because I'm still a person with my own friends and my own thoughts.
You can't monitor someone, if they want to cheat badly enough, they will find a way. I would bet money the husband who got caught just found a better way not to get caught.
I never said trust shouldn't be earned. I dated my husband for years before getting engaged, and we were super casual the first year while we got to know each other. I also dealt with my issues from other relationships, where I was cheated on. But you don't earn trust by reading emails and texts, you earn it by actually getting to know the person very well and trusting your own good judgement. Most people show who they really are early on, but people are so anxious for a relationship they ignore warning signs in the beginning.
But now that I have chosen to marry this person, have kids, I trust him. Why would I marry him if I didn't trust him. Sure, something could happen in the future, no guarantees in life. But in the meantime, why would I spend my time snooping. Also, if I did find something from snooping, like the other poster who found the arranged meeting, I wouldn't feel like I saved my marriage by finding it, I would think quite the opposite.
If you don't believe in privacy, that's your choice, and wouldn't work for me. But if that works for you that's cool. My husband is the one who taught me how to lock my phone. I used to leave it just sitting around never locked. He works in IT, and is huge on internet privacy, he was actually annoyed with me I didn't lock my phone, in case it got lost. And no, he doesn't need my password. But if we are out and he has forgotten his phone, sure he is free to use it. Being in a relationship doesn't mean we are one person. I have chats with other people, so does he, he doesn't need to read those chats. Not because they are bad, but just because I'm still a person with my own friends and my own thoughts.
You can't monitor someone, if they want to cheat badly enough, they will find a way. I would bet money the husband who got caught just found a better way not to get caught.
For me, trust is an ongoing process.
One thing Ive learned throughout all my relationships (including my marriage) is that...no matter how much you think you know your partner, you have know idea what they're thinking, Lol. I for one, dont trust anyone 100%. Although, 99% is good enough for me.
One thing Ive learned throughout all my relationships (including my marriage) is that...no matter how much you think you know your partner, you have know idea what they're thinking, Lol. I for one, dont trust anyone 100%. Although, 99% is good enough for me.
Like I said though, no one knows what the future holds. That is just life. My husband could fall out of love with me tomorrow and leave me, it happens. Snooping won't make that any more or less likely to happen. Actually it would make it more likely to happen since we do not have that type of relationship.
And you are right, we don't always know what the other person is thinking, nor should we.
And again, if someone is sneaky and wants to cheat, and knows you snoop, they will just find a way to be sneakier and not get caught.
Ok, so she found out? now what? she wants to be with someone she can't trust? Someone that wanted to do something like that? Believe me, the guy will just find a better way to sneak around if that's what he wants to do. Just because snooping made you catch someone, doesn't mean anything other than that's quite a pathetic relationship to be in if you have to monitor the other person.
I don't have anything to hide, but that doesn't mean my husband needs to read my emails and texts. Doesn't mean I can't have private conversations. it's not about not having anything to hide. If you don't trust your partner, you have nothing. If I didn't trust my husband, I wouldn't be there, end of story.
Yeah I hear you. I don't know why my friend stays in her marriage, and yes, he could find another way. It's not for me to judge their decision to stay together. When they went to marriage counseling the counselor told him that he needed to allow my friend to see his phone any time she wanted to see it. Sometimes checks and balances are needed. It's not always so black and white. This is a very long term marriage and it wasn't worth it to both of them to dissolve it over and almost indiscretion. Yes the trust was eroded and had to be rebuilt. To rebuild it takes being up front and transparent. It was a trade off on his part to give up some of his privacy for the sake of mending a terrible wound. When you destroy trust, you have to rebuild it or the relationship is doomed. He was very remorseful over what he had done, and being transparent was a small price to pay to save their marriage.
My husband doesn't read every text, or listen to every conversation I have with my friends. We don't have trust issues. It's a wonderful thing to have that kind of marriage, but, you still never know what things come along in life to tempt fate. Being 100% transparent eliminates the guessing.
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