Would you settle if your options dried up (wife, men, older)
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Well, I've never felt like I had tons of options (that I actually wanted) anyway. I guess the main difference at my current age is that a lot more men are already married as opposed to when I was 25. Also, at this point, I don't really think I want kids whereas I probably thought I did at 25. So since I'm not concerned about having kids, there's really no need to settle.
I am of child bearing age (can't have kids though), but I too rather be alone than with the wrong man. Been there, done that, got the hat and it's not worth it. Being alone is much, much better.
Pretty much. There are billions of people on this planet. If you can't find a mate, it's not due to lack of options. Or you have impossibly high standards/are too picky. That doesn't mean it's easy to find someone, far from it. It just means there are multiple matches out there for you and saying there are none is defeatist.
Edited to add, I think maybe what most people mean when they say "there is no one out there for me" is "I've given up spending the energy to find someone for me." People are loath to say they give up, so the pass blame. Not sure why. There is nothing wrong with putting energy into pursuits other than finding a mate.
The number of matches depends on a location and broad sets of life priorities, and it can be very very tiny number or none just based on those two criteria, nothing else. Under those circumstances one must essentially change who he/she is to get a mate, but it will be an adjusted mate and one basically has to trade his identity for that relationship. Is it a good deal, I dont know, many people have a strong ego that dont allow trades like that.
In order to settle, you have to have options. Settling is just another option. Think of the guys here who say they can't get women's attention, they can't get a date. How would they settle? In order to do that, one has to be able to get somebody's attention. "Settling" is for people who have the options to begin with.
Well, of course we have options. There are ALWAYS options - depending on your expectations. If all you want is a person with arms and legs - ...
Settling is when you have to lower your standards. You may have to consider dating somebody who has not everything on your checklist. Or you have to reconsider your dealbreakers.
Well, of course we have options. There are ALWAYS options - depending on your expectations. If all you want is a person with arms and legs - ...
Settling is when you have to lower your standards. You may have to consider dating somebody who has not everything on your checklist. Or you have to reconsider your dealbreakers.
But a person with arms and legs needs to express interest. They need to reciprocate a gesture of interest. It takes two to tango, and there are those who aren't able to get a tango partner to even have a conversation to find out about items on a checklist. That's what I was talking about. There have been examples of that posting here from time to time. How are some of the guys here supposed to "settle" when they can't even get a woman to engage in a conversation with them?
But a person with arms and legs needs to express interest. They need to reciprocate a gesture of interest. It takes two to tango, and there are those who aren't able to get a tango partner to even have a conversation to find out about items on a checklist. That's what I was talking about. There have been examples of that posting here from time to time. How are some of the guys here supposed to "settle" when they can't even get a woman to engage in a conversation with them?
Sure, but the typical male here complaining they can't get dates goes to work, comes home, and sits in front of their TV or their smartphone/laptop. It's kind of tough to engage in a conversation with women when you're a hermit.
At this point in my life, I'm pretty self-aware about what traits are essential for me and which traits are deal killers. I've learned that it's catastrophic to settle for someone with any of those deal-killer traits. There are 330 million people in the country. There are millions of available women who wouldn't be "settling". It's a matter of choosing the right tactics to actually meet some of them. The office and the sofa are never particularly good tactics for achieving that.
Settling is when you have to lower your standards.
Or reconcile that your "standards" are unreasonable.
Quote:
You may have to consider dating somebody who has not everything on your checklist.
Or reconcile that your "check list" is unrealistic.
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Or you have to reconsider your deal breakers.
Or reconcile that when it comes down to it... you really ain't all that.
Or even just the bag of chips.
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See the distinctions?
Maybe you really are objectively attractive (or were)...
but the rest of you (personality, intelligence, whatever) is just a mess.
Then coming to terms with the reality of what "options" you have (or ever had)
isn't "settling" at all. You just learned about your feet of clay.
At this point in my life my options drying up would be primarily due to my own sensibilities and what I need from life to feel fulfilled and happy in a committed relationship scenario.
Because of that, if they all went away I do not think I would be all that affected in the long run. It would just cause some temporary loneliness as life adjusted itself and moved on with or without others
I've lived in solitude before and strive to achieve it as much as possible these days to balance out the forced interactions and living conditions between others we are faced with everyday.
Its just in my nature.
However, for those accustomed to always having people around and life revolving around the interactions of others I could see that type of life being akin to a life not worth living and how the idea of the well of people suddenly drying up would be stressful or painful to think of ever happening.
To that, I can't offer any real solutions as I am not someone who really feels anything by this idea anymore. I could imagine that the me who exsisted In my 20's and early 30's I would have felt like the whole world was dying to think of such a thing happening, but still wouldn't be able to draw any real options as to how to "make it better"
Last edited by rego00123; 05-03-2017 at 01:13 PM..
I'm 33, and this is the first time in 5 years that I've put little energy into dating. Not because I don't want to date per say, but the reality for me right now is, I do have a good amount of hobbies that are taking up my time. I've also approached dating very differently this year, to where I'm going to focus A LOT more on myself, than I have in all my prior years of dating. By doing so, there's a chance I could miss out on someone for me.
I'm 33 too. At this point in my life, I would have to be waterboarded into settling down. I have a lot of hobbies: outdoor sports, trivia nights, board games, hiking, museums, etc. Most women my age that I meet seem content with just watching movies on Netflix and attending all-couples dinner parties. Neither of these is my idea of fun. And since it's allegedly easier to give up an existing hobby than to take up a new hobby, I don't want to be expected to give up what I enjoy just by virtue of settling down. I understand that I'll catch heat from the relationshipped community for wanting to be single, but oh well. I'm not writing off the possibility of meeting a fun woman, but barring that, I'm staying single for as long as my health lets me live alone safely.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
In order to settle, you have to have options. Settling is just another option. Think of the guys here who say they can't get women's attention, they can't get a date. How would they settle? In order to do that, one has to be able to get somebody's attention. "Settling" is for people who have the options to begin with.
It wasn't meant literally. "Settling", in this case, means getting into a relationship with the first person who shows interest in you, regardless of who they are, what they like to do, or how you feel about them. I myself did just that at age 18, first year of college. A girl in my class showed interest in me. Since I never dated before, let alone had a girlfriend, I jumped at the chance like a hyper chihuahua . I was happy to finally have a girlfriend, but it wasn't a fun relationship: we had virtually no matching interests, and I wasn't really attracted to her, either. It fell apart a few months later, with only a minimum of hurt feelings; she probably got turned off by my overeager, desperate behavior.
It wasn't meant literally. "Settling", in this case, means getting into a relationship with the first person who shows interest in you, regardless of who they are, what they like to do, or how you feel about them.
Yes, but someone has to show interest in you, or return the interest you show in them. All I'm saying is that the OP's query doesn't apply universally. "Settling" is an option not available to everyone.
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. I was happy to finally have a girlfriend, but it wasn't a fun relationship: we had virtually no matching interests, and I wasn't really attracted to her, either. It fell apart a few months later, with only a minimum of hurt feelings; she probably got turned off by my overeager, desperate behavior.
