Boyfriend doesn't understand medical issues (date, movies, loving, separate)

[txtqueen]

Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I guess I'm a little confused on the symptoms you had before the accident and then the ones that were added post accident, but I guess the bottom line question is:

Why do you stay with him?

I only had headaches. I've had them since I was 7 and only had a few a year by my early 20s.
Now after the accident have one or more a week, just two months ago they were happening nearly every day.

Originally Posted by Frihed89

OP, what does your doctor say about treatment for your symptoms? If there is no medical treatment, it might help you if you could think more positively (Not necessarily about your boyfriend, but about yourself).

Have you asked him to do anything in a positive way to help you? All I can read in this letter is: "don't do this; don't do that".

I have no idea what I'm going to do about the head trauma.
I have a cystic legion on my pineal gland I need to have looked into but right now I just try and avoid stress or things I know will cause me to feel worse.
They also found arthritis starting in my C2-C3 vertrebrae in my neck, which makes my neck hurt and I honk contributes to the headaches.

Right now the doctor Im seeing wants to treat my anxiety, depression and PTSD first and foremost.
Once I have that under control in a month or so she wants to revisit the issue of my headaches. They haven't found anything I do well on. They put me on beta blockers and both had side effects that were unbearable.

As for my stomach, I've been put on an antacid for my reflux and have had to make major diet changes.

Everything so far will be avoiding triggers and managing symptoms.

As for my back I may need another surgery. I don't know what can or will be done.


He gets his attitude from his dad.
If I see something sad on the news, I'll talk about how horrible it is and how I can't believe it happens.
My boyfriend is very "whatever **** happens".

Like our neighbor had cancer and had surgery and told my boyfriend he was going back to work a week after surgery and they cut him from his chest to his waist band and then across the top. A giant abdomen sized T shaped incision. He was going on and on about what a hard worker this guy was.
Funny enough he couldn't return to work after a well. Go figure he had just been cut open.
I mentioned the guy was risking infection(he does home renovation) going to a job like that with such a large wound.
Of course my boyfriend didn't care. His response was "so what? Sometimes you have to."

Lol. No you don't. I wouldn't risk an infection. I come first. It doesn't benefit anyone when you die because you don't do what's medically necessary to survive.

My boyfriend is the kind of person who thinks because he's "broke" and uninsured that if he got sick that he would just accept dying with pride because he wouldn't want to accept money he didn't work for.
I don't care how much I have in the bank if someone told me I was sick and could live with medical treatment
I'd be like idk what you have to do but do it, save me.

My family is very supportive and his family isn't.
He gets jealous when my grandmother helps me with anything or if his sister is helped by his parents.

[old_cold]

With all you say about him being so self reliant and not thinking anybody needs or should want anybody to help them, I'd say he should be just fine all by himself once you get rid of him, right

[KathrynAragon]

OP what did you do for a living prior to this accident? And are you working now? If not, what is your source of income?

[Frihed89]

Originally Posted by txtqueen

🙄



I only had headaches. I've had them since I was 7 and only had a few a year by my early 20s.
Now after the accident have one or more a week, just two months ago they were happening nearly every day.



I have no idea what I'm going to do about the head trauma.
I have a cystic legion on my pineal gland I need to have looked into but right now I just try and avoid stress or things I know will cause me to feel worse.
They also found arthritis starting in my C2-C3 vertrebrae in my neck, which makes my neck hurt and I honk contributes to the headaches.

Right now the doctor Im seeing wants to treat my anxiety, depression and PTSD first and foremost.
Once I have that under control in a month or so she wants to revisit the issue of my headaches. They haven't found anything I do well on. They put me on beta blockers and both had side effects that were unbearable.

As for my stomach, I've been put on an antacid for my reflux and have had to make major diet changes.

Everything so far will be avoiding triggers and managing symptoms.

As for my back I may need another surgery. I don't know what can or will be done.


He gets his attitude from his dad.
If I see something sad on the news, I'll talk about how horrible it is and how I can't believe it happens.
My boyfriend is very "whatever **** happens".

Like our neighbor had cancer and had surgery and told my boyfriend he was going back to work a week after surgery and they cut him from his chest to his waist band and then across the top. A giant abdomen sized T shaped incision. He was going on and on about what a hard worker this guy was.
Funny enough he couldn't return to work after a well. Go figure he had just been cut open.
I mentioned the guy was risking infection(he does home renovation) going to a job like that with such a large wound.
Of course my boyfriend didn't care. His response was "so what? Sometimes you have to."

Lol. No you don't. I wouldn't risk an infection. I come first. It doesn't benefit anyone when you die because you don't do what's medically necessary to survive.

My boyfriend is the kind of person who thinks because he's "broke" and uninsured that if he got sick that he would just accept dying with pride because he wouldn't want to accept money he didn't work for.
I don't care how much I have in the bank if someone told me I was sick and could live with medical treatment
I'd be like idk what you have to do but do it, save me.

My family is very supportive and his family isn't.
He gets jealous when my grandmother helps me with anything or if his sister is helped by his parents.

I didn't mean to offend you. My wife has serious stomach/intestinal issues that don't seem to have a medical diagnosis and are very painful. I hope you eventually find some kind of relief and manage to stay factual about it, as you have in your reply.

[homina12]

I did a quick search and it doesn't you've answered any questions designed to help us figure this out OP. Are you financially dependent on the BF? While he does sound like a first class turd, the accident had some impact on him, also. Not that the impact on him is a priority, but I wonder if you've talked through impact your accident likely had on your sex life, your employment prospects, activity level, and likely cognitive and possibly temperament changes. I don't say this to be cruel, but it sounds like you may never again be the person you were before the accident, OP. If that's true, have you told your boyfriend that difficult truth? In plain terms?

And then, OP, what would understanding look like? I can think of a lot of things, but what would it look like to you? By understanding, do you mean some intellectual grasp of things? Emotional acceptance? Or does understanding mean that he puts aside the real feelings he might have about what happened to you and the way that has changed things for you, for him, and for your relationship?

[HokieFan]

OP, I was going to suggest that you take him to a doctor's appointment so that the doctor can explain your limitations are because of a medical reason and not simply because you're "lazy". But then post #77* indicates that your BF lacks some ability to empathize. IMO, the ability to empathize is an inherent trait and I don't think any amount of explaining, talking, or even counseling is going to open your BF's eyes to your every day pain. I don't know that he will change.

Mod note: post numbers have changed due to deletions.

[AprilFlowers17]

Originally Posted by Jobster

Who cares?

The girl is in a difficult situation. Let her vent. What difference does it make. It's not a bad thing just to comfort people sometimes. Not everyone deals with situations the same way.

We don't know what her outlook is on life or how much she valued the ability to use her body. It's a terrible tragedy that happened to her.

+1

I posted a couple of pages back suggesting that she save up enough $$ to move out or for her to lawfully evict him so she doesn't have to live with someone who is so apathetic towards her and that has so little regard for how much she suffers emotionally and physically every day of her life.

I seriously feel bad for the OP. I hope that she'll soon be able to live and exist in a situation where she gets regular emotional support and comfort for what she has to deal with on a daily basis.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17

+1

I posted a couple of pages back suggesting that she save up enough $$ to move out or for her to lawfully evict him so she doesn't have to live with someone who is so apathetic towards her and that has so little regard for how much she suffers emotionally and physically every day of her life.

I seriously feel bad for the OP. I hope that she'll soon be able to live and exist in a situation where she gets regular emotional support and comfort for what she has to deal with on a daily basis.

I believe they live with her grandmother.

[Jobster]

Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).

Her situation is like being in solitary confinement for life.

I mean, you can pretend your on an island, but at the end of the day, you're stuck in a room with no windows.

[rego00123]

Originally Posted by Jobster

[snip] Her situation is like being in solitary confinement for life.

I mean, you can pretend your on an island, but at the end of the day, you're stuck in a room with no windows.

I would imagine part improving her situation would be not attaching to people she understands are bad for both herself and her circumstances.

In her older threads she has shown she understood who her BF is, yet has done nothing to improve her situation. She likes to vent, but doesn't want to actually discuss improvements that would change her life for the better.

That goes beyond her disabilities and illnesses, that's just stagnation.

I'm going to assume OP is reliant in some way to the BF since she has never really answered why she would chose someone who she clearly holds a distain towards