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I know this is going to sound rough but facts are facts.
It takes an extraordinary man to deal with someone in your condition.
Your boyfriend is not only not extraordinary, he's also insensitive and sounds even cruel.
A longer term very loving relationship might be able to deal with what becomes more of a caretaker situation but many times, that doesn't work out either. It's very difficult to accept what is, in fact, the loss of much of what you had.
If he is like this now, it doesn't sound like you probably had much to begin with.
The advice of "find another man" is unfortunately pretty much of a joke.
While most men would probably a lot more humane and understanding about it, how many do you think would voluntarily go into it?
My daughter is physically as much of a mess as you are and figured out a long time ago that she is simply not able to be a desirable partner in any kind of normal relationship and has learned to live by and for herself.
I hope, at the very least, you do, too. You have more than enough to deal with without having to put up with someone that makes every day worse, not better.
I agree with this. And I think the OP might even be better off moving into in some sort of rehab facility or assisted living home where she can be cared for 24/7.
I would imagine part improving her situation would be not attaching to people she understands are bad for both herself and her circumstances.
In her older threads she has shown she understood who her BF is, yet has done nothing to improve her situation. She likes to vent, but doesn't want to actually discuss improvements that would change her life for the better.
That goes beyond her disabilities and illnesses, that's just stagnation.
I'm going to assume OP is reliant in some way to the BF since she has never really answered why she would chose someone who she clearly holds a distain towards
Finally, a voice of reason in this very bizarre thread.
Yes, she is 100% reliant on grandma and the boyfriend to pay her way. She hasn't worked in years now. That's why I said previously that people saying she should "save up" to move out really, really, REALLY need to read her old posts. She can't "save up" anything, she hasn't had her own income for years.
As well as the financial reliance, she also seems to have the common problem of most people in unhealthy relationships: she doesn't have the guts, neither romantically or financially, to end this many year long charade. Instead, she is holding out false hope that the guy will change and become Prince Charming one day.
Luckily, most people escape, but not before chasing a person for years on end who couldn't give two rats about them. All those years, wasted. Some never escape...
OP has been coming here for years and complains about that guy, so this is not something new.
She probably knows that once she dumps him she will hardly find a new guy who is willing to date someone who can hardly do anything - not being mean, just being realistic. Her dating pool is probably 5%.
It may be the main reason she is holding on to him - knowing she will be single probably forever if she gets rid of him. And I guess the current relationship is still better than being alone - he probably has times where he is very nice, too. I somewhat get that she is clinging on to the only relationship she may be able to have for as long as she doesn't get better.
I am just wondering what he gets ouf of this relationship. Would be nice to hear his side.
Sure she caused this health issue herself but let's be honest, I would say most of us have been driving distracted before and we just got lucky nothing happened.
Taking the OP on face value I don't think I've ever heard of a story or situation like this on CD where someone is so blatantly unsympathetic and outright rude as this. This situation seems bizarre to me that someone could be that callous toward someone that they supposedly loved.
I don't have much to offer in terms of a solution other than reevaluate whether or not you wanna keep this goat in your life.
Taking the OP on face value I don't think I've ever heard of a story or situation like this on CD where someone is so blatantly unsympathetic and outright rude as this. This situation seems bizarre to me that someone could be that callous toward someone that they supposedly loved.
I don't have much to offer in terms of a solution other than reevaluate whether or not you wanna keep this goat in your life.
I'm sure there is much more to this than any of us will ever be privy to hearing and every side will have their own tales to tell about why they do the things they do.
The only thing that can really be said is if the OP wants to better her circumstances she will have to work for it and make the choices that allow them to take place.
Outside of all of the medical issues and personal feelings about them, that's just the reality of the world we live within.
While the medical issues may be a huge hindrance. They should not be a reason to flatline your life or ambitions to better yourself or put yourself in a better place.
It's a rough situation and I can both relate and empathize, but yah...it is what it is, and "it" is what you allow it to be.
I'm sure there is much more to this than any of us will ever be privy to hearing and every side will have their own tales to tell about why they do the things they do.
The only thing that can really be said is if the OP wants to better her circumstances she will have to work for it and make the choices that allow them to take place.
Outside of all of the medical issues and personal feelings about them, that's just the reality of the world we live within.
While the medical issues may be a huge hindrance. They should not be a reason to flatline your life or ambitions to better yourself or put yourself in a better place.
It's a rough situation and I can both relate and empathize, but yah...it is what it is, and "it" is what you allow it to be.
Yeah, there may be more to the story, as we're hearing one side and I made sure to put the "taking the OP on face value" disclaimer.
I'm not familiar with her posting history to make judgements about it either way.
I agree with this. And I think the OP might even be better off moving into in some sort of rehab facility or assisted living home where she can be cared for 24/7.
Ok I don't need a rebar facility or an assisted living facility.
The solutions are super simple.
I don't need to be taken care of 24/7.
Every morning I go back to sleep for another 2 hours or so and then I get up, shower, get ready and clean around the house.
What I need to do is be able to take care of my issues in ways that make me happy.
Like doing yoga, swimming and squats for exercise vs running, weights and walking an 18 hole disc golf course.
I need to take care of my headaches when I have them.
I need to not be guilt tripped for taking medication that makes me sleep for 9 hours.
I don't need an assisted living facility. 🙄🙄🙄
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent
Oh, she can change it. Just doesn't want to put in the effort. She's even said that she CAN change it but doesn't want to have to jump through the hoops. Again, I suggest you read through her old posts.
And by the way, if she is "stuck in solitary confinement" that is her own fault. She caused the accident, she chose not to go to college, she chose to lead a life of minimum wage jobs, she chose everything that blends together to create the mess that she is in. I could not have less sympathy for this person. None of these events just randomly appeared out of thin air.
You know, if you do the right thing, like not causing car accidents because one is distracted by their nicotine addiction, you don't have to have a problem.
I did attend college. Did you forget?
I went for a year and a half before I had to drop school for another job so I could afford to get out of my moms house. Remember I left, worked two jobs and went to school. I lost the one job and had to pick up another one and was back living at my moms. I had to get out. Had things not been so bad at home I would have stayed and been able to finish college.
So I didn't choose a life of minimum wage jobs, I didn't have many choices and being let go from a position where I was no longer needed is not my fault. I was working towards a degree and a career and it got derailed.
I've been trying to go back to school ever since and I either have been working full time with zero time for the classes I needed or I haven't had the money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whereitwent
Finally, a voice of reason in this very bizarre thread.
Yes, she is 100% reliant on grandma and the boyfriend to pay her way. She hasn't worked in years now. That's why I said previously that people saying she should "save up" to move out really, really, REALLY need to read her old posts. She can't "save up" anything, she hasn't had her own income for years.
As well as the financial reliance, she also seems to have the common problem of most people in unhealthy relationships: she doesn't have the guts, neither romantically or financially, to end this many year long charade. Instead, she is holding out false hope that the guy will change and become Prince Charming one day.
Luckily, most people escape, but not before chasing a person for years on end who couldn't give two rats about them. All those years, wasted. Some never escape...
Yeah, I haven't worked since the car accident. I went back to work 6 weeks afterwards in my back brace.
I stood for 12 hour shifts, I begged them to only work me 8 hour shifts or less. I went home after work every night in so much pain I wouldn't even eat dinner. I'd go lay down right away and usually fell asleep. Some nights I couldn't even get myself out of my work clothes my back and legs burned so bad.
My last day of work I had worked 8 hours with no lunch and told my boss I was hurting. He told me he didn't care and ended up letting me go. Yes he got in trouble for it and no I didn't go back even though I could.
It wasn't working for my back. It wasn't working for me. I hurt so bad working that job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
[snip] OP has been coming here for years and complains about that guy, so this is not something new.
She probably knows that once she dumps him she will hardly find a new guy who is willing to date someone who can hardly do anything - not being mean, just being realistic. Her dating pool is probably 5%.
It may be the main reason she is holding on to him - knowing she will be single probably forever if she gets rid of him. And I guess the current relationship is still better than being alone - he probably has times where he is very nice, too. I somewhat get that she is clinging on to the only relationship she may be able to have for as long as she doesn't get better.
I am just wondering what he gets ouf of this relationship. Would be nice to hear his side.
Sure she caused this health issue herself but let's be honest, I would say most of us have been driving distracted before and we just got lucky nothing happened.
That's HILARIOUS.
"Hardly" do anything. Several times I've listed activities that are okay.
Light walking, yoga, swimming laps, hanging out at the pool, still can do stuff like go to the lake sit on a boat or the shore, the movies, the mall, I cook, I clean.
I simply stopped driving.
I don't do things like run or lift weights.
My stomach hurts all the time and is constantly upset.
I get headaches and will be down for the count for a few hours tops.
I can't live out dogs bag of food or anything heavy.
He really doesn't have all that much to ***** about.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-08-2017 at 09:29 PM..
Reason: Rude.
That's HILARIOUS.
"Hardly" do anything. Several times I've listed activities that are okay. Light walking, yoga, swimming laps, hanging out at the pool, still can do stuff like go to the lake sit on a boat or the shore, the movies, the mall, I cook, I clean.
I simply stopped driving.
I don't do things like run or lift weights.
My stomach hurts all the time and is constantly upset.
I get headaches and will be down for the count for a few hours tops.
I can't live out dogs bag of food or anything heavy.
He really doesn't have all that much to ***** about.
I don't need a damn caregiver.
You listed your life in your opening post as pretty much being in pain all day, not being able to do anything. That's why your bf is complaining. He said you should exercise and you said you cannot because of pain and metal in the back but now you say you do pretty much everything except working and tougher workouts?
Somewhere else I read you are not in control of your bladder and you have other bathroom stuff going on also.
Sorry, you painted the picture of a bedridden girl and my answer was that this is tough for you to find someone else.
But if you are so active, then why don't you work?
I am a bit confused. Too sick to work. Not sick enough for everything you feel like doing.
I don't sit around and do nothing.
I make breakfast and dinner, I clean the house and take care of everything at home.
I would like to work. I'd like to find somewhere with an understanding boss.
Someone who understands if I get hit with a headache, I have to take care of it immediately. If I don't I'll be puking and crying in pain because it feels like I'm being stabbed in the temples and my eyeballs being poked in.
I'd like somewhere understanding.
I don't want to be in the position I was in with my last job being told I couldn't work less than 8 hour shifts. If 8 was too much on my back, it was too much. I'm tired of people arguing with me. I don't want to hurt. I'm trying to kee my pain levels low. I'm not even on pain pills. I have nothing. I hurt from the base of my neck to my hips, every single day.
I got told at my last job that if my coworkers weren't willing to help me out and lift things for me like televisions or laundry sets that they didn't deserve to work there. Cut to a few months later on my last day of work, I spent the whole day moving fridges with no lunch, 8 hour shift.
I was lied to and ended up having to do crap that made me hurt and wasn't in my best interest.
I was pretty much told. "Hey we don't care about your spine or what happens to it when you have to lift things.
It feels like that area is so messed up. FUBAR. Very very FUBAR.
Would you like to see my X-rays?
Try finding a job that is easy on your body? We have a security guard here at work who just sits there all day. You could do that instead of sitting in your bfs car all day, driving around to drop off dogs. There are options for you if you want to change your life.
Again I ask - WHO IS PAYING YOUR BILLS? What is your source of income?
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