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Never said they were. I am just tired of the made up excuses.
But if someone wants to pretend that an ER nurse who works 12 hour shifts, runs 5 days a week, takes care of her grandmother every other weekend, and runs marathons on the other weekends is going to have more time, flexibility, and spontaneity than a single mom with a 17 year old, they are telling themselves stories.
If someone doesn't want to date people with kids, fine, but be honest with yourself and others about it. You don't want to date someone with kids because you don't want any kids of any age in your life, you don't want any other person to take priority over you with the person you're dating, you've just randomly decided that all single moms have too much "drama," etc. But don't make up stuff about spontaneity and flexibility when the kids are grown or virtually so, and there are so many, many other things can take up people's time. It's insulting.
Uhm. okay. I don't know anyone who works more than 10 hours, OR runs more than 3-4 times a week, OR takes care of anyone, OR runs marathons every other weekend. The chance, all that comes together is probably 1%.
Single parents of smaller kids who have a lot of time to date or travel aren't usually good parents. Not always, but usually.
Here's the problem.
You're looking for a unicorn... an attractive, fit, great personality, childfree woman in her late 30s/early 40s. If you find such a woman, you'd better be a 10 because she's got her pick of men - and she knows it. I know a woman like this. She's amazing. And picky. So.Very.Picky.
Here's the problem. I never said I was looking for someone who's all of those things. Childfree? Yes. In her late 30s or early 40s? Yes. Attractive? She doesn't have to be gorgeous. Just reasonably attractive. Fit? Again, she doesn't have to have the body of a 25 year old. I don't mind if she's overweight, as long as it isn't severe. Great personality? Again, there's a lot of wiggle room there.
Here's the problem. I never said I was looking for someone who's all of those things. Childfree? Yes. In her late 30s or early 40s? Yes. Attractive? She doesn't have to be gorgeous. Just reasonably attractive. Fit? Again, she doesn't have to have the body of a 25 year old. I don't mind if she's overweight, as long as it isn't severe. Great personality? Again, there's a lot of wiggle room there.
And I do think it's great that people are aware of not wanting kids in their life. That is not what I am saying I have a problem with, and I'm not sure why the comprehension is so difficult. What I have been saying this whole time is if you don't want kids- of any age - in your life, then just say that. Don't say it's because of flexibility, time constraints, lack of spontaneity, drama, etc. when it's just that you don't want the person in your life to have any kids, of any age, any where, any time. Just Be Honest.
Here's a newsflash for you. We're being honest. So please don't accuse me of lying just because you don't like what some of us prefer in a partner. Earlier, you argued that people have all kinds of constraints on their time. Except what you left out is that a lot of those things are subject to their control. If a person has hobbies, friends, a demanding job, they have control over how much time they devote to those things. But kids aren't the same thing. A single parent can't just cut back on time for her children so she can spend it with her boyfriend. I'm certainly not wanting or expecting a partner who can devote all her free time to me. Having dated a single mother in the past, I know what it's like. I didn't experience the horror stories other people describe. But I also know just how much harder it is to date a person with kids and decided it's just not something I want to deal with again.
Here's the problem.
You're looking for a unicorn... an attractive, fit, great personality, childfree woman in her late 30s/early 40s. If you find such a woman, you'd better be a 10 because she's got her pick of men - and she knows it. I know a woman like this. She's amazing. And picky. So.Very.Picky.
Look, I'll be the first to admit that I probably am looking for a unicorn, but not in the ways you described. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be flexible about a lot of things, such as looks. But I've also learned the hard way just how important it is to know when not to be flexible. I'm not a religious or even spiritual person so I would never compatible with someone who is. I'm a staunch liberal and would never be compatible with a conservative. Maybe other people have managed to work around such differences and I applaud them. But my own experience has shown that it doesn't work. And, as I stated above, I don't want kids. Kinda hard to compromise on that one. So to sum up:
Late 30s/early 40s
Childfree and doesn't want children
Liberal
Not too religious
Doesn't smoke
And that's before getting into things like looks, personality, hobbies and interests, etc.
Sorry. I'm writing here and doing stuff for work at the same time. The latter has put me in a foul mood.
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