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Altguy, I've followed your story probably since you moved to OKC and feel for you too. You seem like a good guy, certainly bright, never have heard you be disrespectful towards women, seem to be looking for a real companion and not just endless hookups...being eligible to date wasn't in my sphere until recently, but since then I've felt like "Man, if this guy can't find someone, what chance do I have?!?"
I know I'm nothing special, as far as being alone and not finding someone (and it's true I just started looking, really) but the struggle is real, man. If I was still in the area (praise the gods I'm not) I'd definitely be down for shooting some pool and having a beer.
I wish you luck, brother. I think you'd make the right woman real happy. Maybe you just haven't run into each other yet.
Never know...could happen tomorrow!
Thanks Griffis. You're right, I've been looking for a real companion for a long time now. Short term hookups aren't my thing, but a consequence of endless dating. I'm too old for all that and ultimately don't enjoy it. I'd much rather be in a stable relationship and remarried. I definitely haven't run into the right one and time is running out as I get older. I asked yet again yesterday for a transfer with my company back to Atlanta. Not going to happen, so I continue to look.
Its a different world now, so you're going to have to learn as you go and adjust. It took me a long time to figure it out.
Where are you living now? Most cities (larger than 1 million people) have to be better than where I am.
Sure, a match made on CD. (As long as Seja doesn't mind that he's married)
It's a marriage in name only. I will always love my wife and wish the best for her, but the relationship is over and, I'm sure, the Big D s inevitable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Thanks Griffis. You're right, I've been looking for a real companion for a long time now. Short term hookups aren't my thing, but a consequence of endless dating. I'm too old for all that and ultimately don't enjoy it. I'd much rather be in a stable relationship and remarried. I definitely haven't run into the right one and time is running out as I get older. I asked yet again yesterday for a transfer with my company back to Atlanta. Not going to happen, so I continue to look.
Its a different world now, so you're going to have to learn as you go and adjust. It took me a long time to figure it out.
Where are you living now? Most cities (larger than 1 million people) have to be better than where I am.
Atlguy, i'm in Panama City Beach, Florida. Been here 6 months. Not big, but tons of vacationers all Summer and snowbirds all Winter.
Yeah, I have lived everywhere, spent time in most major US cities...close to you, even Tulsa, Dallas, KC or St. Loo would be an improvement. Fayetteville is pretty cool too, actually.
i don't plan to ever remarry, but like you, I'm not a one night stand kind of guy.
I wish I could help or offer advice that would result in something good.
You said you couldn't transfer right now. Not sure what your line is, but you sound like a professional. What about seeking work in your field but with another company?
Wow, if hair and not being overweight are what qualifies a man in his 40's, I guess I really need to move to find the women who appreciate that. I find women to have A.D.D. when it comes to dating nowadays due to the internet and looking for the bigger better deal. I do think I have a hard time due to location, but its also a cultural change over the last 10 years or so with online dating going mainstream. You'd think it would be easier, but in fact its much harder just to keep someone's attention. I'm 48, no kids, 6'0", 200 pounds, professional, full head of hair, into personal growth, yada yada yada. Doesn't seem to make much of a difference.
Griffis, I feel for ya man. Its hard for most of us. Not that misery loves company, but maybe you can take some comfort in knowing you're not the only one who struggles.
it is your negative energy and attitude. Every time I see that you posted, it is a sad post. For years it is the same posts from you, over and over. Just by looking at the title of a thread, I know you will be posting your story in it. Again. No offense, you are probably a great guy, but it is complaints over complaints over complaints. You sound miserable and you probably have it written all over your face. This repels women. No matter how nice and hot and rich you are, this is an unattrative feature that keeps women away.
Try to be happy, man. Without a woman. From within. Once you have established your own life without always trying to date everyone and everything, then things will fall into place. You are trying too hard, it is not natural. Women will look at you and see your desperation, it is a big turnoff. It comes across here very strongly, so I can only imagine how it is to meet you if you are out and looking.
Don't be mad at me, take it as positive criticizm. Try self reflection. It is not always everyone else's fault. Hugs.
it is your negative energy and attitude. Every time I see that you posted, it is a sad post. For years it is the same posts from you, over and over. Just by looking at the title of a thread, I know you will be posting your story in it. Again. No offense, you are probably a great guy, but it is complaints over complaints over complaints. You sound miserable and you probably have it written all over your face. This repels women. No matter how nice and hot and rich you are, this is an unattrative feature that keeps women away.
Try to be happy, man. Without a woman. From within. Once you have established your own life without always trying to date everyone and everything, then things will fall into place. You are trying too hard, it is not natural. Women will look at you and see your desperation, it is a big turnoff. It comes across here very strongly, so I can only imagine how it is to meet you if you are out and looking.
Don't be mad at me, take it as positive criticizm. Try self reflection. It is not always everyone else's fault. Hugs.
It also is an issue that he wants a much younger woman and to start a family ASAP. He is 50 now, and to have a baby he will be nearing 70 when the child graduates, nor do women now want to take care of much older husbands.
He would have better luck if he wanted to date and marry the 45-52 year old woman that just wants companionship.
I think everyone has life goals and wants and needs to be met in the end. My window is rapidly closing on kids. I probably have 2-3 years left of pondering it before the door closes most likely for good. There's just a time and place for things to happen in life and I'm getting further and further outside that window in my current geographic location.
I think we can all be positive for the most part. I have my moments where I can be negative too, since we're all only human. I've found ways to make myself happy, but sometimes it can get overwhelming constantly feeling like you're in competition with yourself to always be happy. The fake it till you make it routine makes sense, but it has its moments where it can be overwhelming. Sometimes you just want to be sad, vent, and roll around in your own misery. The key is to try and only be miserable for a short period of time. I'm always looking for cheap and fun ways to get a boost of morale for myself.
I think a lot of people fail to realize that for men, we aren't the best nurturers, so we don't have the nurturing support system that women have. Where a woman can vent to another woman and it be fine, it can ultimately be a negative effect to a man venting to a woman, if she doesn't care about the man in the matter. I've asked my female friends about men venting to them and they told me that if they're not into them, they really don't want to hear it. So what's a guy supposed to do when he feels frustrated, but can't vent his frustrations to men and women tend to not want to hear it? A forum can only do so much. Most people just want someone who values them, whether it's platonic or romantic.
I have women that I can vent to, but out of the women I vent to, I've hooked up with all of them but one. The one is my best friends wife and I don't play that way. So it's a bit different for me, because even though we're friends, we've been intimate many times with each other.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I think a lot of people fail to realize that for men, we aren't the best nurturers, so we don't have the nurturing support system that women have. .
This is one reason I think its so important guys have female friends, and why I'm so incredibly thankful for mine. My dude friends are great, but they're mostly pretty limited in the connection, we talk work, sports, whatever, but its rarely deep. Sometimes it is, but its not common.
I haven't run into what you're saying about them not wanting to hear it, but these are people that have been in my life 10, 15, 20+ years. Hopefully friends care about friends.
This is one reason I think its so important guys have female friends, and why I'm so incredibly thankful for mine. My dude friends are great, but they're mostly pretty limited in the connection, we talk work, sports, whatever, but its rarely deep. Sometimes it is, but its not common.
I haven't run into what you're saying about them not wanting to hear it, but these are people that have been in my life 10, 15, 20+ years. Hopefully friends care about friends.
When I say they don't want to hear it, it's because they aren't interested in the guy. It's kinda hard to put it in full context. I usually just chalk it up to that we've slept together, so for that reason alone, I'm a cut above other guys. My female friends don't sleep around a lot, so maybe that's the reason they trust me more? My best female friend I've known since I was 21. We've hooked up on and off for the last decade. I can tell her anything and I know she'll listen, but at the same time she also trust me. From what I've gathered from my female friends is that some of these guys would come off weak to them complaining about stuff. I'll complain about stuff to them from time to time, but I tend to try and keep it brief. I mostly ask them the female perspective and they'll ask me the male perspective. Most of my female friends are level headed and don't like drama any more than I do.
Even for me, they're mostly like I'm having the same troubles, so really neither of us have an answer for each other. At the same time, I definitely agree with you, that it's VERY NICE to have a woman that I can talk to and spend time with.
I don't get this. Certainly they're interested in them as a friend. But maybe I'm just missing something, but that's fine.
I'm assuming they're more of acquaintances than actual friends.
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