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I think I meant pickier as in silly pickiness and nitpicking things. Like one of my guy friends is over 50 and he nitpicks the dumbest things about women. He's just getting old, set in his ways and has no patience.
Ok, that's different.
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I think I meant pickier as in silly pickiness and nitpicking things. Like one of my guy friends is over 50 and he nitpicks the dumbest things about women. He's just getting old, set in his ways and has no patience.
I feel I have actually grown more patient and accepting as I've gotten older. I had anger issues in my younger days. I never was hurtful or anything, unless some yahoo started a fight with me or something. But I was more judgmental and just angrier and crazier. I caused a lot of mayhem.
Now I feel more mellow, loving and open hearted. Open minded too, hopefully.
The only thing I can't really hack nowadays is needless drama. I refuse to get worked up emotionally about things that only bring negativity.
I absolutely got pickier as I got older. I knew what was important, what I liked and what I disliked.
My market value didn't suffer at all when I started dating at 42. My "market value"
may have increased as I had a successful career and my own home.
The whole women lose market value as they get older is BS, it's what guys tell themselves so they will feel better.
I am not sure the owning my own home thing helps in any way. As one of my exes eloquent put it, I attracted the "HOBOsexuals"- the men that wanted a relationship with me so they would not be homeless.
I think I meant pickier as in silly pickiness and nitpicking things. Like one of my guy friends is over 50 and he nitpicks the dumbest things about women. He's just getting old, set in his ways and has no patience.
Give some examples.
I think it is normal to get pickier. My list of requirements is far longer than it was in my 20's. But it is because I have tried to deal with small things in all the previous relationships and I know what I hate and won't put up with now.
For instance, smoking. I turn into a major B, over the smell of a cigarette. My ex and I fought over it all the time. He was supposed to be an ex smoker when we started dating, but he was a current smoker, hiding it from me. But considering I am very sensitive to smells, I can't deal with it at all.
I don't get why women say they get pickier as they get older. That makes no sense, it's not like their market value goes up as they get older or something. Mens do not either unless he's loaded or is a 40 year old bodybuilder that looks 27 or something.
I'm pickier now because I'm more cautious from the things I learned from my mistakes. I know what didn't work and what may work now. I may of had more options when I was younger, but that doesn't make me less worthy now because I'm older (a.k.a. your definition, market value). It's not like I'm looking for someone who's way above my league. I'm not looking for men who want to have kids (fertility) or men who will take care of me (money). I don't want someone who's too good looking either (looks). I'm looking for someone who has similar values and goals in life. It's very slim right now. I'm sure it's slim for most of us 40+ year olds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
I absolutely got pickier as I got older. I knew what was important, what I liked and what I disliked.
My market value didn't suffer at all when I started dating at 42. My "market value"
may have increased as I had a successful career and my own home.
The whole women lose market value as they get older is BS, it's what guys tell themselves so they will feel better.
I'm pickier now because I'm more cautious from the things I learned from my mistakes. I know what didn't work and what may work now. I may of had more options when I was younger, but that doesn't make me less worthy now because I'm older (a.k.a. your definition, market value). It's not like I'm looking for someone who's way above my league. I'm not looking for men who want to have kids (fertility) or men who will take care of me (money). I don't want someone who's too good looking either (looks). I'm looking for someone who has similar values and goals in life. It's very slim right now. I'm sure it's slim for most of us 40+ year olds.
Especially your last sentence.
It is slim for most of us. I listen to relationship podcasts and read a lot of psychology books. The thing that's changed a lot from the male perspective (as it relates to online dating specifically, which has ruined us) is this feeling women have of an abundance of available "bigger better deals" as it relates to men. Hence they have a list of 53 "must haves", rather than 5 must haves and many "nice to haves". I've been through this exercise myself, and I know what my must haves are. Its not a huge list. Although I'd love to find a woman who can have kids, at my age I'm throwing in the towel. I may be open to adoption. I've just had to accept it. Aside from that, I just want someone I'm attracted to who values health and fitness and personal growth. Obviously, I want someone with some intelligence, and nurturing, loyal, and who will also challenge me. That's really the extent of it though. Not easy to find.
The whole women lose market value as they get older is BS, it's what guys tell themselves so they will feel better.
Not only that, it's what some guys say to get women to lower their standards and be willing to date men they not otherwise date. I don't think I've ever heard women discuss single men in terms of their market value. Yes, you should be able to look at yourself objectively and be realistic about how attractive others will find you and recognize what things probably work against you. But even if you're at a severe disadvantage, that's no reason to compromise on the things that matter. To say that women get pickier with age is too broad. People become choosy about some things and more flexible about others. In my 20s, I was very picky when it came to looks and far too flexible when it came to things like personality or interests. Now I'm the opposite. If a woman shares my values, is fun to be with, and has the same goals, I don't care if she's overweight.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
It is slim for most of us. I listen to relationship podcasts and read a lot of psychology books. The thing that's changed a lot from the male perspective (as it relates to online dating specifically, which has ruined us) is this feeling women have of an abundance of available "bigger better deals" as it relates to men. Hence they have a list of 53 "must haves", rather than 5 must haves and many "nice to haves". I've been through this exercise myself, and I know what my must haves are. Its not a huge list. Although I'd love to find a woman who can have kids, at my age I'm throwing in the towel. I may be open to adoption. I've just had to accept it. Aside from that, I just want someone I'm attracted to who values health and fitness and personal growth. Obviously, I want someone with some intelligence, and nurturing, loyal, and who will also challenge me. That's really the extent of it though. Not easy to find.
Do yourself a favor. Stop listening to this garbage. It isn't that online dating has ruined anything (quite the opposite) its this overthinking and over analyzing and trying to deduce nefarious intentions in anything. Things in reality aren't much different than thirty years ago. People meet, there is chemistry and attraction (or not), fi there is, it is explored and things work out, or they don't. Simple. It's our minds that get in the way, and this pop psych (and even worse, crud pop biology), that we allow to interfere that messes blank up.
Lots of 'coping' in this thread about the non-existence of "market value". Yes it is a thing and based on biology and loss of "glow"
No, actually it isn't. It's just something concocted by certain men so they can feel good about themselves by looking down on others. It reeks of insecurity.
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Especially your last sentence. 
