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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Yes, I have watched gay friends mature into adulthood and become demonstrably less "GAY!!!" and more like an average person with interests and identities that stretch well beyond their sexual orientation or relationship status. They no longer feel that GAY!!! is the first thing people should learn about them when they meet. More like the 10th or 11th.
Yeah, I'm not totally comfortable with analogy as sexual orientation is different from dating style, and gays have definitely been politically and socially persecuted over time (never known anyone to be persecuted for dating around), but just that there are likely some analogous portions.
I think there is often a sort of "aren't I special" tone when people talk about anything that might be considered non traditional or alternative sexually. I wonder if, to the extent that my perception that people with alternative sexual ideas and practices is accurate, this occurs because they assume others who are more traditional will think they're odd, and so they aim to preempt that judgment?
Perhaps, although I don't really see how it would pre-empt judgment.
It's not usually MEANT this way, but long explanations on a general forum like this come across as self-indulgent or even attention-seeking, especially when people tag in here to suggest a label on a topic that seems tangentially related.
Now I'll be accused of not understanding the poly lifestyle because it's SO complicated.
I'm meeting up with someone I've been involved with since I was 15 and I started thinking that I've never been dumped by anyone in my life. All the guys I've ever been with, I'm still with now and then (not during their marriages).
I'm not the marrying or long term BF/gf type but I have dozens of good long term relationships with men. We keep in touch, see each other when either is nearby, genuinely want good things for each other, have fun (not just in the bedroom).
It makes me happy and feel very cosmopolitan, like Anais Nin but the one I'm seeing tomorrow is probably the one I'm most connected to bc of the years involved. My BFF is nagging me to turn it into a typical relationship. I think it's a double standard. Why should I feel bad about being lucky enough to have many people who make my life better instead of picking one who will annoy me to death?
Are there any women in their 40s who have similar situations?
Live your life the way you see fit, assuming no one is getting hurt or feeling used I don't see what the problem is. Are your parents or family members giving you grief about it?
I don't think that way of living is typical, but again, doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks at the end of the day really.
I don't know about the rest of "the community" nationally but most people we crossed paths as a couple wouldn't know we were open relationship wise (or her job!). We also had connections to a groups but it existed and operated underneath it all out of sight.
They still operate out of sight
But the digital age and anonymity of the internet found some of such groups being discussed on the internet.... suddenly they are labelled overtly outspoken and attention grabbing. In some cases, people speaking from behind the safety of anonymity claim these groups to be a morally corrupt menace to society.
In reality, they still operate just as discreetly as before. Just like it now seems like crime is so much worse today than in the past, we simply have so much access to information... posted anonymously in many cases.
If one posts on the internet that I'm "poly-whatever", how does one determine tone from that??? are they being "i am special" and attention grabbing? or perhaps we should take it at face value and they are simply participating in a discussion by introducing a little of their own views/background around said topic?
There are terms that evolve within a community that facilitate discussions... to help weed out ambiguity. If one uses the same terms outside the community, it is expected to responded to with such disdain? or should we take it at face value....
As for being "less gay".. does that mean my wife, considering that she doesn't care about intimacy or sex as much anymore, is any less heterosexual?
Yeah, I'm not totally comfortable with analogy as sexual orientation is different from dating style
Aha. But you can probably assume that many people in these echo chamber "communities" believe that polyamory IS a sexual orientation and they are born that way and deserve all the rights of marriage and society's unmitigated respect.
GAY!!!! vs. gay. I think most people understood what I was getting at.
As opposed to POLY! versus poly....
Does those that experiment with their own sexuality, sometimes venturing into homosexuality, make homosexuality any less relevant to today's society?
I'm (was) in a monogamous relationship for the last 16 years prior to my previous relationship that was open. Does that make previous open relationships any less relevant?
The reaction to such "communities" wouldn't occurred if it was a bunch of married monogamous couples sharing a beer at the local pub prior to the age of information (internet). It's only discussed here because it is anonymous and the access to information via internet.
If one posts on the internet that I'm "poly-whatever", how does one determine tone from that.... are they being "i am special" and attention grabbing? or perhaps we should take it at face value and they are simply participating in a discussion by introducing a little of their own views/background around said topic?
You can pick up a lot about the "tone" and motivations of posters on a forum if you read enough of their posts. There's one here who consistently asks people WHY they are asking a bunch of strangers on a forum about this problem. There's one in Parenting who almost never fails to mention her degrees and experience when replying. It becomes easy to know who to read with interest and who to scroll past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
As for being "less gay".. does that mean my wife, considering that she doesn't care about intimacy or sex as much anymore, is any less heterosexual?
Sort of.
It doesn't REALLY work with the term heterosexual, but it's more similar to a guy who is a known womanizer who constantly talks about hitting the clubs and "pulling" women but for whatever reason doesn't participate in that lifestyle anymore and has no more tales to share with ... whoever is listening.
GAY!!!! vs. gay. I think most people understood what I was getting at.
I think most people understood what you meant and in the context of not leading off with their sexuality as much as you've noted it's further down the list of things people need to know about a person. I don't have a homophobic bone in my body and I prefer to be around gay people and not as much GAY! in about the same way that I don't like to be around macho straight men preening and trying to put out this alpha vibe, was past that crap in college. Guys acting normal and just being themselves whether gay or straight is how I roll.
Yes, it is the broadcasting and the "I dare you to say anything negative about my lifestyle!!!" attitude. That's what people do who aren't quite comfortable with themselves or their choices so they make a hobby out of their "difference" and/or build their entire social network around it.
Quote:
Does those that experiment with their own sexuality, sometimes venturing into homosexuality, make homosexuality any less relevant to today's society?
I don't understand the question.
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