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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50676
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldcaller
we have discussed it before, marriage is on hold until I make enough to support us both to a certain level
coldcaller, that's completely admirable if it takes a couple years. Like, until the man graduates from college or gets his feet under him in a profession.
Dating nine years and saying I've not yet achieved the level of income that would allow me to marry - seems a little unlikely that you will achieve that income anytime soon.
Is there a plan here in place? Or are you basically in a static pattern where you will probably never marry, and just exist basically taking care of her emotional needs and her brother's support needs?
I agree!! i used to blame money for the girl i was with for 7 years. turns out we simply were not a good couple. After I asked my now wife to marry me... the whole ceremony almost set it self up and got paid for like it was on autopilot ( i know it wasn't but it was a little surprising how many other people just .... took over and ...and.....just...went to work ) two blinks later the wedding was over and we were sending out our thank yous
which then causes her & I to stop what we're doing, go get him, she drags him back to their apartment and gives him the " I'm so disappointed that you would ( insert issue here)." lecture. She doesn't stay mad at him for long, one minute it's " How could you be so stupid? You disgust me, I can't even look at you." The next minute she's knocking on his door wanting to come in and talk/hug it out
Frequently after these incidents( if he's just gotten high or is really drunk, he'll hit me up and just ask me to cover for him and " Don't tell Amanda because she'll be so PO'd", but then he'll just go right to her and admit what he did
Last edited by coldcaller; 07-17-2017 at 10:00 PM..
Sadly, my girlfriend of nearly 9 years, has had a rough upbringing. Her father is not in her life and her mother is a barely functioning alcoholic who puts herself above her 2 kids( girlfriend's younger brother is 16). Having been with her for awhile, I've just adapted to this role that I'm not only a boyfriend to her, I put the pressure on myself to be a stable part of her brother's life as an older brother type or a role model or whatever. Anytime we fight, even if she's in the wrong, I end up giving in or apologizing because I feel the need to be un both of their lives. There's also an abundance of times where I feel that she takes me for granted.
Am I doing too much or do I need to keep doing all of this?
It's a tough situation. My advice because I've dealt with something similar.
Be there for her, but you have to take care of yourself. This is very important. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to do much for her.
Believe me, she cares about you too. One way to make her life less crappy is to remember to treat yourself good too.
i know she cares about me and my well-being, but, I just feel obligated to focus on her & her bro more
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) two blinks later the wedding was over and we were sending out our thank yous
