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I know some families for whom this works very well. As long as both parties are happy with it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with daddy being the primary daytime caregiver. The thing is, personality wise and in terms of marital roles and sex specific tendencies, this doesn't usually pan out well. Mom feels guilty and dad feels useless or emasculated. It doesn't have to be that way but the tendency is there and reality has borne that out for some couples.
But yeah, if they are happy with the arrangement it's fine. It wouldn't work for us because my husband has the big career and adores what he does, and I don't ever want to work outside the home in anything but a freelance or hobby/volunteer capacity ever again, plus I love being home with the kids. We are traditional in our complementarian gender roles and happy with it. It's what we agreed upon from the outset and all that made any sense for us with our education and finances as they were. Like, he will always make at least triple what I could ever earn. And I'm a way better home educator than he would ever be.
I'm all for having a spouse stay at home and take care of the children and household. It's not always feasible financially, but you have to remember too that day care costs and transportation and issues along those lines may or may not be worthwhile. I realize that this isn't just a financial decision but it's a reality. If you got a spouse not making a whole lot of money it just might not really be worth it. Plus to me it just feels better having family take care of kids. Again, the reality is for a lot of people that daycare is required.
The paycheck alone may not be worth it, but there are other long term financial implications that aren't often considered. For example, I stayed home for 12 years (don't regret it; it was right for our situation), and was very fortunate to get a good job right away. However, the penalty my Social Security will take is irreversible. My husband can retire at 56 with a full pension. I, with the same pension plan, will take a penalty if I retire before 70. Even if every penny I made went to pay for day care, Id still be better off long term by paying into the system.
But it would be ok if he went to work and you stayed home? He's not "some guy" and he's not just staying at home. He's the father of your kids, doing the housework, cleaning, cooking, food shopping, picking up/dropping off kids, getting them ready for school. Doing everything a SAHM does.
As long as everyone is happy with the arrangement and it's financially feasible, more power to those couples who can
Others can do whatever works for them, but I wouldn't be ok with it. The end.
The paycheck alone may not be worth it, but there are other long term financial implications that aren't often considered. For example, I stayed home for 12 years (don't regret it; it was right for our situation), and was very fortunate to get a good job right away. However, the penalty my Social Security will take is irreversible. My husband can retire at 56 with a full pension. I, with the same pension plan, will take a penalty if I retire before 70. Even if every penny I made went to pay for day care, Id still be better off long term by paying into the system.
Yeah, big picture thinking has to happen for sure. Every situation isn't the same and that also is for sure.
Couples need to figure out what works the best for them. When I was a kid my mom was at home for a good chunk of time, but at some points she did work in the day and I was a latchkey kid at some point. She couldn't afford daycare for me, but I was 13 or so and I was only on my own for a couple hours after school, but IDK, kids can get into trouble at those ages so it's hard to know what to do. I grew up lower middle class when I was a kid and that is why I was careful to not pick on people that can't afford to not have both parents working cause life is what it is.
I never felt that my working full time and more absolved me from chores, errands, child care or handyman duties at home. That's part of providing too, and part of family life.
Right!? Since when does WOH mean one doesn't or shouldn't contribute to the household?
My husband works roughly 22 hours a week, so he has a lot of free time and spends a good deal of it doing SAHP things.
People have this idea that because you are in the home it means sitting on the sofa relaxing and living it up on anothers dime.
Right, that's not reality for stay at home parents. They barely have time to sit down, eat or even use the toilet. It's a full time job and there are no breaks or lunch hours. When they do get out of the house, they have to chauffeur kids around to doctor, dentist, orthodontist, gymnastics, piano lessons, etc.
It's sad some people believe that sahms and sahds "sit around" all day.
Right!? Since when does WOH mean one doesn't or shouldn't contribute to the household?
My husband works roughly 22 hours a week, so he has a lot of free time and spends a good deal of it doing SAHP things.
That would seem ideal for many families, especially with kids a little older...just hard to get things set up like that. My mom was a bank teller so had the perfect hours to be home when I was back from school...seems it was also part time so she was home on Saturdays. So a pretty decent compromise.
I would find it emasculating to have the guy doing all the housework,babies etc but that's just me I like traditional masculinity and am old fashioned.I don't want to be the breadwinner or the leader of the house with all the moneybags,it would give me power over my spouse and I prefer to be in the submissive role.But if others enjoy it so be it.
I was a stay at home dad for 18 months and loved it! It was really quite natural for my wife and I, as she is more career minded and earns about $40,000 more a year than I do.
I have several friends who either make WAY more money than their hubbies, their hubbies are SAHDs, or their hubbies have found a way to work at home (so they are there more for their kids).
Everyone seems happy.
Let me tell you something. There is literally nothing like having a parent at home. It can be a big financial sacrifice (for us, it was six figures a year and our super-nice health insurance gone), but it changes the house so much and makes it so much more of a home. It relaxes the whole atmosphere. There is a huge difference in the behavior of our kids and the behavior of kids who don't see either parent 10-12 hours a day. It gives the working person so much more leeway and opportunity...
Getting bent about it based on gender is totally asinine. It could really change your life for the better.
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