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So, i need help of any person, who knows about indian culture, PLEASE.
I have 22 yrs, from Brazil. I met my bf at an app online. He is from and lives on Delhi. Have 23 yrs, is doing his MBA, have an older brother and younger sister. His religion is Jain. At the beggining, we started to talk like friends, very polite, about things that we enjoy, life goals etc. After 2 weeks, msg eachother everyday, he asked me to be his gf. I told, that i never dated a guy before, bcs of my family being very estrict. And he also told me that he never dated a girl for the same reason.
After 20 days, we made our first video call. We were real haha. Then, he discovered some problems on his spine. Much pain, he was feeling useless. Didnt wanted to talk to me anymore, saying that he wanted to give up of his life. So, i gave support to him.
3 months after, he told me that he had feelings for me, more than gf. Then he said that he wanted to marry me. But, only with 5 months, he proposed me on call. He told me that, he wil come to meet me next year, then will meet my parents to ask them to marry me. After finishing his MBA and get a job, being an independent guy.
At this point, he sent to me 2 gifts (i didnt received yet ;-; some problems on my post office). One watch that i choosed and a card that he wrote something to me. And bcs of that gift, he told about me to his friend.
He is very caring, msg me everyday, and now he cant stay one single day without calling me to talk even for some minutes. Despite the time gap. Even on the marriage of a girl from his family, he tried to call me and talk.
I kept him as a secret, and he also. He cut the call if someone comes, friends or sister or brother. But, yesterday, i told my mother about him, but i told that i met him on my college, then he had to get back to India. I dont know why, but she its ok with that.
On the past, i asked him "if u tell about me to ur parents, do u think that they will accept me?" He told me yes. He said that he can tell his parents about me, but they will not allow him to come bcs of huge amount of money. So, he wants to be independent first.
My major issue is:
On the beggining, 2 or 3 months, he said that if i could tell mom about him, then he will do it too. But now, i didnt planned, but i just told my mother, not to do pressure on him, but bcs i hate do hide things. Then i asked when he will do that, being brave like me. He told me that all his friends knows me, and also they know that he wants to marry me. That his whole family knows that he talks to a girl everyday.
His brother have 26 years, he told me that his family one day was asking if his brother have someone on his love life (making pressure to marry soon), then, his mom and sis asked to him, if he have someone, that hes interested. Well, he said no. BUT he said "i will not marry in India". Then his mom and sis took that like a joke.
When i said to him that i told mom, he was happy, called me to know what i said etc. Then, i asked when he will be able to do that. He told me that he needs time, that now he cant bcs his brother is also a bachelor, that even his brother didnt told anything about his gf. That he wants to go back from Sigapore (bcs of his college, now in December) and then he can do it.
On the same call, he started to say that he was weak, ill, had vomits and were at hospital at morning. Started to say that he is a sick person. That i should ask mom and she will say to me that its not good to have a unhealthy partner on future.
Point is, sometimes i feel like he is giving me reasons to not talk to his parents about me. I try to understand the culture and difference, but for me, parents are pretty the same at the end.
My major fear is that, he is really in love with me. But, he will not stay with me bcs he cant go against his culture.
INTERESTING THINGS:
Idk why we met, but we have a strong connection.
2 months before met him, my heart was broke bcs of a crush that i had. Then, on my sadness time, i watched a movie called "Sawariya". First indian movie that i saw. I loved one song from that movie, and i saw lyrics. Then he says exactly what lyrics say. I mean, same expression (not love things).
I had an horrible day on my life when i was with 12 years. I never forgot that date. Then, this year, on the same date, he asked me to do the first video call. Even without knowing that fact about me.
Several times, when i just put my hand on my phone, he msg me on that moment.
Once, i had some issues then i could not sleep. I was at bathroom doing vomit. Late at night for me, he thought i was sleeping. Then he msgd me without reason: "baby, im at home now". So i was able to msg him if i needed help. (what i didnt have done to not let him worried).
Once, i was so sad, bcs we had a misunderstanding. I arrived from college, then he msgd me saying that his was sorry but he didnt received notification from 2 calls that i made. Fact is, i didnt called him, phone was on my backpack during my way home. He showed print to me, 2 missing calls. Exactly on the moment that i was sad. Even he didnt believed that i didnt called, then i showed print from my phone also.
He wanted to gift me with a watch, looong time ago. I just accepted last month. Then, when he sent the watch to me, the watch that i use, just broke, so, yeah, now i need a watch. He bought even before i needed. O.o
Always when i feel sad, or he feels sad, even when he was my secret, always something happened, then i was able to talk looong time to give support to him. And he also to me.
Once, i looked at my body, and felt bad bcs of a imperfection that i "found", then, next day, he told that he found same type of imperfection on his body. I could not believe how he knew it without me saying anything about.
Well, today i talked serious with him. He told me that, he is going to travel to Singapore in december. Then he wants to tell his parents that he met me on that country. When he is back in India. Like i said to my mother. But, he said that he will introduce me like a friend. According to him, his parents will ask if he is dating or have any plans with his "friend", since he doesn't have contact with another girls, like friends, i mean. Then he can say that we liked each other, and he is interested to come to meet me on Brazil. Also, when we were talking, he said that his brother now knows about me. But, again, i only have his words. He said that he will do it in some days after arriving from Singapore. (45 days there).
I have to say that in my 50 years it has been hard enough to run my own life.
How much harder would it have been to please my parents, AND my partners parents? Pleasing that many people? I don't see how that can work.
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If he is lying now to his parents it is clear he doesn't think they will accept you...and they more than likely would not. Most Indians still living in India are very conservative and your bf knows them better than anyone. Worse yet, most Indian families are very close so they will likely either try to break you up or literally brainwash you into becoming the perfect subservient Indian daughter-in-law. I am guessing at this, again because of your bf's reluctance to even tell them about you.
You are very naive to consider spending your life with someone you have never met and after never having been in even a SINGLE other relationship for comparison. You are closing your eyes and rolling the dice...or playing Russian Roulette - you can google that - your life IS at stake here so don't take it lightly.
It does sound like he is trying to avoid telling his parents.
I know a woman (American) who has dated several Indian men, including one she thought she might have married, but they ALWAYS ended up following what their parents wanted them to do. The man she thought was The One ended up going back to India at his parents' behest. Traditional Indian parents want their children to marry within their own culture.
I really don't know what to think. I know these facts, but I really think that he have some right reasons to not tell his parents about me now. But on another hand, I don't know if i can wait until next year to him fulfill his promise. Bcs i know that if i wait and that doesn't happen, i will have a major emotional issue.
Im between 2 choices: i can wait until he goes back from Singapore (having some fear that maybe he do not tell his parents. If he dont, then i will be able to break up. )
Another one is that i can break up now, bcs in feeling that he fears that. (I just didn't that bcs im afraid that he is really serious with me as he said, and, like me, is trying to have a good chance to tell.
Bcs feelings are real. Im just waiting to see if he us serious or not. I do love him, but i cant be inside a relationship if i dont see any chance of future on that.
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