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I posted here about the guy I'm currently going out with.
He's someone I met on Match and we had a back and forth relationship.
This time around, after 3 dates, I asked him to take down Match profile, he freaked out big time and didn't see me for 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came back and we continued going out. And we pretended the conversation never happened.
We only see each other on weekends due to the distance. We've gone on a few weekend get always trips. But still no exclusive talk.
He's still on Match, Active.
I don't feel like I can see other people while he and I are going on dates. But as the same time, not knowing where this is going make me wonder if I'm wasting my time and emotional investment. I can't just "have fun" and not be emotionally attached, I just can't.
He's sick this weekend and we're not seeing each other, I feel I just want to call and talk things out. If the feelings are not mutual what's the point to wait for another "date" only to break up? I'd rather break up over the phone, save some embarrassment.
I'd greatly appreciate your opinion. Thanks everyone
He's not sick, he is dating other women. This guy is a PLAYER. You don't even have to call him to "break up" as in his mind there is no relationship. Did you sleep with him?
Well...that's not a great phone conversation to have with a person who is sick.
How about making some soup and bringing it over, then when he is better have a face-to-face conversation.
Whose embarrassment are you saving, his or yours? Yours because you feel odd saying to his face that you want an exclusive relationship? You CAN say that, because--get this--it is true. You can say exactly what you said to a bunch of strangers on City-Data:
"not knowing where this is going make me wonder if I'm wasting my time and emotional investment. I can't just "have fun" and not be emotionally attached, I just can't."
Honesty really is the best policy. There's a risk involved. He could say he does not feel the same way. It will hurt, but you will know and can go about looking for someone who does want to be exclusive with you. And it won't hurt forever, just temporarily.
Don't worry about trying to save him embarrassment from having to say to your face that he doesn't feel the same way. You aren't responsible for his emotions.
In the end, "To thine own self be true" wins the day. Don't pretend not to feel what you feel because you are afraid it won't be well received.
He's not sick, he is dating other women. This guy is a PLAYER. You don't even have to call him to "break up" as in his mind there is no relationship. Did you sleep with him?
Yes, that occurred to me, too.
Even better if she shows up at the door with soup.
I believe in honesty and open conversation. Phase out in my opinion is cheap and classless. I'll let the other person know what's in my mind.
You say you believe in honesty and open conversation, all while stalking his Match account and WISHING he would commit to you.
Just call him with the intent of breaking up.
You two view relationships differently, and given this relationship's VERY sporadic history of flakiness and timidity, I definitely would not humiliate myself by revealing that I have feelings hoping that he will magically have them also.
Even better if she shows up at the door with soup.
Thanks so much for taking the time and giving suggestions. I want to talk over the phone cause
1. If the feelings are not mutual, if he says no, I'll be embarrassed to face the person who i have kissed, cuddled, and slept with. It's a humiliating situation to put myself in.
2. If it's hard for him to say no to my face, he agrees on being exclusive, but ghost on me after, it's more upsetting than a clear break up over the phone where at least you get your closure.
3. Since we only see each other on weekends, I feel it's a lot pressure to wait for another week to do face to face.
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