Is it wrong to tell someone that they're being cheated on? (dating, boyfriend)
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Okay so i was seeing this guy awhile ago who was previously involved in an year long affair with his ex gf. She had broken up with him 6 years ago to be with her bf she's with currently.
Anyway the second he got a new gf she was messaging him non stop with hearts and stuff, and offering to cheat on her bf with him. She (the ex) apparently continually messaged him the entire 5 years he was dating his gf and she was with her bf the entire time. Trying to get him to meet up with her and cheat on their partners together. He claims he didn't go for it until his gf of 5 years broke up with him and he was sad and lonely etc.
When we started seeing each other i asked him to tell her he was seeing someone and she flipped out. Called him crying from the bathroom at work saying how could you do this to me how could you cheat on me? It was so ridiculous i burst out laughing and she screamed at me (she was on speaker phone) calling me a home wrecking cow (oh the irony) and proceeded to hang up and sent him nudes non stop saying this is what you're giving up etc.
So i messaged her bf from a throw away account telling him his gf had cheated on him. He messaged back saying he already suspected and knew in the back of his mind it was going on and had talked to her and they were working things out. When i told him he deserved better he told me to pelase leave them alone. Then blocked my account. It was way too much drama and there were way too many red flags so i ended things with this guy.
Anyway just for funsies i decided to snoop them and see if they were still together a couple weeks later and i kid you not they were engaged complete with cheesy photoshoot etc.
I have to wonder what the psychology is behind that? Who not only stays with someone they know cheated on them but proposes to them? Not to be rude but she's not that attractive (she was okay 6 or 7 years ago when he was seeing her but she gained so much weight after she stopped snorting coke including in her face that she honestly looks like a completely different person now. She's obese, has a lazy eye, huuuge nose, etc. And she doesn't even has a nice personality. She bragged about using her fiance for money to the guy i was seeing (he paid all rent and bills) and she made him buy her expensive purses and name brand clothes and drive her to work and around everywhere because she refused to get a license). Like i see no redeeming qualities?
I feel bad for this guy but i guess now he knows what he's getting himself into. I kind of feel bad i told him she was cheating on him.. Is it my place to tell? Or should i have kept my mouth shut? I just felt so bad for him with her not only cheating on him but bragging about using him for money but evidently he didn't care.
Also do you think i was right to end things with this guy because of all the drama? Do you think i should have given him a chance? Or do you think i dodged a bullet. Sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice because he was a really decent guy
Okay so i was seeing this guy awhile ago who was previously involved in an year long affair with his ex gf. She had broken up with him 6 years ago to be with her bf she's with currently.
Anyway the second he got a new gf she was messaging him non stop with hearts and stuff, and offering to cheat on her bf with him. She (the ex) apparently continually messaged him the entire 5 years he was dating his gf and she was with her bf the entire time. Trying to get him to meet up with her and cheat on their partners together. He claims he didn't go for it until his gf of 5 years broke up with him and he was sad and lonely etc.
When we started seeing each other i asked him to tell her he was seeing someone and she flipped out. Called him crying from the bathroom at work saying how could you do this to me how could you cheat on me? It was so ridiculous i burst out laughing and she screamed at me (she was on speaker phone) calling me a home wrecking cow (oh the irony) and proceeded to hang up and sent him nudes non stop saying this is what you're giving up etc.
So i messaged her bf from a throw away account telling him his gf had cheated on him. He messaged back saying he already suspected and knew in the back of his mind it was going on and had talked to her and they were working things out. When i told him he deserved better he told me to pelase leave them alone. Then blocked my account. It was way too much drama and there were way too many red flags so i ended things with this guy.
Anyway just for funsies i decided to snoop them and see if they were still together a couple weeks later and i kid you not they were engaged complete with cheesy photoshoot etc.
I have to wonder what the psychology is behind that? Who not only stays with someone they know cheated on them but proposes to them? Not to be rude but she's not that attractive (she was okay 6 or 7 years ago when he was seeing her but she gained so much weight after she stopped snorting coke including in her face that she honestly looks like a completely different person now. She's obese, has a lazy eye, huuuge nose, etc. And she doesn't even has a nice personality. She bragged about using her fiance for money to the guy i was seeing (he paid all rent and bills) and she made him buy her expensive purses and name brand clothes and drive her to work and around everywhere because she refused to get a license). Like i see no redeeming qualities?
I feel bad for this guy but i guess now he knows what he's getting himself into. I kind of feel bad i told him she was cheating on him.. Is it my place to tell? Or should i have kept my mouth shut? I just felt so bad for him with her not only cheating on him but bragging about using him for money but evidently he didn't care.
Also do you think i was right to end things with this guy because of all the drama? Do you think i should have given him a chance? Or do you think i dodged a bullet. Sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice because he was a really decent guy
Also do you think i was right to end things with this guy because of all the drama? Do you think i should have given him a chance? Or do you think i dodged a bullet. Sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice because he was a really decent guy
Dodged a bullet. Run while you can. If he has this much dysfunction in his life it is a very strong indicator that he will definitely bring that same exact dysfunction into your life in some form.
They have the term "red flags" for a reason and they are all over this story.
Is it my place to tell? Or should i have kept my mouth shut? I just felt so bad for him with her not only cheating on him but bragging about using him for money but evidently he didn't care.
Keep your mouth shut. He is obviously happy with her and doesn't care.
Quote:
Also do you think i was right to end things with this guy because of all the drama? Do you think i should have given him a chance? Or do you think i dodged a bullet. Sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice because he was a really decent guy
Doesn't matter because it's too late. He has a GF and you sound now like you envy her.
Don't even think about spreading gossip about her to get him back.
Get a life and stop snooping.
Also your post implies that she was more desirable when skinny and abusing cocaine where I find a slightly heavier women that is drug free to be much more desirable.
You didn't feel bad for him. You wanted retaliation on the ex gf for contacting your boyfriend. Yes, you were wrong. You did him no favors. Why the fake account if you wanted to do him a favor???
You shouldn't be wondering about the psychology of why he stays with her. You should be wondering about your own and why you felt the need to get involved. It was for your own selfish reasons, nothing more.
I don't think it's wrong to tell someone that their significant other is cheating, if you know for sure. But once you have, it's up to them to do what they choose with the information.
Some people have open relationships. Some people would rather turn a blind eye. So it goes. But you may find someone who knows something is wrong, they don't know what, they're in the dark and confused, and having the knowledge is a good thing, that helps them make the correct decision to leave.
But that's up to them. Once you've shared the information, butt out, unless you are very close to the person being cheated on and your counsel is requested.
You were right to end things with the guy you were dating and you were right in telling the other guy that he was being cheated on.It is his choice to be in that mess...let him.Some people just don't know their worth and stay in relationships that are very toxic to them.Some people get out of it while others stay in it saying how they love the person...but that shows they really don't love themselves enough.Either way...it's not your business to convince the person to get away from the cheater.
You move forward to something much better for you and healthier.
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