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I've learned from experience not to date men less than two years after their final decree. They aren't ready emotionally or financially.
You know what I find interesting, I have slew of acquaintances and friends in my social circle that dated other friends within their social circle while going through a divorce.
Typically though, the person they started dating was someone they already knew for a while in their social circles.
Example:
Sue is divorcing, her best guy friend, Bill, snatches her up and they start dating WHILE she's separated. Divorce is finalized, and Sue and Bill are living happily ever after as a NEW couple.
They don't even bat an eye. Plain and simple. Sue and Bill can even get married (her 2nd marriage). End of story.
Usually I would follow your rule, Pilgrims, but men (orbiters) will wait until that ink hits the paper....they'll be on her like bees on honey. They be like "Screw those 2 years!" lol But hey at least they waited until the divorce (decree) was final.
My experience was the following: I dated a guy whose wife had walked out on him over a year prior. He and I were in a terrible car wreck. She saw the police report on his kitchen table; he told her about me while I was in ICU. She decided she wanted to come back and he took her. They bounced back and forth twice. He got the divorce, had won me back (kinda) and decided he wanted to LOOK AROUND a bit. He had the nerve to say he was hurt I didn't come to see him on divorce day. He ended up marrying a coworker.
Diviorce messes people up; protect yourself and find a single guy for a year and then see where his heads at.
To this day that relationship screwed up my head in unimaginable ways and wish I would've told him to hit the trail when he he said she wanted him back as I laid half-dead after the accident.
Yeah, I knew of a guy (single), started dating a woman who was going through a divorce. They'd been intimate, the whole nine yards, he was REALLY into her. He couldn't wait until day her divorce was final.
Now you're thinking...she changed her mind, and wanted to reconcile with her husband?.....
NOPE...
SHe DID divorce ....but...she dumped her boyfriend and decided to just DATE the NEW ex-husband. Yes, just DATE him....while she's now legitimately single.
There's no level of f-ed up psychology that can figure that out.
Yeah, I knew of a guy (single), started dating a woman who was going through a divorce. They'd been intimate, the whole nine yards, he was REALLY into her. He couldn't wait until day her divorce was final.
Now you're thinking...she changed her mind, and wanted to reconcile with her husband?.....
NOPE...
SHe DID divorce ....but...she dumped her boyfriend and decided to just DATE the NEW ex-husband. Yes, just DATE him....while she's now legitimately single.
There's no level of f-ed up psychology that can figure that out.
Bonds can be hard to break. Just because you dont like being married to someone doesnt mean you cant still care about them and enjoy their company.
Ive been in kind of that situation. Not married but living with a guy. I moved out but we continued to date for years after that. We got along better when we werent trying to live together.
Fool that I am...I entrusted the person to be moving forward.
In hindsight I had to learn to refrain from being near or within earshot of a rebounder. Save that for basketball.
When I was going thru divorce I knew I was testing the waters. .full well knowing I was not ready for anything long term. That, would take two years of rebuilding my family..after such a decision. Nope..didn't then and don't now...bad mouth the father of my kids. Why should I? That never made sense...but he and I remain decent adults and only converse in times of family gatherings for our grown kids.
I no more advocate dating a toxic person who needs to heal ...then step over the line in dating a recent widower. Both individuals need a year to re-establish themselves. Even then it's a crap shot that a year is the turning point.
The once bit twice shy really needs to be considered true. Just stay away til they are done with their rebounder dates. .
Yeah, just based on what Ive seen people going through divorce are emotionally in a vulnerable state. They are probably not thinking with their right mind. The impulse to jump into something else right away is often there. Its rebound mentality.
Predatory people can prey on this. They smell blood in the water. But people in this weakened state (just after or during divorce) might lack the strength to fight the temptation. They are not themselves.
The ethical thing to do is leave them be. Let them lick their wounds.
Dont be the bees flying to the honey pot. Or vultures descending on a carcass, or sharks to chum.
Generally - yes, I agree. That said, there are always exceptions (and rules are made to be broken). It can make a big difference if children aren’t involved (as well as short marriages vs. long).
Aren’t rules there for a reason? We create those rules to protect ourselves. I’m single, no kids, and I don’t date men who are recently divorced or have children. People who date anyone going through a divorce, or just recently divorced, are asking for relationship trouble and less fun. I don’t want to be a guy’s therapist.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,587,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
This just makes you sound shallow. Most people marry because of deep feelings which take years and years to fade completely.
It’s not shallow to think a long marriage is gonna take longer to heal from than a short one....or if there are kids involved.....
Someone who has been married just a couple years & they don’t have kids.... is really no different than a couple who dated or lived together for a couple yrs...when you compare the healing process. How’s that being shallow?
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,587,939 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by allison7
This, but it really is for anyone going through divorce, short or long. Don’t you think it’s just a good rule for singles to avoid separated or divorced people?
Everyone has different “dating rules”....if that’s what you wanna call them. BUT...you never know who or when you are gonna miss out if you are so rigid about dating. Relationships are hard enough as it is....
I can see not wanting to date someone with a kid....but single & never married men are hard to find if you are looking for a man over 30 & the guys that are....are usually taken.....
It’s not shallow to think a long marriage is gonna take longer to heal from than a short one....or if there are kids involved.....
Someone who has been married just a couple years & they don’t have kids.... is really no different than a couple who dated or lived together for a couple yrs...when you compare the healing process. How’s that being shallow?
Maybe for people who dont take commitment seriously, or who see it as a meal ticket.
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