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If there is a person who is unattractive, what would be your advice to them when it comes to finding love? And if it’s a person who isn’t sure why they aren’t good at attracting the opposite sex, how can they go about figuring out what it is about them that causes the opposite sex to not like them?
Do what I did and date women who admittedly say they don't care about looks. Most every woman that I was able to score dates with never cared about looks, just personality and character.
I'm going to take a stab and guess that by "unattractive" you mean "ugly"? Chances are good that you're not "too unattractive" for dating women. Some women, sure, but if you find that no one is interested in dating you there's something beyond your looks that's feeding their lack of attraction. As far as figuring out what exactly, I don't know, it's probably different for different people. I was confused about that for myself. But, it's probably not your looks.
I used to think the same thing. I used to think that my weight and skin made me hideous to girls, and it's why they didn't like me. When I was younger, around 14-15, I had a puerile, dark id-fantasy. I'd felt rejected by girls for the lack of romantic attention that I had begun to notice them showing other boys in my school. I was sure it was because of my weight (very heavy) and a skin condition that affects part of my face. I daydreamed of a time in my future when I'd lost the weight and mitigated the skin condition, and in which girls would approach me and be attracted by me, and I'd then have the power to reject them as they'd done to me...if they were too shallow to notice me before, then I'd want nothing to do with them after.
This is something I let go years ago. Recently I have lost the weight (dropped over 100 pounds), mitigated the skin condition by growing a full (but well-kept) beard that normalizes the color palette of my face, improved my sense of style, and filled out my muscular frame somewhat through working out. And you know, I don't look bad. I'm no underwear model, but I've seen lots of guys who are heavier, or shorter, or balder, or worse-dressed, or plain not as good-looking to my heterosexual eye who are successful with women.
When I realized that, the old, hateful daydream resurfaced and I realized its irony. Even after I'd lived up to the better-looking version of myself I'd imagined in that fantasy, women still turned me down right and left. The irony was, girls hadn't been shallowly judging me all this time...I had been shallowly judging myself! It dawned on me that the lack of success in dating that I'd always known wasn't due to my looks. There was something else about me that turned women off, and had probably always turned women off.
What is it about me that turns women off? I'm not sure exactly, but I'd imagine it's a concoction of:
-Lack of confidence around women
-Lack of experience with women
-"Trying too hard", when I was trying...led to an air of desperation
-Low social IQ...social abilities don't come naturally to me, such as reading social cues, knowing the best time to gracefully exit a conversation (I do err on the side of short conversations though), and finding interesting things to talk about, all amplified immensely when I would talk to women I was crushing on
-Lack of attractive skills and hobbies...I'm very good at certain things, but not things that are really that attractive
Other than that, there's something about me that makes women just...friendly, and just friendly. "Like a brother" is a phrase I've heard more than once. A ladies' man buddy of mine, who has known me for two decades, told me that I make women want to play pattycake, which blunts any sexual interest they might have in me. I suppose it could be best described as "lack of game", which is a dangerous phrase to use around here (as is asking on how to develop game...I wouldn't recommend it).
That's all for me, though. Maybe your difficulties are similar. But I'm betting it's not looks...I've seen burn victims and wheelchair-bound people in relationships, so unless you're worse off than that, it's something else.
Playing devil's advocate here, like in my previous post...I attributed my luck to having found women that outright told me they don't care about looks or care very little about them, and it was all about personality and character with them. So you cannot necessarily assume that just because someone thinks they are unattractive, physically, and a lot of women say aren't responding to his messages because of that...it may be actually that he or she is probably universally unattractive...physically. And they have to be lucky enough to find a woman that cares not too much about the physical, and more about what's on the inside...so you can't necessarily attribute this to his lack of confidence due to him thinking he is unattractive...physically.
It seems to be a go-to response to say to someone who thinks that they are unattractive, to say they lack confidence BECAUSE they think this.
I have a male friend that married a hottie of a woman...he's said himself he's an ugly guy, he is seriously lucky that she's into his personality more than his looks. He's overweight, has nose hairs that seriously need trimming, and bad breath. She's a model and belly dancing instructor.
1. No matter how "physically unattractive" a person may be to most others, a person who is comfortable and self confident is sexy. Stop worrying about what others think, believe in yourself, take pride in who you are. A strong relationship with God helps with this dramatically.
2. Stop looking at the opposite sex as "the opposite sex". Start seeing the people around you and show an honest interest in them. The second sexiest quality in a person is care and compassion for others.
Both of these qualities can't really be faked.
Others have had good advice that will help develop these qualities in you; advice like joining groups of other like minded people. How about developing a hobby that you become passionate about? When you really care about something, you meet others who also care.
Avoid making that something you. When all you care about is you, that is an instant turn-off.
If there is a person who is unattractive, what would be your advice to them when it comes to finding love? And if it’s a person who isn’t sure why they aren’t good at attracting the opposite sex, how can they go about figuring out what it is about them that causes the opposite sex to not like them?
- get in shape, hit the gym
- get your teeth in order and brush them
- overall, look accomplished, clean clothes, haircut, shower.
- nowadays everyone has this huge beard - you can cover up half of your face with it and look like everyone else.
- walk confident
- get educated about some topics so you have material for conversations
- find some hobbies you like and you are excited about.
- don't be too shy
- develop some confidence
- make enough money to get out of your parents basement - ideally, earn so much that you can live alone. Realistically, the higher the paycheck, the more options you have.
If that doesn't work, ask a female friend what you could do better.
If there is a person who is unattractive, what would be your advice to them when it comes to finding love? And if it’s a person who isn’t sure why they aren’t good at attracting the opposite sex, how can they go about figuring out what it is about them that causes the opposite sex to not like them?
The person should look into what makes them unattractive. Most people can do wonders by simply practicing good hygiene/grooming, wearing clothes that fit them, good diet/exercise habits, and getting braces/invisalign, teeth whitening and simply being friendly/polite and confident.
If your nose is too big and doesn't fit the symmetry of your face, and you have the money to correct the issue, do it. Just make sure that you get a board certified surgeon, with lots of positive reviews. Do not look for a cheap one, hire the best.
I have a male friend that married a hottie of a woman...he's said himself he's an ugly guy, he is seriously lucky that she's into his personality more than his looks. He's overweight, has nose hairs that seriously need trimming, and bad breath. She's a model and belly dancing instructor.
Does your friend have money? Money can be the great equalizer for an unattractive person.
I have a male friend that married a hottie of a woman...he's said himself he's an ugly guy, he is seriously lucky that she's into his personality more than his looks. He's overweight, has nose hairs that seriously need trimming, and bad breath. She's a model and belly dancing instructor.
I have these kinds of friends, too. Those guys are confident and act like a thousand bucks - and women like it.
I have a male friend that married a hottie of a woman...he's said himself he's an ugly guy, he is seriously lucky that she's into his personality more than his looks. He's overweight, has nose hairs that seriously need trimming, and bad breath. She's a model and belly dancing instructor.
I'm half as ugly as your friend (thinks he) is, and I feel like I don't want a woman to put up with me (I have issues other than my looks. Hell, my issues have issues).
You have to be in the game to get a hit. Rejection is part of the game. Maybe 3/4 of the girls you ask out will say no. Maybe 3/4 of the girls you go out with won't go past a first date. Maybe 3/4 of those that become relationships will fizzle. Maybe you will meet one person in your whole life that really clicks for you and you click for her. If that happens, work on making it work.
You have to be in the game to get a hit. Rejection is part of the game. Maybe 3/4 of the girls you ask out will say no. Maybe 3/4 of the girls you go out with won't go past a first date. Maybe 3/4 of those that become relationships will fizzle. Maybe you will meet one person in your whole life that really clicks for you and you click for her. If that happens, work on making it work.
I don't like those odds. If I knew 4/4 women would say no to me, I'd be more likely to play.
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