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Old Today, 05:12 AM
 
12 posts, read 1,808 times
Reputation: 40

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Hello..

I just realised that I am hopeless in the dating world and it seems that I am somehow drawing myself towards girls out of my reach or I am somehow sabotaging myself!!

I have a horrible dating record. I dated a girl for a few months when I was 17. She left and broke my heart.

I had a lot of casual hookups. Usually drinking/partying involved.

I found a girl who liked me but I didnt act on it when I was 24. When I was 26 I met what I thought was a great girl, but she just came out of a abusive relationship and pushed me away after 3 months of dating. Left me shattered.

I met a new girl in february through tinder. Hung out 5 times but she just looked at me as a friend.

Then in late April I met a girl on tinder who I started talking to ALOT through snapchat.. Too much really.

She lives 2 hours away and after a month we were gonna meet up. She cancelled because she wasnt ready to date. I told her to text if she changed her mind. She did. Then we met up after maybe 1 1/2 month of talking. We had a good time. Made out on the end of the night.

We meet up the weekend after at my place this time and she was a bit different I felt but still had a good time.

She was always reaching out to me by snapchat everyday etc.

The next weekend we couldnt hang because we were both out of town. She still kept texting me through weekend. On sunday I texted her asking if she could do something the following week. She seemed a bit annoyed when I was talking to her but to which she relpied: i may be going out of town that weekend, but I will let you know.

This is the last time she texted me. Last weekend she was indeed away and she posted a snapchat on her story. I wrote to her: looks like a great place! And she didnt respond.

She has not written to me in 1 1/2 week.

I have also not reached out to her..

I am not sure if maybe she thinks I dont care since it wad her reaching out most of the time or if she just isnt interested.

Still I seem to only attract girls who are emotinally unavaiable or girls who live far away or girls who have boyfriends..

I read somewhere that this is traits of people who grew up in unstable homes which my hous3 deff was with both alcoholic parents and I was taken by child support a few times because of the alcoholism.

Never been physically abused though.

But why do I draw towarda what I cant have? I actually went on a date with another girl at the same time I met this last girl.

She seemed auper interested and texted me a few times to meet up. Still I was just drawing towards the girl living far away. Now both is lost. Do I try to sabotage myself somehow and why do I do this?!? I dont understand this by myself.

It is self destructing and makes me feel extremely lonely and depressed.

At this moment I feel I will never ever ever find anyone.


Should I reach out to this last girl one more time and ask to hang out? Idunno. She never replied back to me as she said she was gonna do and to me this is just lack of interest.


Sorry for the superlong post.
What race are you ?
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Old Today, 09:19 AM
 
57 posts, read 6,577 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Yeah it really sucks. All my grandparents died when I was small, 2 friends commited suicide, one friend died at sea, the only relatives I really connected with died of cancer. My father drank himself to death 3 years ago, my cousin who was also my best friend who I miss so much died in a accident at sea 3 months ago and last week I get text that another of my uncle has gotten cancer.


Most of them didnt make it past their 40's
Norken, I have no family (I'm in my 30s) either - I know it totally sucks. I'm sorry.
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Old Today, 12:44 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Hey. Thought Id update on this situation with the last LDR girl.

I actually got a text from her now. Long text a out her apologizing for not getting in touch, because she didnt now what to say, but she said she has problem leaving her past behind etc and that was not fair to me and she need to figure out things on her own.

I had a feeling this would happen and I remember first time that we was supposed to meet she cancelled because 'she wasnt ready for dating'

I think that its not so long since she broke up with her ex, and as she has mentioned briefly one time that it was a hell of a breakup.

So, either she is just not ready, or she's back with her ex or I did something or acted in a way to turn her off.

Either way I just texted her that I understood by her silence that something was off, and that its not something to stress about since we only met a couple of times and I think shes a great girl and she can hit me up on the phone if she ever changes her mind.

I think I will just leave it at that with her.

At least now I know.
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Old Today, 12:46 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeGuyInFairfax View Post
If you were taken very young, the fear of abandonment/relationship loss could be permanently(?) stamped on your psyche, and is probably why you are picking unattainable partners -- because you know/fear it will end.

Could be. It makes a lot of sense.

But how comw I seek out the very thing Id like to avoid? This I dont understand.
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Old Today, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,434 posts, read 4,294,840 times
Reputation: 5220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
My friends dont even think I am dealing with anything, let alone loneliness. I never show weakness like this to even my best friend. I dont think theyd understand anyway.

I am always laughing and joking around my friends even how bad I feel inside.

I feel its easier to open up on a forum where I dont know anyone than to sit and moap to a friend.


And I guess you are right. She is probably dating someone else by now.
Women these days don't stay single very long if they're attractive. I had one date with a woman that a mutual friend set me up with. Date lasted 3 hours and never any awkward silences. I stayed in touch with her, not in a coming on too strong way. Soon after the date, I went out of town for vacation and we texted the first half of it. I come back and she's plastered pics of her and her new boyfriend all over facebook. That was all I needed to see to bail. I just don't understand women these days.
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Old Today, 04:12 PM
 
57 posts, read 6,577 times
Reputation: 88
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post

But how comw I seek out the very thing Id like to avoid? This I dont understand.

Google 'repetition compulsion'.
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Old Today, 04:55 PM
 
322 posts, read 84,310 times
Reputation: 665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Norken View Post
Hey. Thought Id update on this situation with the last LDR girl.

I actually got a text from her now. Long text a out her apologizing for not getting in touch, because she didnt now what to say, but she said she has problem leaving her past behind etc and that was not fair to me and she need to figure out things on her own.

I had a feeling this would happen and I remember first time that we was supposed to meet she cancelled because 'she wasnt ready for dating'

I think that its not so long since she broke up with her ex, and as she has mentioned briefly one time that it was a hell of a breakup.

So, either she is just not ready, or she's back with her ex or I did something or acted in a way to turn her off.

Either way I just texted her that I understood by her silence that something was off, and that its not something to stress about since we only met a couple of times and I think shes a great girl and she can hit me up on the phone if she ever changes her mind.

I think I will just leave it at that with her.

At least now I know.

You handled that very good, except for one thing I'll say in a moment. What you did right was that the moment a woman says 'not ready' or something like that means "no" and so your pursuing her ends right then at that moment. End the talking, and do not chase her. Leave her alone. You did that very good.


What you can do better next time is not say I think you're a great girl. Instead be more romantic, like "hey if you change your mind let me know, I'd love to get together for a romantic evening anytime, just text me." And say goodby. Saying 'your a great girl' is not romantic to her. She wants to HEAR how special she is to you. Likely you didn't know how to express yourself romantically. Say her eyes are beautiful. Then say "I hate you are not ready but call me back when you are so I can take you out and gaze into your beautiful eyes and put my arms around you..." Now if you had said that as your goodby reply, she'd remember that for a long time, and when no one else is saying those things, she'd be thinking about you.
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Old Today, 10:39 PM
 
31 posts, read 7,931 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
You handled that very good, except for one thing I'll say in a moment. What you did right was that the moment a woman says 'not ready' or something like that means "no" and so your pursuing her ends right then at that moment. End the talking, and do not chase her. Leave her alone. You did that very good.


What you can do better next time is not say I think you're a great girl. Instead be more romantic, like "hey if you change your mind let me know, I'd love to get together for a romantic evening anytime, just text me." And say goodby. Saying 'your a great girl' is not romantic to her. She wants to HEAR how special she is to you. Likely you didn't know how to express yourself romantically. Say her eyes are beautiful. Then say "I hate you are not ready but call me back when you are so I can take you out and gaze into your beautiful eyes and put my arms around you..." Now if you had said that as your goodby reply, she'd remember that for a long time, and when no one else is saying those things, she'd be thinking about you.

Yeah.. I am real bad at expressing myself romatically. I actually feel a bit akward giving compliments.

But yeah, when she says no I will not pursue. This is something I was bad at before. I would text , ask 20 times about a new get togethet etc. But in the past year at least Ive understood a no means actually no and I just throw the ball to them and leave room for them to call me another time.

Your response was a lot better! Too bad I didnt think in those ways and what you said makes a lot of sense

I will just try forget her asap.
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