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The Pretty Belgian Woman Who Convinced Me Just How Bad Dating Has Become
The author said she definitely wasn't wrong, and reminiscence to a time where he actually had to pick up a wall phone to call his first high school date.
He counters this woman and said how "we stupid Americans" to all our dating via our apps.
“You’re so stupid. You all have your dating apps on your smart phones and you sit all day and swipe, swipe, swipe, and you all have like 600 people you can meet and find love, but none of you actually dates anyone anymore.”
And then the author reflected on this as amendable, as he was thinking, "Yeah, she ain't wrong!"
She continues:
"Here in Belgium, if we go on one date and we like that person, we don’t date anyone else until we’re done seeing if that is going to work out. If we kiss someone, we are a couple until we break things off. We don’t go out with anyone else.”
Nowadays, it has become too easy. It is no longer terrifying the way it once was. People we can potentially date come to us in bulk and we have our perceived pick of the litter. We go on dates and we go on more dates and we go on even more dates. We make these great connections, and then so many of them fizzle before they really go anywhere because we always have two or three more dates lined up on the heels of the last. So, why would it matter if any one single date fails to lead anywhere great?
We pick people apart like we didn’t ever do in the past. We look for red flags and we ride those red flags right into Lonelyville, always sure that somebody just a little bit better exists somewhere on our list of matches if we can just go out with enough people to find them.
Before the days of the dating websites and apps and before the days of texting, dating was so awkward and terrifying for most of us that when we found someone we liked, we did what the Belgium woman does. We held onto that until we absolutely were sure it wouldn’t work out. We did it because getting back into the dating scene again brought most of us some form of PTSD.
So some who really think this is actually better are kind of being sucked into this de-tached world of online dating and not the organic way. Now, there are some have met and actually had success and such, but I think there's this abundance mentality that the Belgian woman had expressed with the 600+ people that people are matched up with .
1. I don't buy that dating apps are a uniquely American phenomenon, unless there's actual data that they are less popular in other countries. Not just an anecdote about some Belgian girl.
2. I am grateful for the existence of online dating and dating apps, as I've met some great women and gained a lot of confidence about dating and engaging with people generally. That said, I acknowledge that the business model for the operators of these apps isn't based on helping users quickly connect with someone for a monogamous relationship. They want you to play the game, and the popularization of the swipe-and-match format is a direct consequence of that IMO.
I am grateful for the existence of online dating and dating apps, as I've met some great women and gained a lot of confidence about dating and engaging with people generally. That said, I acknowledge that the business model for the operators of these apps isn't based on helping users quickly connect with someone for a monogamous relationship. They want you to play the game, and the popularization of the swipe-and-match format is a direct consequence of that IMO.
I agree- I'm dating a very nice guy who lives about an hour away and our paths would not have crossed were it not for OLD. Before him I had 3 previous matches where we met but there wasn't enough chemistry on one or both sides- still enjoyable, low-stakes meetings. I'm 66 so didn't have tons of matches to swipe through that interested me- some were obvious scammers and gold diggers, some looked like mug shots, some seeking women 15 years younger. So, I stuck with this guy and life is good. I also cancelled the paid membership so, yeah, people like me aren't exactly a profit center.
Although online dating has helped me meet women, since I work construction I don't have hardly any opportunities to meet women, especially single ones. The Belgium woman is right about too many options and picking people apart
I agree- I'm dating a very nice guy who lives about an hour away and our paths would not have crossed were it not for OLD. Before him I had 3 previous matches where we met but there wasn't enough chemistry on one or both sides- still enjoyable, low-stakes meetings. I'm 66 so didn't have tons of matches to swipe through that interested me- some were obvious scammers and gold diggers, some looked like mug shots, some seeking women 15 years younger. So, I stuck with this guy and life is good. I also cancelled the paid membership so, yeah, people like me aren't exactly a profit center.
I suppose it's how online dating is approached.
I hear constant complaints from women from men who CLAIM to be looking for the long term, when really they just want to bang. Some pervy comments. Mod cut.. Experiences like that, when they stack up, leads to disillusioned users of the site.
Then there are the ones that constantly text and never end up meeting. Some do it just for an ego fix, an extension to their social media. "Look at all these guys that want me!" as they show off their inbox to their real life friends.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-26-2019 at 09:09 AM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
Pretty certain that the same said dating apps are used worldwide. So it's not just an American problem. Personally I'd rather meet someone face to face, though I'm married and have no desire or need to meet anyone. But of I was searching for a relationship partner, I'd rather trust my gut than a computer.
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