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I don't find this contradictory. A person can be subjectively creeped out by someone whose behavior isn't objectively creepy. I think a few people responding were stuck on the word creepy.
Well, yes. The creepy guy is to be shunned. He is someone you warn your friends, acquaintances, neighbors, coworkers, and family about. He is someone you report to your employer, and maybe to the police. If I’m creepy, it means completely abandoning whatever setting in which I violated social norms...new job, change gyms, change churches, abandoning hobby/interest groups, cutting whole limbs off of my social tree, etc. For instance, I love theme parks and roller coasters, but I haven’t been to one in nearly two years because a single man walking around by himself in a place full of families with kids and younger adults gets some very weird (and sometimes sharp) looks. Being creepy is about the worst thing you can be as a guy that doesn’t end in -ist.
I look at the behavior described here and think, that could well have been me. Extremely lonely in a time in which it is also extremely difficult to meet new people, in a dating market heavily stilted against me as it is, I could see myself reaching out to someone from years past if I thought I might have a chance (in fact, I have done that before), and I could also see myself missing social cues and committing unintentional faux pas while I’m at it.
I want to state unequivocally, again: she does not owe him her time or responses. If she’s not interested, tell him, or don’t and just ignore him and block him. That’s fine. I’m not at all trying to say that “he deserves a chance.” Shut him down and move on.
I want to state unequivocally, again: she does not owe him her time or responses. If she’s not interested, tell him, or don’t and just ignore him and block him. That’s fine. I’m not at all trying to say that “he deserves a chance.” Shut him down and move on.
We're on the same page here. As a man with far less risk in getting to know a woman, there are things a woman could say that might seem innocuous to most men but would register as emotional risk for me and would result in me leaving whatever stage of relationship we're in. And not look back. In practical terms women ought to have a longer list of comments or behaviors that register as risky to them and they ought to be quicker to act and more decisive in response. That's a sad commentary, but there's no getting around the reality.
Not that she needs my support, but this OP talks about dating a lot here and I think her instincts and judgment are pretty good, but she often doubts her choices. In this case she did what was right for her and that's the most salient point. Knowing that some people reading would focus on her word choice, I wanted to suggest that her experience was hers to interpret and there was room to see the guy's behavior separate from that interpretation.
What's wrong with her saying that she remembers the date and didn't feel any chemistry? To answer OP. Not creepy. OP doesn't understand how hard it is for many guys to get dates.
It's hard for many women to get dates, too. So, what, anything goes if a person feels put-upon to get a date?
Not creepy per se, just kind of tone deaf. I don't see the harm in him reaching out in the first place. It's possible, even likely, that many of us once once dated someone with whom there seemed to be potential at the time, but for one reason or another it didn't work out. Maybe bad timing, circumstances, whatever. If it was a mutual interest thing, and if the timing was right 10 years later, I think the person being contacted would generally be very happy to hear from them.
I remember before I met my wife, I reached out to someone I dated when I was in my early 20s. In this case, she moved across the country to college, so naturally the relationship was over. I reached out to her probably 10-12 years later, and she was very happy to hear from me; We talked several times on the phone, and we were going to go on a date, but before we did I decided I was no longer interested in her. It wasn't because she was a bad person, I just felt we were very different and I was no longer 'feeling it'.
I think the mistake for this guy was when the responses weren't demonstrating any enthusiasm or clear signs of interests, he probably should have moved on and stopped trying to communicate.
I just listened to a podcast where a female room mate, that's rooming with a male, was talking about her sex life with other men and the fact she takes nude photos and sends them to men.
He complained about it as if it was TMI, so as a rather horny young bachelor, he took the bait (or was she baiting him?) He took it up a notch, and flirtingly said "You got pics? Send some on over to me!"
She got offended and called him a CREEPER.
That said, it seems a lot of women are over using the word "creepy" when it comes to men, and some have a rather twisted view of a definition.
Coming from a room mate, it's "creepy", but from a strange man on the net, not at all.
I just listened to a podcast where a female room mate, that's rooming with a male, was talking about her sex life with other men and the fact she takes nude photos and sends them to men.
He complained about it as if it was TMI, so as a rather horny young bachelor, he took the bait (or was she baiting him?) He took it up a notch, and flirtingly said "You got pics? Send some on over to me!"
She got offended and called him a CREEPER.
That said, it seems a lot of women are over using the word "creepy" when it comes to men, and some have a rather twisted view of a definition.
Coming from a room mate, it's "creepy", but from a strange man on the net, not at all.
It's a female imperative sexual strategy. It serves as a deterrent to keep beta men from approaching. For the most part alpha men don't care if they get called a creeper as they have many options and aren't the slightest bit concerned if 1 women thinks they are a creeper.
Meh. I think you're just being Too Harsh by using the adjective 'creepy' to describe his behavior.
If the mob here wants to accuse him of "not getting social clues", let us consider the same in reverse. Are you effectively transmitting social clues? Guys are so thirsty/starved for love and affection, that ANY acknowledgement or attention is enough to set the wheels of desire in motion. If you're willing to TALK to me, then maybe you'd like to DATE and be my LOVER. Maybe you are "oh hahaha you old friend from long time ago, howyoubeen?" But I assume he's more like 'bebe182 is a-babe-indeed lets see if Icanrekindlethatflame!'
You knew who he was, but barely remembered him from a decade ago. At one point you used to find him attractive enough to go out on a date. It's not like he was creepy guy on the bus who found Jenny's number written on the bathroom wall despite they never talked before.
In defense of isolated people in harsh lockdown conditions: yes they might be a tad lonely, and reaching out for old friend/dates buried in your paper address book is something Facebook does for you anyways from your electronic breadcrumbs (I hear). So Can't blame a guy for trying.
But txt'ing 6:30am would earn most people a rebuke. He's taking that early bird gets the worm thing too literally...
The truth of the matter is, you found him boring/lame/bad conversationalist; who txt'd too often. Rather than him 'fall back and regroup' and come back at you on a 'subsequent weekend' with some 'good material', he would tread water and just keep txt'ing you every few hours, hoping to keep the conversation alive and somehow 'build up critical mass' where'd you be LOL'ing and ZOMG'ing and then he would have a clear path to ring you up in a real phone call, advance to flirty-times and ask-you-out for old times sake. Because failure is defined as conversation came to a deadstop. ("hello darkness my old friend").
My suggestions going forward:
1. use GMAIL not TXT for arms-length people. You got to EARN your place with a Probationary Period to be in my txt msgs
2. Use of email also conditions people not to expect a reply immediately or even same day
3. Just "ignore any message before 9am and after 9pm" to train people when you open for business
if you use "Instagram DMs" or whatever msg platform, same thing: turn off notifications from that app, and kill the application when not in use.
If you dont write back for 5 (15) (30) days, and then he keep sending msgs you just say "I enjoyed the catch-ing-up, but I'm just not feeling the conversation lately. I Bid You Adieu."
I just listened to a podcast where a female room mate, that's rooming with a male, was talking about her sex life with other men and the fact she takes nude photos and sends them to men.
He complained about it as if it was TMI, so as a rather horny young bachelor, he took the bait (or was she baiting him?) He took it up a notch, and flirtingly said "You got pics? Send some on over to me!"
She got offended and called him a CREEPER.
That said, it seems a lot of women are over using the word "creepy" when it comes to men, and some have a rather twisted view of a definition.
Coming from a room mate, it's "creepy", but from a strange man on the net, not at all.
The difference, of course, being that the other men were her choice, vs. her friend who wanted to decide *for* her who she was going to send pictures to; not to mention the weirdness of wanting nude pictures of a platonic friend. But let's not let something silly like a woman's autonomy get in the way of anything, right?
The difference, of course, being that the other men were her choice, vs. her friend who wanted to decide *for* her who she was going to send pictures to; not to mention the weirdness of wanting nude pictures of a platonic friend. But let's not let something silly like a woman's autonomy get in the way of anything, right?
Right, but.... men are men, regardless...getting your male room mate all horned up whilst discussing your deep sex life with him will result in consequences such as what happened here.
Not sure of the outcome, did she move out of the apartment? lol
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