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I’m 46 and make 42K. My marriage is pretty much nothing now but my mother says I can’t afford a divorce. Couldn’t live with them and couldn’t afford my own place. So do you just stay in an unhappy marriage for that reason? He isn’t abusive or controlling. He just never wants to do anything and makes me feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault.
What if he’s thinking the same thing? If not for yourself, then at least start researching in case he also decides your marriage “is nothing now”, has no intent on making it into something, and just wants you to part ways.
If you can’t picture putting any effort into making it work and choosing to be happy that way, then google “affordable studio” in the area of your employment and take a tour. Start with the basics and move up later.
You don’t need your mother. You don’t need a divorce to be final to get out, either.
If you can't put a plan together yourself, go to a womans shelter and speak with them about how to divorce your partner and survive on your own. They can guide you toward housing, attorneys, mediators, employment, healthcare and all of the things which you are worried about.
Remember, the journey starts with small steps, each of which you are more than capable of taking on your own. Make a phone call. You can do that. Have a meeting. You can do that too. See how it all fits so easily together?
Giddy up. Life is short. No sense living unhappily.
Apparently you once liked him enough to marry him. Does that mean he has good qualities or have they disappeared. By your own admission he's not abusive. It sounds more like you are bored and unfulfilled. Well, that's on you. You can't expect someone else to fill in all the empty holes in your life.
I would work on getting a higher-paying job first! My daughter's entry-level customer service job pays about the same as yours, so surely you can do better, having 20 more years of work experience.
Interesting perspective. Maybe things are your fault, and you just don’t want to do what he wants to do. Whatever the case, if you don’t want to remain married, get divorced. The irony of whining about your husband and how unfulfilling life with him is, while completely discounting the fact that he is your life support and pays for your existence, is amusing. Waaa waaa my husband sucks, but I can’t leave him coz he provides a good life for me. Yeah ok, good luck on your own (kidding… you’re obviously too lazy to leave him and he’s too indifferent to care… how unfulfilling)
He wants to drink to the point of blacking out. So yeah, maybe she doesn't want to do what he wants to do.
Originally Posted by Layden85 I’m 46 and make 42K. My marriage is pretty much nothing now but my mother says I can’t afford a divorce. Couldn’t live with them and couldn’t afford my own place. So do you just stay in an unhappy marriage for that reason? He isn’t abusive or controlling. He just never wants to do anything and makes me feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault.
You make enough money to survive without him. Check out apartment prices in your area.
If your husband doesn't contest the divorce, then the legal fees should be minimal.
You are 46, old enough, that it shouldn't matter what your Mother says.
She is just probably you are going to want to move back in with her, and she wants to keep her own space now.
Or maybe she is embarrassed to tell people her daughter is divorced. Sometimes older people can be weird about stuff like that.
I would work on getting a higher-paying job first! My daughter's entry-level customer service job pays about the same as yours, so surely you can do better, having 20 more years of work experience.
I’d wait until after a legal separation. It will effect any alimony/child support and may play in to the settlement.
Some would advise to run up the bills now do inflate the standard of living.
Each situation is different and state laws vary.
An initial legal consultation is free.
I’d wait until after a legal separation. It will effect any alimony/child support and may play in to the settlement.
Some would advise to run up the bills now do inflate the standard of living.
Each situation is different and state laws vary.
An initial legal consultation is free.
I assume you have literally no experience in divorce law
I’m 46 and make 42K. My marriage is pretty much nothing now but my mother says I can’t afford a divorce. Couldn’t live with them and couldn’t afford my own place. So do you just stay in an unhappy marriage for that reason? He isn’t abusive or controlling. He just never wants to do anything and makes me feel guilty about things that aren’t my fault.
Half the people I know make a salary in that range and raise several kids. Why can you not afford your own place making $3500.00 per month?
It's none of your mother's business, it's your life and if you aren't happy you should remove yourself from the situation and move on. You won't have any trouble living on $42K unless you just have some kind of spending problem. Work out a budget it you have to but life is too short to stay in an unhappy marriage.
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