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So I met this perfect southern gentleman, he is very smart, works with his hands, outgoing, never met a stranger. Easy on the eyes. Today on our second date we had sushi for lunch, then went to a park and sat on a blanket in the shade and fed the ducks. THen he tells me he has something he needs to say and I have an omg moment wondering what shoe is about to drop.
About 20 years ago he was working as a bail bondsman. He was chasing a guy who skipped out on his bail and during a scuffle he shot the guy who then bled to death. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter and served 6 months. So he has a felony on his record. This was the nail in the coffin of his marriage and he suffered some hard times as a result but seems to have come out of it just fine.
He was concerned I would find this to be a deal breaker. It seems like ancient history to me and I was not bothered by it at all.
I would put it in the category of things to consider as you get to know him better.
The issue to me is how well does this guy handle his temper? If he doesn't drink, doesn't use drugs, it may not be an issue, but if when this guy does lose his temper, you know things can escalate with this guy too. So if it were me, it sounds like you like the guy, so I would keep seeing him, but I would just take things slow and kind of see how he handles stressful events.
So I met this perfect southern gentleman, he is very smart, works with his hands, outgoing, never met a stranger. Easy on the eyes. Today on our second date we had sushi for lunch, then went to a park and sat on a blanket in the shade and fed the ducks. THen he tells me he has something he needs to say and I have an omg moment wondering what shoe is about to drop.
About 20 years ago he was working as a bail bondsman. He was chasing a guy who skipped out on his bail and during a scuffle he shot the guy who then bled to death. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter and served 6 months. So he has a felony on his record. This was the nail in the coffin of his marriage and he suffered some hard times as a result but seems to have come out of it just fine.
He was concerned I would find this to be a deal breaker. It seems like ancient history to me and I was not bothered by it at all.
Should I be?
That sounds traumatic. Did he go for counselling or see anyone after this happened? Regarding the felony or criminal record it would be a dealbreaker personally given my line of work and my personal circumstances. I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't be. This is a very personal decision and there is no total right or wrong answer.
THank you for the reality check. I hadn't really thought or either of those elements. I'm not too concerned about my reputation re my line of work. As for his temper, he seems like a VERY even keeled person but how am I to judge that after two dates? Of course I cannot. And personally that is a big thing for me because my mother and my ex husband both have short fuses so for me, THAT would be the deal breaker. I'm easily triggered.
I would say it’s up to you, go with your gut. I think in this situation it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you kept this going to get to know him more and see what happens when you get to learn more, or it’s not a bad thing if you don’t want to be with someone who has a criminal record.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Only if their name was Dog and/or they're a law and order type. If the latter, there is much more involved as being convicted of a felony as a licensed bail bond agent who is on the hook financially for 90% (generally) is exceedingly rare.
THank you for the reality check. I hadn't really thought or either of those elements. I'm not too concerned about my reputation re my line of work. As for his temper, he seems like a VERY even keeled person but how am I to judge that after two dates? Of course I cannot. And personally that is a big thing for me because my mother and my ex husband both have short fuses so for me, THAT would be the deal breaker. I'm easily triggered.
In that case, see how it goes. He did disclose it early on as opposed to much later (that would have been very unkind and speak to another kind of character).
I would say that if you do decide to break it off at some point due to this, then cut the guy loose as he should also be free to find someone more compatible.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
So I met this perfect southern gentleman, he is very smart, works with his hands, outgoing, never met a stranger. Easy on the eyes. Today on our second date we had sushi for lunch, then went to a park and sat on a blanket in the shade and fed the ducks. THen he tells me he has something he needs to say and I have an omg moment wondering what shoe is about to drop.
About 20 years ago he was working as a bail bondsman. He was chasing a guy who skipped out on his bail and during a scuffle he shot the guy who then bled to death. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter and served 6 months. So he has a felony on his record. This was the nail in the coffin of his marriage and he suffered some hard times as a result but seems to have come out of it just fine.
He was concerned I would find this to be a deal breaker. It seems like ancient history to me and I was not bothered by it at all.
Should I be?
On a 1-10 scale of concern, this is a 3 IMO. Enough time has passed for him to change his life and learn from that event. Keep it in mind but this shouldn’t be a deal breaker IMO.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
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As a convicted felon, is he not able to rent places to live, and are there other restrictions that would impinge on your life if you were to marry or live with him?
It was very honest of him to tell you this on your second date, and now you need more info.
He told you on the second date. That is good. If I were interested I would hire a background check, see what I can find out about the incident.
Considering how long ago it happened, can he have his record expunged? I don't know of it can be done for everything, tho.
Take it slow. Don't be in a hurry to live together.
Last edited by E-Twist; 08-28-2022 at 09:10 PM..
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