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I agree with this. If he had wanted to DATE OP, he would've asked her on a date. But he didn't ask her on a date. He asked her over to his house, and she had to know from the get go, "Sex is what this relationship is about."
It sucks when we come to the realization that we didn't matter as much as we had hoped to the other person. I've been there. I'm sure many if not most of us have been there at some point in our lives...
Try to pull your self respect together and move on. IMO, yes, it's ok to leave a VM apologizing for your behavior, and asking for your stuff back. But IMO, don't ask him to mail your stuff. Why is it incumbent on HIM to go out of his way to make sure you get your stuff back?
When you leave him the VM, tell him you'd like to leave a box or 2 on his porch, and you'll come back on such and such day to pick them up. Tell him in VM you will assume the plan is fine unless you hear otherwise.
We did actually go on a date it was when we first met in person. I would like for us to be friends even though things didn't work out but I guess it's not possible.
We did actually go on a date it was when we first met in person. I would like for us to be friends even though things didn't work out but I guess it's not possible.
I think you'd be better off just moving on with your life. I know it's easier said than done...but I really think salvaging your self respect should be the goal now. To ME it sounds like he was being a player.
I'm of the mind that when someone says it's over, than believe them, and move on. I'm also of the mind that when that person says it's over, than it really IS over, and they don't get a second chance with me, and I won't be at their beck and call. But this is an attitude I developed over time.
Forget about voicemail. He's probably not going to pick up or listen to it.
Like oregonwoodsmoke said, send him a note but do it via snail mail that says sorry I lost my temper and let's set a time for me to come and pick up my stuff.
Better yet, IMO ask him to mail your things to you. Since he's such a cheapskate, include a money order to cover the cost of postage. Even if he blows that off, you'd not be out a lot of money and you'd never have to deal with insensitive cheapskate flyboy ever again.
This particular forum is so full of JUDGEY people who pretend to be perfect and condescend to everyone who comes here for advice that it is absolutely nauseating.
Everyone here has lost their temper. Everyone. A very normal, natural response to rejection is anger and/or sadness, it looks like you exhibited more anger here. Not the end of the world and not worthy of all the snarky responses.
Depending on what "stuff" you left, I'd either do one of two things:
1) As you said, call and leave a voicemail with a quick apology and ask that he leave a box with your things outside on a certain day so that you can swing by and get it all. Texting might work too, assuming he hasn't blocked your #. Do not go into a long, drawn out explanation though. "Sorry for losing my temper, just had a bad day. Understand you wanting to move on and fully respect that." and then ask him to leave things outside.
2) If it's not worth anything (some clothes, personal things, etc.) leave it there and move on and never communicate with him again.
I would be more inclined to go with #2 here but you might have left things that are deemed valuable to you so choose wisely and good luck.
This particular forum is so full of JUDGEY people who pretend to be perfect and condescend to everyone who comes here for advice that it is absolutely nauseating.
Everyone here has lost their temper. Everyone. A very normal, natural response to rejection is anger and/or sadness, it looks like you exhibited more anger here. Not the end of the world and not worthy of all the snarky responses.
Depending on what "stuff" you left, I'd either do one of two things:
1) As you said, call and leave a voicemail with a quick apology and ask that he leave a box with your things outside on a certain day so that you can swing by and get it all. Texting might work too, assuming he hasn't blocked your #. Do not go into a long, drawn out explanation though. "Sorry for losing my temper, just had a bad day. Understand you wanting to move on and fully respect that." and then ask him to leave things outside.
2) If it's not worth anything (some clothes, personal things, etc.) leave it there and move on and never communicate with him again.
I would be more inclined to go with #2 here but you might have left things that are deemed valuable to you so choose wisely and good luck.
He hasn't blocked me (I'm actually surprised that he hasn't) I called yesterday and left a voicemail apologizing. I'm just going to leave the stuff there maybe in time we'll talk (I don't mean hookup) again.
This particular forum is so full of JUDGEY people who pretend to be perfect and condescend to everyone who comes here for advice that it is absolutely nauseating.
Everyone here has lost their temper. Everyone. A very normal, natural response to rejection is anger and/or sadness, it looks like you exhibited more anger here. Not the end of the world and not worthy of all the snarky responses.
Not me! The dude deserved it. I would have done the same!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,723,992 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014
This particular forum is so full of JUDGEY people who pretend to be perfect and condescend to everyone who comes here for advice that it is absolutely nauseating.
Everyone here has lost their temper. Everyone. A very normal, natural response to rejection is anger and/or sadness, it looks like you exhibited more anger here. Not the end of the world and not worthy of all the snarky responses.
Depending on what "stuff" you left, I'd either do one of two things:
1) As you said, call and leave a voicemail with a quick apology and ask that he leave a box with your things outside on a certain day so that you can swing by and get it all. Texting might work too, assuming he hasn't blocked your #. Do not go into a long, drawn out explanation though. "Sorry for losing my temper, just had a bad day. Understand you wanting to move on and fully respect that." and then ask him to leave things outside.
2) If it's not worth anything (some clothes, personal things, etc.) leave it there and move on and never communicate with him again.
I would be more inclined to go with #2 here but you might have left things that are deemed valuable to you so choose wisely and good luck.
On God, spare me the everyone does this gaslighting.
Humans have the right to have emotions. What they don’t have the right to do is dictate the consequences of when they express the emotions to others in way the others find unsavory and not worth the trouble to deal with. The OP apologized, she’s done everything she can control about the event. Now the ball is in his court and he is well justified in not picking it up at all, except maybe to arrange the return of her stuff.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 10-11-2022 at 10:59 AM..
I would say to call him. In the grand scheme of life this isn't that big of a deal. Just apologize and move on. Collect your stuff I imagine as well.
I'd be more interested to find out why the OP did appear to get upset. There wasn't that much of an investment by either party and I wonder if the upset was out of proportion.
The way a person responds to certain things should be examined.
I was in a car accident yesterday and I called him and told him about it and he talked to me. I know he didn't have to do that but I really appreciate him. I wish we could be friends because talking to him really helps me a lot. I told him I would be over this week to get my stuff and he said ok. I hate how things are between us I wish it wasn't like this because he gives me comfort.
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