Interracial dating (marrying, girl, love, single)

[wclac]

Originally Posted by miu

So you're thinking safety in numbers? That you can justify whatever interracial relationship you're in by being able defend your actions by saying that you've seen 15 other couples like you?

I just remembered that there is a very nice couple that runs an antique coop near my house. She's a black woman from MD and he's a slightly older Jewish white male. I've known them for about 12 years. They always look happy together and I've never seen them unhappy or fighting.

Look, if you are ever in an atypical relationship, as long as the two of you are happy, there is no need to defend your choice of S/O to anyone. I'm in an interracial relationship with a huge age gap of 23 years and we don't need to justify our love to anyone. In fact, most people think that we are perfectly suited to one another. And that opinion is shared by our friends and families, and not because we've gone up to everyone to defend our relationship. It's all in what they see in us as a couple. We are happy all the time, never bickering or having little dramas.

So all you need to do when you are in that atypical relationship is to appear happy to your friends and to not be having conflicts.

I think that we've all known couples that bicker in public and make us uncomfortable to the point of us secretly wishing they would hurry up and break up already. But if they are happy couples exuding positive energy then everyone around them is happy for them. And why should you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable or on the defensive for dating outside your race? I think though, when you talk to your female friends and family about your interracial girlfriend, I would not say how hot looking she is to you, but tell them more about her other wonderful qualities that drew you to her. Save the hot looking talk for your male friends. However, the more non visual reasons you have for loving her will cause everyone to respect your relationship more that if you are primarily drawn to her for her looks.

Like the antique coop couple, I don't think of them as an interracial couple, but more a great couple where they both share a love for antiques and the antique business. I love couples that work together in a business. I just like the dynamics, the equality between them and having so much more to bond them together.

I just hope the woman I'm with someday, we have one thing in common - don't have kids.

[miu]

Originally Posted by LAFan

I just hope the woman I'm with someday, we have one thing in common - don't have kids.

That's not so difficult a request. Both my boyfriend and I are anti-kids. Otherwise, even though we don't want kids of our own, being a cool aunt and uncle is fine with us.

But, in not wanting kids, you both should find productive activities to do that replace not wanting kids of your own. Some people don't want kids in order to instead spend all their disposable income on themselves and toys. And in order to keep your relationship healthy and strong in the long term, as a couple you should have some common goals for the future like buying a place together or doing other activities together. If you don't have those future goals, your love for each other may dwindle as your initial infatuations fade along with your combined youthful looks.

[wclac]

Originally Posted by miu

That's not so difficult a request. Both my boyfriend and I are anti-kids. Otherwise, even though we don't want kids of our own, being a cool aunt and uncle is fine with us.

But, in not wanting kids, you both should find productive activities to do that replace not wanting kids of your own. Some people don't want kids in order to instead spend all their disposable income on themselves and toys. And in order to keep your relationship healthy and strong in the long term, as a couple you should have some common goals for the future like buying a place together or doing other activities together. If you don't have those future goals, your love for each other may dwindle as your initial infatuations fade along with your combined youthful looks.

Being a uncle or an aunt would be better.

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by Rathagos

Gotcha! Kinda like the German Aryan race thing. Sounds like a good plan.

I don't think that was the intention of the post. People can have pride in their heritage and want their progeny to be phenotypically similar to them without being Nazi eugenists.

[Rathagos]

Originally Posted by jimboburnsy

I don't think that was the intention of the post. People can have pride in their heritage and want their progeny to be phenotypically similar to them without being Nazi eugenists.

Who said anything about Nazi?!? Review my post, my good Jimboburnsy. It clearly relates solely to the desire of the Germans to raise an Aryan nation... blonde hair... blue eyes... genetics. If that's not what was being relayed in the context of "pure" then you need to straighten me out. Otherwise, I am correct. WHY they wanted to raise their "phenotypical" lineage may be in question... but it IS the same thing.

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by Rathagos

Who said anything about Nazi?!? Review my post, my good Jimboburnsy. It clearly relates solely to the desire of the Germans to raise an Aryan nation... blonde hair... blue eyes... genetics. If that's not what was being relayed in the context of "pure" then you need to straighten me out. Otherwise, I am correct. WHY they wanted to raise their "phenotypical" lineage may be in question... but it IS the same thing.

I think that we're probably both taking eachother out of the intended context a little. However, since the "Aryan Race" does not exist except as a construct of the Nazi regime, it was a reasonable assumption that "the German Aryan thing" carried an implicit accusation of espousing eugenics. I understand what Miu is trying to say and can appreciate that position. Its not the same thing as eugenics.

Dictionary: eugenics

(yū-jĕn'ĭks)



n. (used with a sing. verb)
The study of hereditary improvement of the human race by controlled selective breeding.

"Controlled Selective Breeding" is what we do with pedigreed dogs and is completely dissimilar to the dynamics of families that want to stay Asian, Black, White, etc. There's nothing wrong with that.

Otherwise, since yours is a completely subjective argument, you will have a very difficult time convincing me or anyone else that you are, in fact, correct.

[Rathagos]

Originally Posted by jimboburnsy

I think that we're probably both taking eachother out of the intended context a little. However, since the "Aryan Race" does not exist except as a construct of the Nazi regime, it was a reasonable assumption that "the German Aryan thing" carried an implicit accusation of espousing eugenics. I understand what Miu is trying to say and can appreciate that position. Its not the same thing as eugenics.

Dictionary: eugenics

(yū-jĕn'ĭks)



n. (used with a sing. verb)
The study of hereditary improvement of the human race by controlled selective breeding.

"Controlled Selective Breeding" is what we do with pedigreed dogs and is completely dissimilar to the dynamics of families that want to stay Asian, Black, White, etc. There's nothing wrong with that.

Otherwise, since yours is a completely subjective argument, you will have a very difficult time convincing me or anyone else that you are, in fact, correct.

LMAO!!!!!!!!

[MissShona]

Getting back to the original post...

I am a Black woman who has only seriously dated non-Black men. I think you see more Black women paired with non-Black men nowadays is because Black woman have finally been presented as being beautiful in their own right among the sea of the worldwide sample of females out there. Men are drawn more to appearances than women are; so it was historically easier for Black men to "cross the line".

Nonetheless, Black women still have a lot of stereotypes to combat while dating. I remember I received a message on a dating site where the guy didn't see that I was Black on my profile. When I pointed this out, he replied "Oh I like women with long hair"...and that was it. I have cousins that have natural hair halfway down their backs and I have White female friends whose hair is like 1 inch long (doesn't matter if it can grow longer....they've kept it short for as long as I've known them). Many White women cut their hair shorter as they age anyway...and many also have issues with hair thinning (rare among Black women) so really....people and their preferences are just 'wild'.

[Sprunghaft]

Originally Posted by natalayjones

The rest of the trip was tense as well because the kids had never seen and refused to eat collard greens, ham hocks, oxtails etc. My grandmother got really upset when my brother took them to eat at Burger King after she’d spent all day cooking.

I realize this is an isolated incident - my brother chose to move to a predominantly white neighborhood and the boys go to a predominantly white school so aside from my family the only black people they really see are the ones on television - but I'll admit it, when it happened I thought "this is what happens when you marry a white woman"

I am a white American female engaged to a Mexican, and we also have many culturally mixed friends. I have to say that "losing" the mexican side of the couple's cultures is really common and something that worries me a lot! We both want our kids to speak Spanish and to know Mexican foods, and at least to know some of the culture, but I know already that it is going to be a fight. I've seen enough mixed couple's whoes kids are uncomfortable speaking Spanish.

It is especially hard when the minority culture is from the father's side, since the kids have most of thier contact with thier mother, and usually the mother also does most of the cooking. I think it's unfair to expect a white mother to learn how to cook all kinds of new foods and educate her children about african american culture - it would be ideal of course (and I intend to try vailiantly with my mexican husband!) but I think in this case it's MOST important that the father play and active role so that his part of the cultural mix doesn't get lost.

[ldntown]

Originally Posted by DaBeez

Its very common. Especially where I live in southern California. Most of my friends are all interracial couples and we are all as close as family.

There are:

Asian Male/Persian female
Asian male/white female
black male/white female
Hispanic female/asian male
white male/black female
Indian male/hispanic female
Jordanian male/asian female

Just as common to see as Starbucks coffee shops.

Thats quite a combinations, asian and persian!
i only know white/indian couples and black/chinese couples. to be honest with you, im an indian male, and go back one decade and my family would kill me for marrying outside my race, but these days its become alot more liberal for people of indian and middle eastern descent to date interracially.