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Am I being too nice? I met a guy on Match. We texted back and forth, then I gave him my phone number. We talked for a while. He is nice, we have things in common. He is in a different place in his life in that he still has a daughter at home and I am an empty nester but that does not seem like a big deal as I have respect for a dad who puts his kid first. THen he said he would call me late on Saturday morning. By sunday evening I hadn't heard from him and decided I had been ghosted. FINALLY I broke down and texted him "Where'd you go?". He apologized, said he had gotten busy with work and kid stuff and asked if it was a good time to call. We talked for a while and made plans to go out for sushi this coming weekend. Also made plans to talk again on Tuesday night. GUess what? Tuesday night came and went and he didn't contact me.
Now, I'm not at all a clingy person. I don't really care if I talk to him or not, assuming that we are actually going to have this sushi date. He lives about a hour from me. I'm not all goo goo eyed over him and I'm prepared to cut a guy some slack that sometimes stuff comes up.
But I'd rather he NOT Make plans to call me and then not call me than Make plans to call me and then not call me, right? Should I mention this to him over sushi? Wait and see if a second date develops?
If the sushi doesn't work out that's the end of it. I'm desperate but not that desperate.
If this happened two times in a row, then don't keep asking him. He already knows you're interested. If he's interested, he will call. But I'd assume it's more likely he's not interested.
No. No. No. People need to stick to their promises. She is not a doormat.
Exactly this.
And if it were me, if something came up that sounded more fun than Sushi with this guy, I'd do it. 2x he said he was going to call, and he didn't. I would have no confidence in the Sushi date either.
Am I being too nice? I met a guy on Match. We texted back and forth, then I gave him my phone number. We talked for a while. He is nice, we have things in common. He is in a different place in his life in that he still has a daughter at home and I am an empty nester but that does not seem like a big deal as I have respect for a dad who puts his kid first. THen he said he would call me late on Saturday morning. By sunday evening I hadn't heard from him and decided I had been ghosted. FINALLY I broke down and texted him "Where'd you go?". He apologized, said he had gotten busy with work and kid stuff and asked if it was a good time to call. We talked for a while and made plans to go out for sushi this coming weekend. Also made plans to talk again on Tuesday night. GUess what? Tuesday night came and went and he didn't contact me.
Now, I'm not at all a clingy person. I don't really care if I talk to him or not, assuming that we are actually going to have this sushi date. He lives about a hour from me. I'm not all goo goo eyed over him and I'm prepared to cut a guy some slack that sometimes stuff comes up.
But I'd rather he NOT Make plans to call me and then not call me than Make plans to call me and then not call me, right? Should I mention this to him over sushi? Wait and see if a second date develops?
If the sushi doesn't work out that's the end of it. I'm desperate but not that desperate.
Rule of thumb: If a guy is interested, he will be on you like white on rice. He will definitely call you, he will want a date with you and would not ever ghost you or stand you up. This guy did ghost you, he was disrespectful when he did not call when he said he would. You should not have contacted him, he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but not mature enough to explain to you that he isn't really interested. With that being said, it is not likely that "sushi" is going to happen, and I would not sit around wondering and pass up other opportunities since he's already ghosted you once. He made this "sushi date" with you to tie you over for a few days. He is not someone that you want to get involved with. I would move on and not answer any calls or texts at all, especially since you are not all "googoo" about him, not "needy" but your actions say that you are, and you are wreaking of desperation whether you know it or not. Asking him "where'd you go" sent a clear message to his little pea brain that you were just waiting around for his call. Learn from each life lesson, and this is one of them.
No. No. No. People need to stick to their promises. She is not a doormat.
I agree with Eve. You don't just sit and wait on someone after they've not done what they promised to do and act as if they haven't had time, they are so busy they can't send a text or a short call? Almost everyone is glued to their phone, they FB on it all day, send and received emails and texts, listen to music, whatever........ he DID have ample time to call her, he just chose not to.
No. No. No. People need to stick to their promises. She is not a doormat.
Agreed but it is more than that. A guy who isn't following through on his promises, who doesn't call before he needs to cancel and doesn't call you after he stands you up is really low in conscientiousness. This guy has done this to the Stagemomma twice because this is how he treats everyone. Guys are on their best behavior early in the dating process. If this is how he is treating you know, how do you think this guy is really going to treat you later the future in the relationship if you were to give this guy another chance here?
I wouldn't sit by the phone waiting for some guy to call no matter what the circumstances. I have too many other things on my plate. And if someone promises they will call at a certain time, I usually tell them to just call whenever, because I can't predict when I'll be free to talk.
If he wants to talk to me, he'll call. If I'm available, I'll answer.
What was the purpose of this call anyway?
Last edited by zentropa; 11-02-2022 at 12:40 PM..
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