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Long story short. Me and her worked at a retail store the same time. I eventually moved up in the company while said co-worker did too. The relationship between me and said co worker might have been more noticeable to some co workers in the company than what I thought. I eventually left the company and the other co worker moved up in the company.
I think some of my old workers might have mentioned some things and she brought it to my attention today. Although she did ask roughly 2 years before about this co-worker to which I stated nothing happened again due to my beliefs the past is the past and to focus on what you have in front of you now aka me.
You should have been vague but honest in the first place two years ago. She asks you say "the past is the past and I'm not going to get into any details of my past with you, nor will I ask anything about yours." This way there is no answer for her to "feed her curiosities" on and cause more problems. You would have told the truth without opening a can of worms. You lied to her and that may be why she's upset, but she should not be upset that you had a sex life before her. I would apologize for lying and tell her to drop it and move on. Nip this in the bud because it's not a valid fight on her end, and if it continues, things are going to get worse if she is the jealous type.
I hope your wife is not pissed off that you slept with your coworker before you started dated because that will be stupid.
You lying to her is a different story. She have the reason to get mad about that.
Why did you lie to her when she asked you in the first place that you slept with your coworker? If there's nothing going between you and your coworker when you started dating your wife then why lied about it in the first place ? Is there something going on with you and your coworker, are you still sleeping with her? What made her question that slept with your coworker?
That last one is a good question, somethings missing here. What prompted her to even ask the question and did she ask it about other any others?
NEVER lie to the wife about anything, EVER. That wasn't what I followed in my adolescent going into young adult years. Something I've learned is the truth always come out, some how some way it ALWAYS comes out eventually. I lost a lot of sleep in those years and was extremely high anxiety. Since maturing in my early 20's I sleep like a baby worrying less knowing the only things she can get upset with me about are the things I DON'T or forget to do, like laundry
SOOOOO worth it to be honest bro. I think it's a little petty that she might be upset. It would be more understandable if you still worked together. But you don't. What you did with your ex in the past is nothing. Breaking trust is another ballpark and a weakened link in the chain. Do what you have to do to fix it and learn from it. Best of luck.
My wife found out that I slept with a co worker before we started to date. She is pissed off about it and has asked me before if I had. I mentioned I didn't, as I believe it's something of the past. How should I go about this impeding conversation with her.
Tell her "Soo WHAT". It's not like you did this now. Apologizing for past actions before you were with her is a $#!+ Test. Don't fail it or she will lose respect for you.
I've been married 30+ years. I am pretty sure my wife was not a 30 year old virgin when I married her. I wasn't, either. All I have ever asked her, is whether she'd been married or had any children. (She hadn't.) That's all I have the right to know. She has not asked me about my history either, except the same two questions (I hadn't.)
Never complain, never explain. The past is the past.
Never complain, never explain. Hank the Deuce's favorite expression.
I have to agree with the poster who said don't apologize for your past. I would go on the offensive here with her and be clear and very firm that your past is not her business and that she's treading into territory that's PRIVATE. The fact that you lied about is NOT the issue here. She's your wife but she isn't your therapist, confessor, or whatever you want to call it, and she isn't OWED any details about your past, unless you choose to tell her. You lied because you didn't want to hurt her, plain and simple. Would she rather get a detailed blow by blow description of what you and the coworker did? I guess not. Then she should mind her own business.
To me, she's acting like a spoiled brat that thinks she now OWNS you because she has the ring on her finger. No one deserves to know the details of someone's private past--their dirty laundry, skeletons, or (if you want to call it this) sins.
I hope your wife is not pissed off that you slept with your coworker before you start dating because that will be stupid.
You lying to her is a different story. She have the reason to get mad about that.
Why did you lie to her when she asked you in the first place that you slept with your coworker? If there's nothing going between you and your coworker when you started dating your wife then why lied about it in the first place ? Is there something going on with you and your coworker, are you still sleeping with her? What made her question that slept with your coworker?
I think OP explained that he thinks other coworkers have been talking about it, and it got back to the wife. People like salacious gossip...people talk. So the wife asked about it, and OP lied. But still...there's talk, so she asks again, and again he lied.
Tell her "Soo WHAT". It's not like you did this now. Apologizing for past actions before you were with her is a $#!+ Test. Don't fail it or she will lose respect for you.
Apparently, people were talking, and it was getting back to her, so she asked her husband about it. I don't think the husband told us she expected an apology for sleeping with this woman. It sounds like she just wanted clarification on the rumors.
It's not the act of sleeping with another woman that has the wife upset. It's the lying, TWICE about it. I mean...he was gaslighting his wife...was he not?
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