Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok, debate my life. I'm struggling with something (that may yet destroy my marriage). Last year, while we were separated, my husband was seeing someone else. He does not consider this cheating but I'm feeling more and more it was.
So, is it cheating to date someone else while separated from your spouse? (he left and I filed for divorce if that matters - I don't think it does).
Mod comment 12/07/2013: This ancient thread was reactivated today by Post No. 464. The current discussion starts with that post.
Ok, debate my life. I'm struggling with something (that may yet destroy my marriage). Last year, while we were separated, my husband was seeing someone else. He does not consider this cheating but I'm feeling more and more it was.
So, is it cheating to date someone else while separated from your spouse? (he left and I filed for divorce if that matters - I don't think it does).
Depends upon what he was doing. If he and she were never more than friends and they weren't being physically affectionate in any way in which platonic friends would not be, then I'd say it's all right. If he WAS going above and beyond what platonic friends would do, you're in the gray area. For a married man, I'd call that cheating.
However, y'all were separated. That may turn it into a legal issue... of what defines adultery and what is legal and illegal within a separation.
I don't think of it as cheating. I do feel that is is morally wrong to do. If my husband we to start dating someone else while we were seperated, I would feel betrayed. For every action their is a reaction. I'm sorry this is happeneding. I hope you find it in yourself to move past this and not let it eat at you.
If you were separated on the path to divorce (as it seems you were if you were filing), then I see nothing wrong with it at all. If you were separated to spend some time apart to see where both of you wanted the relationship to go, then I would say it was probably in bad taste.
In Texas, you have to be separated for a certain amount of time before you can apply for the divorce (I know this firsthand because my ex-wife and I had to be legally separated before I could file for the divorce). We also had to go to a child-related course proving we knew what the emotional ramifications could be to our children. But that's off point.
While separated from my ex-wife.. (both she and I knew there was an impending divorce), I started dating. Were there "physical" dates with women? Yes. Did I do it just because I thought it would hurt her or "because I could?" No.
Again, long-winded I know (and apologize) but I guess my bottom line is it depends on the reason/intent of the separation.
Is she still a factor in your relationship because he keeps her around or because you can't let go of it?
If she didn't arrive in the picture until after your separation and was gone by the time you reconciled, then you're the person who is bringing her into your marriage.
However, if she's still on the fringe of his life at all (coworker, friend, etc) then I can understand why you're having trouble letting this go.
I don't think of it as cheating. I do feel that is is morally wrong to do. If my husband we to start dating someone else while we were seperated, I would feel betrayed. For every action their is a reaction. I'm sorry this is happeneding. I hope you find it in yourself to move past this and not let it eat at you.
This is where I'm coming from. It feels like a betrayal. I was also so NOT even thinking about dating at the time that I can't wrap my brain around why he was.
IMHO, it doesn't matter what it's labeled or not labeled. You may feel differently, but I personally would not decide to end a marriage based on what happened when you and he were obviously having some conflict. I would be more interested in what's happening with him now. How does he view what happened? As Pirate Girl asked, is this woman still in his life? If not, I think you should try to put it behind you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
