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I think it's pretty presumptuous to think that a woman who advises another to have a child on her own would do so because she's "anti-male." There are other extenuating circumstances which would prompt such advice.
I guess if I wanted a child that badly, I'd do it myself (although the tackling a guy on the street option sounds intriguing ), probably by adopting. For now, however, I'm going to see where life takes me in the next couple years. Hopefully I'll meet a guy who does want kids, but if that doesn't happen, I still have time to adopt. Adopting may be the only option for me anyway, with my non-fresh eggs
One piece of advice for guys out there - if you don't want kids, be very up front about that in a new relationship. I was lied to by my ex-fiance. We talked at length about having kids of our own, discussed whether or not I'd keep working, and selected the home we bought together based on the need for an extra bedroom. We'd only been in the house two months when he bailed and one of the excuses he gave was that he didn't want any more kids (among the many sorry excuses he gave, 19 days before our wedding). Might have been good to disclose that before the mortgage papers were signed!
I do have some friends who adopted twins from Russia. They were both in their early 40s, I think he was 40 and she was 44, and neither had kids already. They tried the in-vitro route but it didn't work. Last I heard, they were blissfully happy with their adopted children.
I'm another who's blissfully happy with our two adopted kids from Russia! During our adoption process, I got to meet lots of single women who, like you, were not married but still wanted a child. So, on their own, they adopted kids. Most adopted just one, but two friends adopted more (one adopted 2 and the other adopted 3.) In my area (DC/MD/northern VA) there are lots of single adoptive moms in their 40s. I was 45 when my first came home and 47 when my second came home. It's exhausting, but I'd never change a thing. Oh, by the way, my eggs were no longer 'fresh' . Hubby and I got married when I was 43 and he was 42, so we knew the chances of a bio child weren't good. He was also childless when we met and wanted kids, so in the past, there was at least one 40-something man who wanted kids. I'm thinking there might be more. They aren't easy to find, though.
I'm wishing you lots and lots of good wishes!
Last edited by cmacf1; 09-12-2008 at 10:28 PM..
Reason: who's/whose issue
I'm 40 now, and with the turmoil in my life I can't see even looking into adoption for at least two more years. I'm preparing to move to a new city and start a new job. I'm closing on a new house today (which was advertised in the listing by the way as "a mother's dream house") which I'll move into in two weeks. There's been a lot more drama in my life in the past two years than just the ex-fiance/ex-boyfriend issues discussed in other threads so I need a bit more time to get to a happy place in life that I'd want to bring a child into, but I'm glad to know that you can still adopt at 45.
I'm 40 now, and with the turmoil in my life I can't see even looking into adoption for at least two more years. I'm preparing to move to a new city and start a new job. I'm closing on a new house today (which was advertised in the listing by the way as "a mother's dream house") which I'll move into in two weeks. There's been a lot more drama in my life in the past two years than just the ex-fiance/ex-boyfriend issues discussed in other threads so I need a bit more time to get to a happy place in life that I'd want to bring a child into, but I'm glad to know that you can still adopt at 45.
We all spend a lot of time and energy on planning our lives, but they rarely go as planned. There's a saying: if you wanna make the Gods laugh, tell them your plans. Remember the movie Under the Tuscan Sun? Frances was planning on a wedding and a baby in that villa she bought. Well, there was a wedding and there was a baby... not hers... but it happened... Apparently the Gods need to have their ears flushed sometimes as they don't seem to hear some parts of the wishes well...
And we also tend to wait for the right time for everything. It never seems to come. If you really want something, just do it. The world would end if all waited till they had the perfect setup to bring a child into their lives.
At your age, the chances of having a successful pregnancy are not so great, and you shouldn't wait any longer for Mr. Right to come along and give you children.
If you are financially secure, if I were you I would adopt a baby asap. There are so many children who need homes and love.
To me, the idea of a frozen "Pop" is unsavory, but it's another way to go.
I'm 40 now, and with the turmoil in my life I can't see even looking into adoption for at least two more years. I'm preparing to move to a new city and start a new job. I'm closing on a new house today (which was advertised in the listing by the way as "a mother's dream house") which I'll move into in two weeks. There's been a lot more drama in my life in the past two years than just the ex-fiance/ex-boyfriend issues discussed in other threads so I need a bit more time to get to a happy place in life that I'd want to bring a child into, but I'm glad to know that you can still adopt at 45.
Well I'm pleased to see that you will consider adoption. There are too many kids out there without loving homes.
I feel for you Sis! I married someone with two kids who doesn't want any more. Everyone keeps trying to sell me on the wonderful merits of being basically childless. Honestly, it sucks. Yep, we have lots of time, a little cash, and a really clean house. The thing is - that wasn't what I wanted. I'm from a large, affectionate family. I worked hard for an education, made a career, bought a home, and got married. I've traveled. Why is it wrong to want to look at other faces around my dinner table? My friends have suggested sperm donation, adoption, fostering, Big Sisters, divorce, an affair. Those things just don't seem quite as fulfilling as two loving people creating and raising a child together. How is it weird to want a family? I would think I'd be more strange to want to be so alone! Stability and connectedness isn't something most men want these days, I guess. I'm 36. I don't have an answer. Sincerely I hope your luck is better than mine.
I would encourage you to look for a man who is a bit younger than you and wants children. You are still young enough to have babies, and life with a younger man would allow you to "catch up" in enjoying the family life you want. Best of luck -- don't overlook a good potential mate just because he's younger than you, okay?
Your best chance is to find someone who doesn't already have kids. Most 40-year-old men I know have kids and if they're divorced and paying child support they don't want any more.
I wouldn't wait too long to try to conceive if you're serious about having a biological child. Fertility drops off sharply after age 40. By 45 it's almost impossible to have a child using your own eggs. I'm not trying to scare you--- I'm 40 and pregnant and I know women who have had kids at 43, 44 and 44, but the sooner you start the better your chances.
I know a few single women your age who have foster children and are very happy so that's something you may want to consider.
On a bright note, I'm friends with a 47-year-old guy who just met his fiancee online this summer. He can't wait to have kids and either can she (she's 36). He's planning to move across the country to marry her in February and they're going to try to conceive right away. After that, he's all set to give up his career and become a stay-at-home dad. So, men that fit your needs/desires are out there---it's just a matter of finding them.
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), probably by adopting. For now, however, I'm going to see where life takes me in the next couple years. Hopefully I'll meet a guy who does want kids, but if that doesn't happen, I still have time to adopt. Adopting may be the only option for me anyway, with my non-fresh eggs 
