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OK, here I am, 40 years old, never married, no kids but want some! I thought I'd be fine with just having step kids but two years ago my fiance left me for another woman and while that still stings a bit, what I miss most about him is his two kids. I was almost step mom to two of the greatest boys on the planet. They just recently turned 13 and 16 (they were 9 and 12 when I met them). I felt very comfortable with them, they liked me, we all got along really well, and their ages seemed perfect for me to be a step-mom. It stinks that losing the man also meant losing the kids. My ex had also said that we'd try to have kids of our own as well, but ended up leaving me for someone who doesn't even like kids. Go figure!
So now I find myself wondering if I'll ever be a mom, and if I should even factor that desire into who I choose to date? Will I be giving up the chance at a wonderful husband if I insist on kids? Or do I limit myself to guys who are willing to have a baby? If I end up marrying a guy with kids who doesn't want any more with me, I feel like I'm opening myself up to the same situation as two years ago. I don't really want to date guys with grown kids because those seem to be the guys who most definitely don't want more kids, and I don't really want to be a grandma yet.
I guess I'm just frustrated because since my fiance left, the only guys that seem to want to go out w me are dead set against having more kids. For the most part, they have kids who live with their ex and aren't even around that much. I feel like I'm missing out on school plays, soccer games, etc. Are there any men over 35 who still want babies? I really am fine with being a step mom, but after what happened with my fiance, I don't want to end up alone if the next guy leaves after 10 years, taking the kids out of my life.
I really am fine with being a step mom, but after what happened with my fiance, I don't want to end up alone if the next guy leaves after 10 years, taking the kids out of my life.
Answer to question: Not many. Not me, anyway.
Here's where the hard wiring is so different between the genders. Why do women bond with someone else's kids as intensely as you describe? Assuming they have an ok relationship with their biological mom, you will always be "second fiddle." I doubt most men form such a bond with partly grown kids who are more loyal to their biological dad...or even the one they never knew.
What if you get a really good guy but no kids? At least you've got someone to share your life with.
what about adoption? there are kids of all ages waiting to be adopted. that way they would be yours and no one could take them from you.
Adoption is fine, but it's a very similar issue. Are there any guys over 35 that are willing to adopt infants or even older kids, like 4 or 5yrs? I have no problem with single parents who adopt kids, but I grew up in a two parent household and think it's the best choice, if at all possible. My divorced friends with kids really struggle with raising kids alone and while their situation wasn't their fault, I don't think I want to go into that on purpose.
I wouldn't say I had bonded with my ex's kids "intensely" but we all had a good time together on the weekends we had them, and I took an interest in them and their lives. I never tried to be a "Mom" just a step mom. They already had a Mom and I respected that. They were very well adjusted considering what my ex must have put their mother through (hindsight is 20/20). I just still miss them sometimes.
Kids after 40 isn't a big deal these days. People, routinely, live to be in their upper 70's and beyond these days. There is plenty of time for you to raise kids.
Have you considered insemenation? At 40, I'm not sure I'd wait too long. Fertility drops off quickly as we age.
Have a baby on your own if you can't find a guy who wants kids. The funny thing is guys will say they don't want kids but then they date women with kids, So have your baby and then find a guy if you can't do it the other way around.
To put it crudely, them eggs aint gettin' any fresher. I'm also in my forties and child free by choice. Something kicked in at some point and now I'm glad I didn't make the decision to have kids. I love em and all that but I like my life the way it is and I hope who ever I end up with has grown children, because looking after young kids would be like taking a step backwards at my age.
I don't know you so I can't tell you what to feel or do, but I do feel for any woman who years for a child. Good luck.
Kids after 40 isn't a big deal these days. People, routinely, live to be in their upper 70's and beyond these days. There is plenty of time for you to raise kids.
Have you considered insemenation? At 40, I'm not sure I'd wait too long. Fertility drops off quickly as we age.
Good luck
So again, you think it's OK for a person to bring a child into this world with one parent. Are you anti-male or something?
To put it crudely, them eggs aint gettin' any fresher. I'm also in my forties and child free by choice. Something kicked in at some point and now I'm glad I didn't make the decision to have kids. I love em and all that but I like my life the way it is and I hope who ever I end up with has grown children, because looking after young kids would be like taking a step backwards at my age.
Agree.
Agree.
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. I'm also in my forties and child free by choice. Something kicked in at some point and now I'm glad I didn't make the decision to have kids. I love em and all that but I like my life the way it is and I hope who ever I end up with has grown children, because looking after young kids would be like taking a step backwards at my age.
