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A lot of times, it is true that we won't tell you things because.......
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we don't want to hear your bitching, your nagging, your incessant whining..etc
It's not even about hurting your feelings, it's that guys like to avoid the confrontation when possible.
Speaking from experience, if he knew you had access to his email ( I am assuming he did, otherwise YOU were snooping) that, if he was going to cheat and didn't want you to find out, he'd have it emailed to an account you don't know about.. etc.. he wouldn't leave it out on front street
Almost all of my friends are women.. and they can vouch to you that it is strictly platonic. My last gf, she was apprehensive about a couple of my female friends, once she met them, it was cool. They even told her in confidence, that I was like a lil brother to them.. the one even went as far to say that I was the only guy she had ever hung out with that never tried to get in her pants...
It sounds as if it is not working out for both of you... maybe you both need to move on. Better to have "wasted" three years than to continue on and waste even more
A lot of times, it is true that we won't tell you things because.......
:::::::::::::::::::::RUMROLL::::::::::::::::::
we don't want to hear your bitching, your nagging, your incessant whining..etc
It's not even about hurting your feelings, it's that guys like to avoid the confrontation when possible.
Speaking from experience, if he knew you had access to his email ( I am assuming he did, otherwise YOU were snooping) that, if he was going to cheat and didn't want you to find out, he'd have it emailed to an account you don't know about.. etc.. he wouldn't leave it out on front street
Almost all of my friends are women.. and they can vouch to you that it is strictly platonic. My last gf, she was apprehensive about a couple of my female friends, once she met them, it was cool. They even told her in confidence, that I was like a lil brother to them.. the one even went as far to say that I was the only guy she had ever hung out with that never tried to get in her pants...
It sounds as if it is not working out for both of you... maybe you both need to move on. Better to have "wasted" three years than to continue on and waste even more
hey! We don't all b*tch and whine and complain....geez
actually, in my experiences, men do more of that than women do
as a young female lemme tell ya......most of the time friends of the opposite sex just don't work out as you would have liked it to......I wish I were wrong, I get along with guys much better than I do girls and I'd looovee to have more guy friends..However, Im pretty sure i've never had a strait guy friend who hasn't eventually developed a crush or vice versa...it happens especially when your young....dang hormones...... Im not saying it couldn't ever happen but the chances of that are pretty slim......
My managers wife was the same. Every female he came across, she got the funnies with. I went to Hooters with him and she was maddingly jealous. I should have gone to his front door and put a spank on her. Silly cow.
Location: Málaga, Spain, soon to be Montreal, Canada
194 posts, read 492,004 times
Reputation: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldwine
What I think is that if a person is so emotionally immature and insecure that they cannot handle their partner having a close relationship with another woman/another man, they shouldn't be dating at all.
They should be in third grade learning to color inside the lines.
I'm neither married nor engaged, and nor do I want to be. And frankly, I can't imagine the kind of relationship you describe, where sex costs something. The literal translation of your question turns one into a prostitute. He doesn't owe me, I don't owe him, and you know what? I don't need him. I don't need his attention, I don't need his affection and last but not least, I don't need him in my life.
I'm happy he chooses to be there, because I can't (and I won't) force him to stay. He has to be free to leave whenever he wants, or to give as much or as little as he desires in a relationship. Because although we'd like things to work a certain way, more often than not they simply don't. You can never own another human being heart and soul, and this pathetic jealousy over their friendships with someone of the opposite sex is just that: an attempt to own their affections like a lease, on demand whenever you choose.
...you're damn straight that my love is free: free to give, free to receive, free to come, and last but not least, free to go. Free to have other relationships with people who might, gasp, just be as important to him as I am. And I'm alright with that. I'm an adult, not a child.
It's been about a year since I posted my relationship drama on here. Not to leave you wondering about whatever happened to us, I will let you know how things went down.
After my initial post the situation worsened. The arguments were getting more common and we were both getting so fed up with each other that we barely spoke and we weren't intimate for like three months. It was hell. We were like roommates. It got to the point where we spoke about him leaving and breaking up for good. He did leave, left for 5 days. Those were one of the worse 5 days I ever spent. It was so hard on me not having him around. Regardless of how bad things got I wanted him home and wanted us to work things out.
He did come back and we made the decision together that we were going to give it another try. He apologized, told me he understood why I felt how I felt and that he was sorry for how bad things had gotten. We were suppose to start on a clean slate, but it wasn't as easy as it seem it would be. We had to work really hard, we still argued many more times, but we never let the situation get as bad as it used to get.
Eventually this girl just started being brought up less and less. She stopped calling. I remember they always called each other on their birthdays and that even died down.
Things are definitely much better. I see the change in him I wanted to see, the change that showed me he really wanted to make things better and not give up.
He has his female friends. He's had a new job for a while now. He talks to other females, females that I haven't had the chance to meet yet. But this time is different. I don't feel these people are intruding as I felt the other person was.
So far we are doing just fine.
I appreciate everyone who gave me some constructive advice and didn't criticize. I needed to vent at that time and it helped.
It's been about a year since I posted my relationship drama on here. Not to leave you wondering about whatever happened to us, I will let you know how things went down.
After my initial post the situation worsened. The arguments were getting more common and we were both getting so fed up with each other that we barely spoke and we weren't intimate for like three months. It was hell. We were like roommates. It got to the point where we spoke about him leaving and breaking up for good. He did leave, left for 5 days. Those were one of the worse 5 days I ever spent. It was so hard on me not having him around. Regardless of how bad things got I wanted him home and wanted us to work things out.
He did come back and we made the decision together that we were going to give it another try. He apologized, told me he understood why I felt how I felt and that he was sorry for how bad things had gotten. We were suppose to start on a clean slate, but it wasn't as easy as it seem it would be. We had to work really hard, we still argued many more times, but we never let the situation get as bad as it used to get.
Eventually this girl just started being brought up less and less. She stopped calling. I remember they always called each other on their birthdays and that even died down.
Things are definitely much better. I see the change in him I wanted to see, the change that showed me he really wanted to make things better and not give up.
He has his female friends. He's had a new job for a while now. He talks to other females, females that I haven't had the chance to meet yet. But this time is different. I don't feel these people are intruding as I felt the other person was.
So far we are doing just fine.
I appreciate everyone who gave me some constructive advice and didn't criticize. I needed to vent at that time and it helped.
Thanks so much for taking the time to update your thread - I love it when that happens
Congrats on working thru your issues and getting on the right track. It sounds to me like you have to remember to always trust your gut instincts, and they were telling you that girl was trouble! Kudos to your boyfriend for "getting it" and growing with you
What do you guys think about same sex friendships?
I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our relationship isn't perfect, but which one is? Overall he is a very sweet guy, but in the last year and a half he became very close to a female co-worker of his. I have to admit it bothered me when I found out he started having communications with her outside of work. I didn't understand why they had to speak to each other over the phone when they saw each other everyday.
I tried my best and did my part to welcome her as his "friend", but didn't feel comfortable being around her and asked him to please not set up any meetings with her because I didn't want to be put in that situation again. This past year has been rough for us. He lost his job, I was diagnosed with cancer (fine now) so he doesn't work with her anymore, but he kept the relationship going regardless of how I felt about it.
What made the situation worse was when he tried to hide the fact he set up a lunch date with her. I found out about the meeting by reading his e-mail. He tells me the reason he hid it from me was because he knew how I felt about her and didn't want to upset me.
Anyway, to not make this any longer we have been arguing about this for months and even if things go well it always seems to come up. We have been close to breaking up many times because this has brought up trust issues. I have asked him to stop talking to her. I don't want them to be friends anymore, but he refuses to and tells me that he'll do anything to avoid her, which he has not. He has a new job, she has his work e-mail, they are friends on facebook and I have tried to put it past us, but he really is not helping. Perhaps I am making a big deal out of this? After all they are "just friends".
The fact that you have told him on several occasions to please drop the friendship because it makes you uncomfortable and you don't like it and he hasn't makes me to think how much respect he really has for you and how much he truly loves you. If he really did care he would drop it so you can be more peaceful and not fight with him over it.
The fact he had a lunch date with her without saying anything would have me thinking how many other times have they gone out without saying anything to you about it.
If she makes you feel uncomfortable it must be for a reason and you shouldn't have to put up with it at all.
Sorry about this. I went through a certain situation myself where an old friend of my boyfriend tried to reach him again via emails,texts and phone calls. I intervened right away and told both of them straight out I don't like the contact between one another and don't feel comfortable at all over her coming back years later out of nowhere and for what?
Well, I don't know if they still speak or not but I feel better I spoke my mind about them two when I found out and if now they do still speak it's better for me not to know because sometimes not knowing is better then driving yourself nuts. If I do catch them again though it will be over because obviously he is not respecting me or my feelings and god only knows what has happened in between all this time that has passed.
What do you guys think about same sex friendships?
I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our relationship isn't perfect, but which one is? Overall he is a very sweet guy, but in the last year and a half he became very close to a female co-worker of his. I have to admit it bothered me when I found out he started having communications with her outside of work. I didn't understand why they had to speak to each other over the phone when they saw each other everyday.
I tried my best and did my part to welcome her as his "friend", but didn't feel comfortable being around her and asked him to please not set up any meetings with her because I didn't want to be put in that situation again. This past year has been rough for us. He lost his job, I was diagnosed with cancer (fine now) so he doesn't work with her anymore, but he kept the relationship going regardless of how I felt about it.
What made the situation worse was when he tried to hide the fact he set up a lunch date with her. I found out about the meeting by reading his e-mail. He tells me the reason he hid it from me was because he knew how I felt about her and didn't want to upset me.
Anyway, to not make this any longer we have been arguing about this for months and even if things go well it always seems to come up. We have been close to breaking up many times because this has brought up trust issues. I have asked him to stop talking to her. I don't want them to be friends anymore, but he refuses to and tells me that he'll do anything to avoid her, which he has not. He has a new job, she has his work e-mail, they are friends on facebook and I have tried to put it past us, but he really is not helping. Perhaps I am making a big deal out of this? After all they are "just friends".
Seems we have a cheating man theme going today? This ,hiding things, is bs, what they always say. Oh, I just didn't tell you becasue it would upset you, etc. No. He didn't tell you becasue it would make you upset BECAUSE he knows he is in the wrong. Although I don't usually think ultimatums are good, I think he does need to choose , her or you. Why is he letting this negative influence into your relationship if he values it? Where is this man's priority? Hard questions, I know. A lot of them want to have thier cake and eat it. Do you want that or do you want a man all your own? And are you strong enough to leave him if he doesn't straighten up to be free to find the man who will not even dream of doing this to you? I wish you the best becasue I know it is hard hard hard.
Thanks for all your comments. I just noticed I made a mistake on my original post, it should read "opposite sex freindships"...LOL. I don't know how to edit, but you guys got it.
He tells me it shouldn't matter anymore since he doesn't work with her. He says he's never going to see her again because she doens't live close and that I should just let it go if I want things to work. I just keep holding on hoping I can get over all this and move on, but it just bothers me so much.
Maybe I really should try contacting her. Then again I would feel bad if she is totally innocent to what's going on.
Im easy because I have the same situation. This is what gives me peace of mind (most of the time......) He will never physically see her. That is my definition of cheating, crossing that physical line (you know what I mean.) You will have to let it go if you want things to work. Fair? Of course not. But true. pm me if you like. Been there done (doing) that.
It's been about a year since I posted my relationship drama on here. Not to leave you wondering about whatever happened to us, I will let you know how things went down.
After my initial post the situation worsened. The arguments were getting more common and we were both getting so fed up with each other that we barely spoke and we weren't intimate for like three months. It was hell. We were like roommates. It got to the point where we spoke about him leaving and breaking up for good. He did leave, left for 5 days. Those were one of the worse 5 days I ever spent. It was so hard on me not having him around. Regardless of how bad things got I wanted him home and wanted us to work things out.
He did come back and we made the decision together that we were going to give it another try. He apologized, told me he understood why I felt how I felt and that he was sorry for how bad things had gotten. We were suppose to start on a clean slate, but it wasn't as easy as it seem it would be. We had to work really hard, we still argued many more times, but we never let the situation get as bad as it used to get.
Eventually this girl just started being brought up less and less. She stopped calling. I remember they always called each other on their birthdays and that even died down.
Things are definitely much better. I see the change in him I wanted to see, the change that showed me he really wanted to make things better and not give up.
He has his female friends. He's had a new job for a while now. He talks to other females, females that I haven't had the chance to meet yet. But this time is different. I don't feel these people are intruding as I felt the other person was.
So far we are doing just fine.
I appreciate everyone who gave me some constructive advice and didn't criticize. I needed to vent at that time and it helped.
thank-you for this. As it took me a little to catch on that you wrote all this a year ago, I thought , oh, I hope she tells us how it went. I wish you the best and am happy for you becasue I know you love him.
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RUMROLL::::::::::::::::::
hey! We don't all b*tch and whine and complain....geez
especially when your young....dang hormones
