Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
All this wonderful talk about communication. It's all BS. What about when someone asks you how you really feel, and you spill your guts out and they get all pissed off and immediately the ONLY course of action is "Well then, we need to go our separate ways if that's how you feel." No gray area, it's either black or white. Oh, and marriage counseling? Forget that! One party absolutely does not believe in it and will never, ever go. So, you go by yourself, spend a sh*tload of money - several thousand dollars - only to still be at square one. Yeah, communication, alright. Sorry, but it's a load of crap.
Communication only works if both people cooperate. If you are dealing with someone who won't communicate, you don't have a healthy relationship.
If you tell someone how you feel and their reaction is to leave you, isn't that person doing you a favor? What they have communicated is that you and your feelings don't matter. Do you really want to be with soemone who is so dismissive of your feelings?
Communication only works if both people cooperate. If you are dealing with someone who won't communicate, you don't have a healthy relationship.
If you tell someone how you feel and their reaction is to leave you, isn't that person doing you a favor? What they have communicated is that you and your feelings don't matter. Do you really want to be with soemone who is so dismissive of your feelings?
It's more complicated than that. But thanks for your well-wishes.
For years when I was younger, I had an idea of the man I wanted. I then tried to take the men I was with & fit them to that mold. I wasted a lot of time for both of us in doing this.
You have to learn all you can about someone. What their beliefs are, their upbringing, how they get along with their family & others, etc... to see if you are compatible enough to make a relationship work. IMO, so many people today base a relationship off of sex & passion without developing the relationship first. I've been guilty of that myself.
And if you are listening, instead of dismissing because you don't like what's being said, you'll understand exactly why the person you are communicating with thinks and feels the way he/she does.
As I said, I can listen till the cows come home, I can understand why somebody feels or thinks certain way, but none of this changes anything an iota. It's not like anything is wrong with the person per se; it's just that he's not the person for me.
I'll give the forum as an example as we share a lot, many times more than one would with a SO. There are some probably delightful to others people I don't wanna be anywhere near to in real life and I'm sure they feel the same way about me. Nothing wrong with any of us - simply not compatible.
All this wonderful talk about communication. It's all BS. What about when someone asks you how you really feel, and you spill your guts out and they get all pissed off and immediately the ONLY course of action is "Well then, we need to go our separate ways if that's how you feel." No gray area, it's either black or white. Oh, and marriage counseling? Forget that! One party absolutely does not believe in it and will never, ever go. So, you go by yourself, spend a sh*tload of money - several thousand dollars - only to still be at square one. Yeah, communication, alright. Sorry, but it's a load of crap.
You have to START with it. Obviously it won't cure what is wrong. But if you had made your true thoughts known from the beginning, you wouldn't be in the position to **** the other person off. It goes hand-in-hand with respect. And THAT is the numero-uno item on MY list.
And for a professional working relationship to be successful, you better believe that poor communication will not only frustrate your co-workers, it can get you fired very quickly.
Communication is only one building block of a relationship. But it's a core one; I think without it, everything else tumbles.
You have to START with it. Obviously it won't cure what is wrong. But if you had made your true thoughts known from the beginning, you wouldn't be in the position to **** the other person off. It goes hand-in-hand with respect. And THAT is the numero-uno item on MY list.
And for a professional working relationship to be successful, you better believe that poor communication will not only frustrate your co-workers, it can get you fired very quickly.
Communication is only one building block of a relationship. But it's a core one; I think without it, everything else tumbles.
Yes, I know. I am a horrible person and I probably deserve whatever it is you guys think I'm getting. Yeah, I guess I'm just a liar and have never been truthful and have always been deceptive. That's gotta be it. You've hit the nail on the head. I really have no reason to take up space on the planet. I'm just a worthless piece of sh*t. You're right.
Love in the open hand, no thing but that, Ungemmed, unhidden, wishing not to hurt, As one should bring you ... apples in her skirt, I bring you, calling out as children do, "Look what I have -- And these are all for you." ------- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Love or affection or friendliness in the open hand, giving openly and without conditions, without "agendas", not holding back the integrity of our being.
Wishing not to hurt... so deliberately choosing moment by moment to be kind and friendly, or to not speak or frown.
A gift, to the other. Expecting nothing in return. Not even thinking of receiving. Just being.
Just giving --
acceptance as we ourselves want acceptance,
letting the other be who they are as we want to be who we are,
never even thinking criticism or judgment, because we have not lived the other's life and do not live in the other's mind, and no one has a right to criticize or judge anyone,
knowing we are on the same team being together to have fun,
reverence for the vastness of the other's spirit as we know our own spirit is vast.
As I said, I can listen till the cows come home, I can understand why somebody feels or thinks certain way, but none of this changes anything an iota. It's not like anything is wrong with the person per se; it's just that he's not the person for me.
I'll give the forum as an example as we share a lot, many times more than one would with a SO. There are some probably delightful to others people I don't wanna be anywhere near to in real life and I'm sure they feel the same way about me. Nothing wrong with any of us - simply not compatible.
Congradulations, you've discovered the point of communication! People think that communication is suppose to solve their problems (meaning keep the people in the relationship together) when the true point is to discover compatibility.
There's nothing wrong with discovering that you are incompatible. But people thin that if that's the outcome communication was a failure. It wasn't. Sometimes the answer is, "No".
Yes, I know. I am a horrible person and I probably deserve whatever it is you guys think I'm getting. Yeah, I guess I'm just a liar and have never been truthful and have always been deceptive. That's gotta be it. You've hit the nail on the head. I really have no reason to take up space on the planet. I'm just a worthless piece of sh*t. You're right.
Geez. Did I say that? And nothing in my post was referring to you...not at all. Just relationships in general. I was discussing a hypothetical situation - I have no idea what your situation is. Sorry you took it that way.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 12-21-2008 at 09:53 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry you took it that way.
