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I know several people who decided to just separate and skip the formal divorce because of the economic issues involved in divorce. They ust skip the lawyers and accomplish the same thing. Unless and until one of them wants to remarry they feel divorce is an unnecessary expense that they cannot afford.
Maybe that is part of the cuase in the drop in formal divorce.
...And wound up talking to a very prominent divorce attorney in town. She was pretty cotton-picking funny about the subject, but she told me one startling statistic: Divorces are down something like 18% in the past year.
Not because couples are getting along better, mind you, but because their home values have plummeted.
So my question is this: If you wake up one morning and decide to divorce your spouse, wouldn't you rather just take your financial lumps than live with somebody you hated?
And, if you have been one of those people who gutted it out for financial reasons, what was it like? And what was the point where you could finally divorce? I mean, if you were still having marital relations with somebody because you were waiting for your home value to go up, isn't that in effect prostituting oneself?
I couldn't do it. When I want out, I just want out and that's it. I don't care about finances at that point. If the choice is to be miserable day in and day out with someone I despise vs. being broke but independent, I'll choose the latter every single time. Then again, I've also always worked. I don't know how I'd feel if I had been a stay-at-home mom dependent on my husband's income.
And, if you have been one of those people who gutted it out for financial reasons, what was it like? And what was the point where you could finally divorce? I mean, if you were still having marital relations with somebody because you were waiting for your home value to go up, isn't that in effect prostituting oneself?
I wonder if you misunderstood the attorney...or perhaps I'm misunderstanding you. Just because a planning-to-divorce couple is living under the same roof, it doesn't necessarily mean they're still sharing the marital bed.
Years ago when my sister and brother-in-law "split up", they continued to live in the same house (different bedrooms) because neither could afford to move out until the house was sold. They lived this way for about 6 months, communicating through the kids. It must have been awful.
...And wound up talking to a very prominent divorce attorney in town. She was pretty cotton-picking funny about the subject, but she told me one startling statistic: Divorces are down something like 18% in the past year.
Not because couples are getting along better, mind you, but because their home values have plummeted.
So my question is this: If you wake up one morning and decide to divorce your spouse, wouldn't you rather just take your financial lumps than live with somebody you hated?
And, if you have been one of those people who gutted it out for financial reasons, what was it like? And what was the point where you could finally divorce? I mean, if you were still having marital relations with somebody because you were waiting for your home value to go up, isn't that in effect prostituting oneself?
This is not a new phenomenon. When times are tough, people try to make things work because they don't want to take less than they would ordinarily be entitled to. I am in the legal profession as well and I've seen this in cycles.
So my question is this: If you wake up one morning and decide to divorce your spouse, wouldn't you rather just take your financial lumps than live with somebody you hated?
Do you really think that all divorcing people hate their partner? I'm sure that some, perhaps many, do. But I suspect that many don't. They may feel sadness, frustration, and/or disappointment. But I would think that many couples that split do not hate each other. Thus, toughing things out for a little longer could be difficult but not unbearable. Furthermore, you mention taking your financial lumps: how big are these lumps? If these "lumps" are large, and the couple don't hate each other, then sticking together for a little while longer -- or even being separated and waiting for the right time to file the papers -- might be a perfectly rational calculation.
Bottom line: it would seem to be a classic cost/benefit situation. Both staying and leaving pose costs but could also provide benefits.
Years ago, one of my closest Russian friends told me it was quite common for couples to get divorced and then continue to live together. They would have loved to move into different places, but they were stuck together for financial and housing shortage reasons. Back in the day, moving around wasn't so easy, either. I imagine things got especially interesting when the former spouses started dating again.
This is not limited to Russia. I know several guys who had to do that and move into the basement. In one case, we passed his ex on the stairs. She could have flash frozen turkeys!
I knew of one woman who was caught screwing around and didn't want the kids, so she got the basement. Unusual.
one time my family was holding one of those parties.. i was watching one of my tapes of "China Beach" where "Holly" and "Hang" were singing "Blowin' in the Wind" after which i put one of my tapes of Jimmy Swaggart and one of my friends didn't believe me that he was watching the church sing choruses(he was Baptist) he laughed at the way the church was speaking in tongues and also the organ(it was a Hammond) he said something to the effect of "we don't use a Hammond in our Church that would make the old folks mad" another one in 1990 i was watching "On Scene" episode about the Lifeflight helicopter crew rescuing victims of a three car collision and a rescue of a young couple stranded by a river and none took notice about what i was watching..
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