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I have a divorced girlfriend who I've known for over 20 years. She's been playing the internet dating game with no success. I've tried to tell her to either get involved in her community and or music festivals (she loves music) in order to meet people. She's always got an excuse, but is so totally not happy with her dating life. She's an attractive woman (47), but for some reason (I think her desperation to have a boyfriend is preceeding her), the fish aren't biting.
I basically told her either get involved in something or quit bitching....also, quit looking....
I have a divorced girlfriend who I've known for over 20 years. She's been playing the internet dating game with no success. I've tried to tell her to either get involved in her community and or music festivals (she loves music) in order to meet people. She's always got an excuse, but is so totally not happy with her dating life. She's an attractive woman (47), but for some reason (I think her desperation to have a boyfriend is preceeding her), the fish aren't biting.
I basically told her either get involved in something or quit bitching....also, quit looking....
Any suggestions?
You've done all you can. Anything beyond this, and you'll make yourself responsible for her happiness, which is completely unrewarding.
If she asks further advice, then give it. But don't pull punches. Other than that, she has to make her own happiness. And if she won't get up off her ass, then her lack of happiness is self-inflicted.
So... being a good friend you've offered up some advise and she refuses to put any of that advise to good work and you want to keep helping her out with this subject because.....?
The best thing you can do is just sit back and let her complain. Seriously. From what little you posted, it sounds to me like she's just too lazy (or likes to complain) to try and expand her options of finding someone. Not much you can do with lazy.
But after a while of her complaining (I don't do well around complainers)... I'd learn the art of quickly changing the subject... otherwise you're just gonna be the person she bounces her complaining off of.
They probably have a book called 'Dating for Dummies' that might help.... and I dont mean this as an insult. There are some good books but if she wont listen to you I doubt she will listen to anything in a book either. If she gets lonely enough, she will do something....
You've made suggestions and she's apparently chosen to discount those suggestions. Next time she brings up her dissatisfaction with meeting people, tell her you don't want to hear it.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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I agree you dont have to be responsible for others happiness but its okay to lend a hand. Some people are afraid to go places and do new things by themselves. Could you go with her to a few festivals etc just till she learned the ropes. My Mom was like that. I had to go to her 45th high school reunion cause she wanted to go but wouldnt go alone.
It sounds like she wants you to listen and sympathise...and that's it. So, just be there for her; that's help enough.
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