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My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
Last edited by 7th generation; 04-23-2009 at 04:12 PM..
Reason: moved from Maryland forum
My husband and I were together for ten years before we got married last year. We have two children. Our relationship has always been challenging. Most of these challenges resulted from his substance abuse issues and low self-esteem. He has lost job after job. I believe that he is functionally illiterate. Two years ago I finally finished getting my Bachelor's and got a decent paying job. My husband decided to go back to school also at that point. He was doing really well, became really active in the kid's lives and was working and going to school. We set goals and I was so happy that we were working towards them. That's when we decided to get married.
Well, within four months of our marriage, he dropped out of school. He began drinking excessively again and he is now working about 15-20 hours per week at a restaurant on weeknights. That's it. He's home all day and when I get home the house is a mess.
He gives me about $250 dollars per month, but his personal bills exceed $500 per month (of course I pay those as well as all of the other household bills). The problem is, we live in a house that my parents own. Therefore, he's the one that needs to leave. He doesn't have any money - or seemingly the capacity to earn any. I can't afford to "set him up" in a new place and his family won't help him out.
What can I do? I want out of this so badly. I've worked too hard to provide my kids with a good life and I'm not even able to do so because I'm supporting this grown man!
Consult a divorce attorney and file for legal separation. I know of people still living in the same house that were separated, not sure the laws on it but that's the first thing you have to do.
or you could always have your parents evict him...it is their house. you could also cut things off like the cable, don't buy any groceries, make it very uncomfortable for him to be there so he will want to leave! i guess that won't work if you have kids but a good thought!
Wow, that truly stinks and I don't blame you one bit for wanting him gone! I think you really need to get legal advice on this. I'm guessing maybe you can have him removed for trespassing or evicted if you can show somehow that you need him to leave and you're getting divorced.
or you could always have your parents evict him...it is their house. you could also cut things off like the cable, don't buy any groceries, make it very uncomfortable for him to be there so he will want to leave! i guess that won't work if you have kids but a good thought!
Funny you mention cable, as that's the bill that he reminds me about the most. Wouldn't want the ESPN or MASN cut off - then what would he do all day!
Unfortunately, in Maryland yo have to be seperated - not living under the same roof for one year before divorce. He really would be homeless, living in a car that's in my name, that I pay ridiculous insurance rates on because of his driving record. Did I mention he got a DUI in our DRIVEWAY last month?
I am NOT a lawyer, but I believe you are not separated if you are living together. A no fault divorce in Maryland requires a 12 month separation period, which means no co-habiting. Consult a lawyer to see if there is a way around that.
Steph, I could tell you a million and one things to do. As mentioned by teatime, I would also HIGHLY suggest you consult a lawyer asap, preferably one who specializes in domestic issues. From there, he or she can advise you as to what course of action to take.
While you cannot "fix" your husband, you may want to consider steering him towards substance abuse counseling, especially for the sake of your children. At this point, the protection and welfare of your children is paramount. Good luck.
boy did you get hoodwinked. Have you asked him to leave? File for divorce and if he wont leave have your parents evict him.
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How to get rid of a husband that won't leave!
