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What if y'all are happy together for the time being, but you doubt that you'll find long-term happiness with them?
People are people. No one is going to bring you long term happiness. Putting that on another person is a real burden. Happiness is sort of a by product. Like when you help someone, or when you give to someone.
People expect someone to make them feel like birds and butterflies are flying around their head forever. It just isn't so...but a relationship enters a more comfortable phase.
If I doubted I could be with someone long term, I wouldn't keep seeing them, because it would take me away from potentially good prospects. I think maybe people do the sex buddy thing to fill in because they can't find someone they like?
How do you know they don't care or how much? What if neither wants a commitment?
There are several reasons why people don't commit. It isn't necessarily because they are selfish or don't care for the other. And there are relationships of all kinds. Two people who are committed to each other are not the only ones capable of having a relationship.
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But those are still contradictions.
If you care for someone, how can you leave the door wide open?
Why wouldn't you want to commit? If there is a problem, then it's probably not even worth hanging out with that person.
A relationship based on sex, aka bed buddies, is just that. But when you have someone really desire you for who you are, who doesn't want another man touching you, because HE wants you...that's commitment.
The sex buddy thing just sounds like settling for less.
When someone cares about someone, they don't want the next person taking them away.
It makes no sense to care about someone, and think they are a real "Find", and then leave the door open so something else can come along.
"Oh gee, I care about you, I really like you, in fact, enough to sleep with you, but...if you meet someone else, go for it...I can't commit to you."
You are projecting your own disapproval onto something other people are fine with and define for themselves.
You're right, it makes no sense to care about someone and think they are a real find and leave the door open. But you don't have any control over that if that person wants the door to be left open. In that case, you move on to someone who is looking for the same thing you are. But if two people are in agreement with being in that situation, who is to say it is wrong? You can't presume to know how much they do or don't care for each other just because you see it the way you do. I'd venture to say you have never been in such a relationship, or you'd know that it is not so cut and dry.
If you care for someone, how can you leave the door wide open?
Well, "Care about" is a loaded phrase. I learned the hard way, this phrase is manipulative.
The implication is, "if you don't commit, therefore you don't care about me." Which is of course not necessarily true.
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Why wouldn't you want to commit? If there is a problem, then it's probably not even worth hanging out with that person.
A relationship based on sex, aka bed buddies, is just that. But when you have someone really desire you for who you are, who doesn't want another man touching you, because HE wants you...that's commitment.
I'm honestly trying to understand, within the context of my own needs/wants, which exist independent of any sort of commitment. There are many reasons why committment might not be a good idea, even if two people are happy together.
I agree that if I'm committed, I don't want another guy near her.
However, wanting a person all to yourself requires no certain level of committment from either side.
If you care for someone, how can you leave the door wide open?
Why wouldn't you want to commit? If there is a problem, then it's probably not even worth hanging out with that person.
If you are with someone, made the commitment and leave the door wide open, caring might come into question. If you are not ready for commitment, the honorable thing to do would be NOT to commit. And someone who is not ready doesn't necessarily have a problem.
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A relationship based on sex, aka bed buddies, is just that.
That is the true definition, yes.
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But when you have someone really desire you for who you are, who doesn't want another man touching you, because HE wants you...that's commitment.
That just speaks to what he wants, it takes two to be in a committed relationship.
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The sex buddy thing just sounds like settling for less.
That would be the case for those who are settling. Not for those who are truly comfortable with it. In any relationship, you have to have common goals for it to work. There are no victims when you are both seeking the same thing.
You are projecting your own disapproval onto something other people are fine with and define for themselves.
You're right, it makes no sense to care about someone and think they are a real find and leave the door open. But you don't have any control over that if that person wants the door to be left open. In that case, you move on to someone who is looking for the same thing you are. But if two people are in agreement with being in that situation, who is to say it is wrong? You can't presume to know how much they do or don't care for each other just because you see it the way you do. I'd venture to say you have never been in such a relationship, or you'd know that it is not so cut and dry.
You are absolutely correct, I haven't been in a relationship like that, because it isn't something I want.
I never said it was wrong, though I find things I don't like about it.
Well, "Care about" is a loaded phrase. I learned the hard way, this phrase is manipulative.
The implication is, "if you don't commit, therefore you don't care about me." Which is of course not necessarily true.
I'm honestly trying to understand, within the context of my own needs/wants, which exist independent of any sort of commitment. There are many reasons why committment might not be a good idea, even if two people are happy together.
I agree that if I'm committed, I don't want another guy near her.
However, wanting a person all to yourself requires no certain level of committment from either side.
Which is why, if you think someone has potential, you date them and get to know them. If you feel they aren't someone you want to be with, then you find that out.
It seems people don't want to date, they want to go in at the top and have sex and intimacy, but leave the door open, and if this is something you want, then go for it.
If you are with someone, made the commitment and leave the door wide open, caring might come into question. If you are not ready for commitment, the honorable thing to do would be NOT to commit. And someone who is not ready doesn't necessarily have a problem.
That is the true definition, yes.
That just speaks to what he wants, it takes two to be in a committed relationship.
That would be the case for those who are settling. Not for those who are truly comfortable with it. In any relationship, you have to have common goals for it to work. There are no victims when you are both seeking the same thing.
I have personally known people who were with someone for years, some up to 15 years, in a sex buddy "relationship" and one day, the one person exercises their ability to just walk out. It devastated the other person because, no real commitment or not, there WAS a commitment of years together. There was that history, all that time spent, that intimacy.
If someone told me, "Hey, I really care about you, but I won't commit to you" then that's not a relationship. That's why there is DATING. Dating isn't about a commitment, it is about getting to know someone. Sex buddies don't even fit into dating.
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