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In real life, when I married and my wife and I were leaving one day and she hopped in the driver's seat. When I came out of the house she was sitting in the driver's seat.
I said, "Move over."
She said,"Why can't I drive? It's my car." (Her car BEFORE we got married)
I said, "I'm driving. Move over."
This went on for about 10 minutes. Finally she moved over.
She never questioned me after that. She always knew that if we were going somewhere together I was driving and she would sit in the passenger's seat.
It's not that I never let her drive. She will never question who is driving. It's always me unless I tell her to drive.
Go ahead, tell me it's wrong.
I can't really tell you you're wrong (that's for your wife to say .. if she likes it, I love it); however, I do wonder if you were acting in the right spirit. Not knowing you, to context or the situation, it's hard to tell.
I have a similar story. For years, my wife let me drive even after I've had a few too many. (For the most part, she doesn't drink.) When I was younger, this was a mark of pride. (Like any good Irishman does, I hold my liquor well.) A few years ago, with the daughter in the backseat, I sat at the helm and thought .. you know, this ain't right. Of course I can drive my family home right now .. what kind of Irishman would I be if I couldn't do that .. still, you know how those cops be with their checkpoints and all. So I handed the keys to the wife. She balked. She likes to pretend she doesn't know how to drive when I'm around. We fought that one out.
Now, it's understood. When I drink, she drives. And, I'm not proud to say this, I drink probably more than I should. Lately, she has taken to guilting me into not drinking if she's too tired to drive or is not comfortable with the route. She's clever. I wouldn't have married her if she weren't. I think she may have just found a way to limit my drinking. She sure as hell will never decide what's best for my body though. I'm not the subject matter expert on her body, and she's not on mine. Still mulling this one over.
Whoever said marriage is easy was a fool. I find it fun, but rarely easy.
Someone's gotta be the boss LOL - in all reality though, a relatiomship can't always be fair in that sense, I realized a long time ago that my fiance is way better about finances than I am (of course he makes three times as much LOL, so he has more to do with) but I just had to let him make financial decisions and I ask him for his advice.
When it comes to life experience though, I have more of it so he has learned to trust my "instincts" about certain things and because Im the more aggressive in the relationship, when I see him being taken advantage of, I step up and say something. He's much nicer than I am.
Is he being taken advantage of, or is he just choosing his battles? Everything doesn't have to be a battle. That's more laid back than 'nice'. I don't know the guy, but I think people confuse that.
My father was not one to be played with. He would check your jaw if you showed any disrespect. But he also would 'lend' money ( just a few dollars here and there) to a few neighbors who were in need, where he knew he wouldn't get it back, but he knew if somebody was breaking in our house, or car, or messing with his family, those neighbors would sound the alarm.
One more point, a wise colonel told me this: When you're trying to decide if you should speak up and tell your boss his plan isn't the best one, consider this -- COULD it be done in the way he's proposing? Not SHOULD it be done his way, but COULD it. If the answer is yes, it could ... support it .. even if you think it shouldn't be ... that's how you keep your ego in check. That works for marriage too ... really, wife, really? You'd really rather take route A, as opposed to route B? (Will route A get you two where you need to go? If yes, why argue .. life is too short.)
I can't really tell you you're wrong (that's for your wife to say .. if she likes it, I love it); however, I do wonder if you were acting in the right spirit. Not knowing you, to context or the situation, it's hard to tell.
I have a similar story. For years, my wife let me drive even after I've had a few too many. (For the most part, she doesn't drink.) When I was younger, this was a mark of pride. (Like any good Irishman does, I hold my liquor well.) A few years ago, with the daughter in the backseat, I sat at the helm and thought .. you know, this ain't right. Of course I can drive my family home right now .. what kind of Irishman would I be if I couldn't do that .. still, you know how those cops be with their checkpoints and all. So I handed the keys to the wife. She balked. She likes to pretend she doesn't know how to drive when I'm around. We fought that one out.
Now, it's understood. When I drink, she drives. And, I'm not proud to say this, I drink probably more than I should. Lately, she has taken to guilting me into not drinking if she's too tired to drive or is not comfortable with the route. She's clever. I wouldn't have married her if she weren't. I think she may have just found a way to limit my drinking. She sure as hell will never decide what's best for my body though. I'm not the subject matter expert on her body, and she's not on mine. Still mulling this one over.
Whoever said marriage is easy was a fool. I find it fun, but rarely easy.
The context was not mean. She is just stubborn and competition is her best asset. Yeah, there is many other times I had to stand my ground on her issues till she backed down. I was nice in this inccident. I just had to stand there for a while till she backed down. I would have stood there all night if need be.
I don't drink anymore so that is never an issue in our relationship. I can see your wife's point. Sounds like you have a good catch.
It's wrong because it's unsafe and inefficient, and inefficiency suffered for the sake of some stupid principle is pathetic. When driving long distances, particularly in unfamiliar territory, the best way to travel is for one person to drive and for the other to navigate. (By the way -- that's how sailors and most pilots travel, as well.) This is still the best way even if you have a GPS. One person should concentrate on the driving, while the other should make sure proper direction is taken, detours are followed correctly, etc. It's also best for the driver and the navigator to switch every 3-4 hours; even if there is no actual rest involved, merely changing gears wards off fatigue and reduces the chances of an accident or misdirection. (At this point, I beg that you spare me the tedious tales of your superior driving. I will happily concede that every man on this forum, who adheres to vicious sexist stereotypes, is a multi-billionaire, a Formula-1 type race car driver, and has a perfect washboard and a 19" tool. Okay?) Of course, this ruins your neat little metaphor about who should be in charge -- since it's hard to tell indeed whether it is the driver or the navigator. In any event, your statements about driving lead me to believe you actually do very little of it -- in the sense that you don't get out much. Which is a pity. You should do a little traveling -- might broaden your horizons a bit. Or maybe you are just one of those people who can't go to an unfamiliar place, unless it's with a tour group of 30+ (which would, of course, render your philosophizing about the driver seat even more comical than it already is).
Lastly, I really don't care how your wife feels. That's her business. If she gets off on being ordered about and treated like a subordinate, while you get off on petty domestic lordship, that's your own thing to deal with. Pushing it on others and lecturing people on how they should subjugate others or suffer themselves to be subjugated -- that's what's really wrong. Stick to driving your own car -- as I've stated above, you haven't gotten that mastered yet, anyway.
You are one of those gals that keeps on talking even over others just to make your point stand out right? Rude and loud? Swinging your hands as if you is all that? Probably single too huh?
Thanks for your thoughts. I will put those in a bag and leave them at the curb.
Originally Posted by WestCobb I can't really tell you you're wrong (that's for your wife to say .. if she likes it, I love it); however, I do wonder if you were acting in the right spirit. Not knowing you, to context or the situation, it's hard to tell.
I have a similar story. For years, my wife let me drive even after I've had a few too many. (For the most part, she doesn't drink.) When I was younger, this was a mark of pride. (Like any good Irishman does, I hold my liquor well.) A few years ago, with the daughter in the backseat, I sat at the helm and thought .. you know, this ain't right. Of course I can drive my family home right now .. what kind of Irishman would I be if I couldn't do that .. still, you know how those cops be with their checkpoints and all. So I handed the keys to the wife. She balked. She likes to pretend she doesn't know how to drive when I'm around. We fought that one out.
Now, it's understood. When I drink, she drives. And, I'm not proud to say this, I drink probably more than I should. Lately, she has taken to guilting me into not drinking if she's too tired to drive or is not comfortable with the route. She's clever. I wouldn't have married her if she weren't. I think she may have just found a way to limit my drinking. She sure as hell will never decide what's best for my body though. I'm not the subject matter expert on her body, and she's not on mine. Still mulling this one over.
Whoever said marriage is easy was a fool. I find it fun, but rarely easy.
Enjoyed this story of yours very much. No, marriage is not easy, as any relationship, it is very hard, but life is hard as well, which I think the hard times are a reminder that when we experience the good times, we not only appreicate them, but learn to be so thankful for them, as you do your partner.
What I tried to show here, in starting this thread is that we can't always lead, in all relationships, even in our careers, there are times we must work together as a team and let other's step up to the plate...if we don't, we run the risk of truly harming that person's path in life....
A good leader is one is also can stand back, observe and allow. And in each of us is a leader, as well as a follower, listener, nurturer, who possesses, strength, life experiences, diversity, a character who is able to really love their mate, so much so, we would push them ahead, even if it means sometimes, leaving us behind...and compassion, feelings and understanding the needs of others is a great tool to be a good leader.
Yes, in some marriages, there are those who are very controlling leaders, who have to lead all the time...very unfair, unthinking and selfish.
And please understand, I don't mean power when I use the word leader...not in the least....so anyone out there who reads this, don't see the word leader out of context...
I'm talking about a leader who is so good at leading, they will step back and allow their mates to have their day in the sun...who is willing and able to collaberate within the leadership.
WestCobb, as many of the men in here, you are indeed a joy to read.
thank you
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Yeah, there is many other times I had to stand my ground on her issues till she backed down. I was nice in this inccident. I just had to stand there for a while till she backed down. I would have stood there all night if need be.
