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I wish that were true, but I've known men so much more loyal to their buddies than to their spouses.
One more try:
What do you think about cultures wherein infidelity is common but families are given priority? Would you be capable of friendship with those participants?
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
I wish that were true, but I've known men so much more loyal to their buddies than to their spouses.
One more try:
What do you think about cultures wherein infidelity is common but families are given priority? Would you be capable of friendship with those participants?
I wish that were true, but I've known men so much more loyal to their buddies than to their spouses.
Well then he gets promoted from regular arsehole, to two-faced, misogynistic arsehole.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
One more try:
What do you think about cultures wherein infidelity is common but families are given priority? Would you be capable of friendship with those participants?
Like I said, any friend of mine who engaged in such behavior would no longer be a friend. Of course, some people think it's cool, but there's nothing cool about destroying someone's life.
I too have been cheated on in the past and was unable to even THINK about forgiving her....she cheated on me while I worked and with a man I considered a very close friend of mine.And I can't speak for you,but I could no longer trust nor stand to be around her...So we have common ground there.
I cheated later and on a different partner...I have no valid excuse as to why I did it because there is NO EXCUSE FOR IT.I can blame a boring,lifeless relationship for it...I can blame constant nagging on it,issues that didn't appear the first 6 months or I can blame the fact that it would put a close to it in what I thought would be a quick and final way...but if I blamed those things(although true) I would STILL be a cheating liar.I agree with you there.
I do NOT agree on throwing a real friendship away if that person is cheating(although I can understand you doing so if you wish)....I do NOT condone the fact that they are cheating,but I also do not give up on that person either...he/she did not have a marital bond with ME....he/she did not cheat on ME......he/she may need my help after the whole thing turns to crap on his/her confused ass...and trust me,it WILL turn to crap 9 times out of 10.
Do they disgust me? Yes...because having been on both sides I can see just how seedy the whole thing is and know somebody(or several somebodies) are getting ready to get hurt...Does it anger me? Yes,because the older I get the more I hate drama and scenes,but IF ASKED I try to give the best advice I can and hopely things will be better for them...if I'm not asked,then I try to stay as far away from it as possible.Would I lie or cover for them? Absolutely not and my friends know me well enough to not even go there with that BS.
As for life experiences,well that's a draw because we know nothing of each other,but if you've been as far under the porch looking for eggs as I have,you probably at least found my watch or truck keys.
First off, I respect that you take full responsibility for your infidelity. It seems like a lot of people who cheat can't even do that. Instead, they make excuses and try to justify their actions.
Second, when I say I would stop being friends with someone if I discovered they were cheating, I don't mean to suggest that's something I would do so casually. If anything, I would do it with great reluctance and probably with a lot of hesitation. Friends should be there for one another in times of need. If a friend of mine made an honest mistake and felt remorseful about it, I wouldn't beat them up over it. But cheating to me isn't just any mistake. No matter how it's justified, is ultimately an act that causes another person pain. That may not be the intent, but it is a consequence, one that I can't see anyone saying was accidental. Yes, it's true that my friend isn't married to me and wasn't cheating on me. But it is a betrayal in the sense that someone who you thought had good character really didn't. Friends vouch for one another. If someone insults my friend, I'm there to defend them. But imagine how it feels to defend someone and tell everyone you think is a person of good character only to be proven wrong by that very person you thought you knew.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
I wish that were true, but I've known men so much more loyal to their buddies than to their spouses.
One more try:
What do you think about cultures wherein infidelity is common but families are given priority? Would you be capable of friendship with those participants?
Men too often are loyal to their buddies first. We've all heard the saying bros before hos, a saying which I personally despise. As for your question about cultures where infidelity is common, I'm reluctant to answer only because I don't believe in generalizing about entire cultures. I prefer to look at people as individuals, not penalize them for what I think are common traits of their culture. In some cultures, women are treated as second-class citizens. But if I met someone from that culture, I wouldn't automatically assume he's like that. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
No. I would never drop a friend that cheated on her/his spouse. I also think that cheating is absolutely wrong, but I'm not about to judge anyone's circumstances and choices. That's NOT what friends do!!! Friends need to be there for their friends through thick and thin, through good and back, through ALL their mistakes.
I love what Jesus said: "those of you without a sin can throw the first stone". Am I a freaking saint to turn away from a friend who cheated??? We ALL have dont things we are not proud of. A sin is a sin is a sin. We have lied and betrayed and did all kinds of sins too. Even if we didn't cheat on our spouse, we are not entitled to place judgements on others. PERIOD.
I would never turn away from a friend who cheated, because most likely it's the lowest saddest point of her life. I wouldn't condone it, I wouldn't support it, but I would still be her friend and be there for her, because I would expect the same.
And while some of us are riding on the high horse screaming how cheating is wrong, they would never do it blah blah blah...remember this: you NEVER know what life can throw at you. People are capable of all kinds of mistakes, be careful with your promises, the most righteous get tested the most.
I love what Jesus said: "those of you without a sin can throw the first stone".
We're not talking about throwing stones. We're talking about protecting ourselves from getting hit by any being thrown at people who don't deserve it (i.e., the spouse).
If you read the rest of the thread, you'll find that we're not talking about judgment in order to feel holier-than-though, we're talking about removing ourselves from the toxic orbit of a hurtful, empathy-lacking person.
We're not talking about throwing stones. We're talking about protecting ourselves from getting hit by any being thrown at people who don't deserve it (i.e., the spouse).
If you read the rest of the thread, you'll find that we're not talking about judgment in order to feel holier-than-though, we're talking about removing ourselves from the toxic orbit of a hurtful, empathy-lacking person.
I read the whole thread.
I guess we will have to agree to disagree to generalize all people who have cheated as "hurtful empathy-lacking people".
That's exactly what i was talking about when I mentioned Jesus and the stone.
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