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I said when she heard a sad enough story she was okay with the cheating, and she lost credibility on her stance.
I guess if you keep talking, eventually somebody will burst your bubble too.
I don't think she lost credibility at all. It's not because the story is so sad that she's willing to make an exception. It's because the man's wife is essentially gone already and is incapable of "fixing" the relationship. Now contrast with the person who does have a partner who has all their faculties. That person is contemplating cheating. But he has another option. Instead of cheating, he can just end the relationship. At least that gives his partner a chance to fix whatever's wrong in the relationship. But if his wife has Alzheimer's, he doesn't have that option.
I don't think she lost credibility at all. It's not because the story is so sad that she's willing to make an exception. It's because the man's wife is essentially gone already and is incapable of "fixing" the relationship. Now contrast with the person who does have a partner who has all their faculties. That person is contemplating cheating. But he has another option. Instead of cheating, he can just end the relationship. At least that gives his partner a chance to fix whatever's wrong in the relationship. But if his wife has Alzheimer's, he doesn't have that option.
Exactly. There is no relationship if the other person is organically nonexistent.
And I would still advocate getting the divorce (which can probably be done via power of attorney), and that doesn't mean he can't continue to care for her medically.
If your friend was beating his wife, would you stay friends with him? I'm not equating spousal abuse with infidelity, but they do have one thing in common. Both are acts that knowingly cause pain to another person.
DC, somehow I just knew somebody will throw in some kind of example of this type, but you ARE equating those 2 for sure. If a friend of mine became abusive towards his spouse, I would immediately call in others to help this man, whether it's putting him behind bars (that's right) or getting him psychological help, or calling in the intervention or do anything to help the situation. Even if he or she (because women could be equally abusive) stop being my friend afterwards, I would do my BEST to help. I wouldn't just stop being that person's friend and turn away from this person, because that would mean that I closed my eyes on the entire situation, ignored it and moved on with my life.
However, if this man or woman beyond help, then of course, I would have no choice but to distance myself from him or her...but even then, if this person called for help, I would be there.
Did this answer satisfy you?
I keep bringing Jesus as example, because He was always criticized for hanging out with the lowest of the low, worst sinners. "How could HE be holy and hang out with people of that kind?"...because the lowest of sinners need help the most. Removing these type of people from your life could be convenient and if that makes you sleep better at night, then be it. One thing I noticed is that judging others always makes US FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES. Much easier to say: I won't deal with this cheater, because I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, and this person is toxic and I don't want to surround myself with these people.
Oh, and by the way, for those who say: I don't have friends don't cheat. Don't be so sure. If God Forbid I cheated, I would 100% keep that **** to myself and take it with me to the grave.
Last edited by max's mama; 07-08-2009 at 05:33 PM..
No. I would never drop a friend that cheated on her/his spouse. I also think that cheating is absolutely wrong, but I'm not about to judge anyone's circumstances and choices. That's NOT what friends do!!! Friends need to be there for their friends through thick and thin, through good and back, through ALL their mistakes.
I love what Jesus said: "those of you without a sin can throw the first stone". Am I a freaking saint to turn away from a friend who cheated??? We ALL have dont things we are not proud of. A sin is a sin is a sin. We have lied and betrayed and did all kinds of sins too. Even if we didn't cheat on our spouse, we are not entitled to place judgements on others. PERIOD.
I would never turn away from a friend who cheated, because most likely it's the lowest saddest point of her life. I wouldn't condone it, I wouldn't support it, but I would still be her friend and be there for her, because I would expect the same.
And while some of us are riding on the high horse screaming how cheating is wrong, they would never do it blah blah blah...remember this: you NEVER know what life can throw at you. People are capable of all kinds of mistakes, be careful with your promises, the most righteous get tested the most.
I'm guessing that you've never been cheated on and that your parents didn't cheat on one another either? I say that because this isn't about "high horses" - the pain caused by cheaters is not something to joke about.
People make mistakes - that is a given. We f--k up at work and school, rack up debts, or we make other bad decisions. However, we should never get complacent and almost condone hurting another human being, physically or emotionally (cheating, for example). People make mistakes, but to cheat on someone goes way beyond a "mistake" IMO (you can't say "oops, his **** accidentally found itself in my *****, for example).
I am not on any kind of high horse when I look down on cheating and cheaters. Real life is not a game; it's not Sex And The City.
If I were in an unsuitable relationship, I would 1) try to fix it, but if it truly couldn't be fixed, 2) I would leave. The LAST thing on earth I would do to a partner is cheat on them, even if it wasn't working out.
You wouldn't accept a friend punching someone in the face(unprovoked), so why accept cheating as just a "mistake"? You don't accidentally punch someone in the face, then proceed to accidentally beat them to a pulp while they're down.
I'm guessing that you've never been cheated on and that your parents didn't cheat on one another either? I say that because this isn't about "high horses" - the pain caused by cheaters is not something to joke about.
People make mistakes - that is a given. We f--k up at work and school, rack up debts, or we make other bad decisions. However, we should never get complacent and almost condone hurting another human being, physically or emotionally (cheating, for example). People make mistakes, but to cheat on someone goes way beyond a "mistake" IMO (you can't say "oops, his **** accidentally found itself in my *****, for example).
I am not on any kind of high horse when I look down on cheating and cheaters. Real life is not a game; it's not Sex And The City.
If I were in an unsuitable relationship, I would 1) try to fix it, but if it truly couldn't be fixed, 2) I would leave. The LAST thing on earth I would do to a partner is cheat on them, even if it wasn't working out.
You wouldn't accept a friend punching someone in the face(unprovoked), so why accept cheating as just a "mistake"? You don't accidentally punch someone in the face, then proceed to accidentally beat them to a pulp while they're down.
I've been cheated on. I know the pain. I forgave this person. Him and I are now friends.
If you read my previous posts you would know that I think it's a horrible thing to do to another person, YET, it would not stop me from being that person's friends. The biggest power a person has is in ability to forgive.
I've been cheated on. I know the pain. I forgave this person. Him and I are now friends.
If you read my previous posts you would know that I think it's a horrible thing to do to another person, YET, it would not stop me from being that person's friends. The biggest power a person has is in ability to forgive.
From my perspective, I would rather be beaten to a pulp than cheated on. Physical wounds heal, but mental wounds often don't. I was cheated on, my mother was cheated on and it almost destroyed her. I have no sympathy or compassion for people who willfully engage in such behavior. if I had a friend who did this, I would not forgive. In fact, my own father cheated on his 3rd wife and guess what? I have not spoken to him in almost 3 years.
I don't have to tolerate cheating and I never will tolerate it. That's why I say that if one of my friends cheated, the friendship would be over, unless there was some sort of physical or psychological abuse involved.
p.s. you forgave your friend for cheating, but would you have forgiven him if he'd hit his wife/girlfriend?
I'd never "cover" for them-PERIOD. However, it is not my place to judge them. Of course, I'd offer advice and words of warning, and personal disapproval for their actions. However, I'd also have to know the circumstances surrounding the betrayal/affair to relay the right verbage. I'd never agree it was a good choice, but I would NOT disgard a true friend for a bad choice. Unless it was at a level that I could not deal with like a child abuser, sexual abuser, etc.
I've been cheated on. I know the pain. I forgave this person. Him and I are now friends.
If you read my previous posts you would know that I think it's a horrible thing to do to another person, YET, it would not stop me from being that person's friends. The biggest power a person has is in ability to forgive.
Sounds like someone else is up on a high horse called "I'm such a saint, I forgive EVERYONE - even if I have to sacrifice my own pride and self-esteem!"
From my perspective, I would rather be beaten to a pulp than cheated on. Physical wounds heal, but mental wounds often don't.
People who have endured both physical and emotional abuse report that the emotional abuse is far worse.
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