What Do You Do When Your Friends Cheat? (child, Latin, emotionally)
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I read the whole thread.
I guess we will have to agree to disagree to generalize all people who have cheated as "hurtful empathy-lacking people".
That's exactly what i was talking about when I mentioned Jesus and the stone.
Again, we're not throwing stones. We're not going up to the people who cheated and calling them disgusting, or spitting in their faces, we're simply walking away.
Again, we're not throwing stones. We're not going up to the people who cheated and calling them disgusting, or spitting in their faces, we're simply walking away.
It's the ANALOGY Mearth, that's used for thousands of years. Obviously I'm not talking about literally throwing stones or being violent or insulting.
It's meant to say: those of you without a sin can pass this kind of judgement. That's all I'm saying.
And it's your choice, if you don't want to be friends with a cheating friend, it's your option. Obviously we want to surround ourselves with positive and righteous "non-toxic" people. Who am I to tell you what your choices of friends should be?
I take my friends for what they are, with all their baggage and sin and whatever.
I was talking about MYSELF in my original post.
First off, I respect that you take full responsibility for your infidelity. It seems like a lot of people who cheat can't even do that. Instead, they make excuses and try to justify their actions.
Men too often are loyal to their buddies first. We've all heard the saying bros before hos, a saying which I personally despise. As for your question about cultures where infidelity is common, I'm reluctant to answer only because I don't believe in generalizing about entire cultures. I prefer to look at people as individuals, not penalize them for what I think are common traits of their culture.
If understand you correctly,you're saying you would prefer not to penalize them for what you think are common traits of their culture. This might open up a whole different perspective on the subject. Some or one of these cultures puts family first despite pecadillos.
It's the ANALOGY Mearth, that's used for thousands of years. Obviously I'm not talking about literally throwing stones or being violent or insulting.
It's meant to say: those of you without a sin can pass this kind of judgement. That's all I'm saying.
And it's your choice, if you don't want to be friends with a cheating friend, it's your option. Obviously we want to surround ourselves with positive and righteous "non-toxic" people. Who am I to tell you what your choices of friends should be?
I take my friends for what they are, with all their baggage and sin and whatever.
I was talking about MYSELF in my original post.
Well then I guess you have a different definition of the analogue and the target than I do.
I take my friends for what they are, with all their baggage and sin and whatever.
If your friend was beating his wife, would you stay friends with him? I'm not equating spousal abuse with infidelity, but they do have one thing in common. Both are acts that knowingly cause pain to another person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
If understand you correctly,you're saying you would prefer not to penalize them for what you think are common traits of their culture. This might open up a whole different perspective on the subject. Some or one of these cultures puts family first despite pecadillos.
It's too easy to buy into stereotypes about certain cultures. I may think I know what people of a certain culture are like, but I could have it all wrong. For example, in this country a lot of people have preconceptions about Muslims. Many believe they don't respect women. Even if 99.9% of Muslims treated women that way, what if you met the one Muslim who didn't? Would you refuse to be his friend because of what those 99.9% do? I think it's unfair to judge someone based on what others of his kind have done.
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
First off, I respect that you take full responsibility for your infidelity. It seems like a lot of people who cheat can't even do that. Instead, they make excuses and try to justify their actions.
Second, when I say I would stop being friends with someone if I discovered they were cheating, I don't mean to suggest that's something I would do so casually. If anything, I would do it with great reluctance and probably with a lot of hesitation. Friends should be there for one another in times of need. If a friend of mine made an honest mistake and felt remorseful about it, I wouldn't beat them up over it. But cheating to me isn't just any mistake. No matter how it's justified, is ultimately an act that causes another person pain. That may not be the intent, but it is a consequence, one that I can't see anyone saying was accidental. Yes, it's true that my friend isn't married to me and wasn't cheating on me. But it is a betrayal in the sense that someone who you thought had good character really didn't. Friends vouch for one another. If someone insults my friend, I'm there to defend them. But imagine how it feels to defend someone and tell everyone you think is a person of good character only to be proven wrong by that very person you thought you knew.
Men too often are loyal to their buddies first. We've all heard the saying bros before hos, a saying which I personally despise. As for your question about cultures where infidelity is common, I'm reluctant to answer only because I don't believe in generalizing about entire cultures. I prefer to look at people as individuals, not penalize them for what I think are common traits of their culture. In some cultures, women are treated as second-class citizens. But if I met someone from that culture, I wouldn't automatically assume he's like that. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Is it possible to divorce someone without their consent, if they are deemed mentally incompetent?
Whether it is or not, you may have just found the one exception to my ironclad rule. That's very sad.
So you will make allowances for circumstances you personally feel warrant it, according to what you can see. Most of us here are attesting that since a lot of cases of cheating involve aspects we cannot see, or don't know, it's impossible for us to judge or abandon somebody because we don't know the whole story, no matter how close we are to that person.
You sympathized with this man, who is still married, but it's okay for him to cheat since his wife is a vegetable. With your hard stance, I would expect you to say he pull the plug on his wife and remarry, since his vow was until death.
There goes your theory. Let somebody pull your emotional strings and you condone it.
No. I would never drop a friend that cheated on her/his spouse. I also think that cheating is absolutely wrong, but I'm not about to judge anyone's circumstances and choices. That's NOT what friends do!!! Friends need to be there for their friends through thick and thin, through good and back, through ALL their mistakes.
I love what Jesus said: "those of you without a sin can throw the first stone". Am I a freaking saint to turn away from a friend who cheated??? We ALL have dont things we are not proud of. A sin is a sin is a sin. We have lied and betrayed and did all kinds of sins too. Even if we didn't cheat on our spouse, we are not entitled to place judgements on others. PERIOD.
I would never turn away from a friend who cheated, because most likely it's the lowest saddest point of her life. I wouldn't condone it, I wouldn't support it, but I would still be her friend and be there for her, because I would expect the same.
And while some of us are riding on the high horse screaming how cheating is wrong, they would never do it blah blah blah...remember this: you NEVER know what life can throw at you. People are capable of all kinds of mistakes, be careful with your promises, the most righteous get tested the most.
So you will make allowances for circumstances you personally feel warrant it, according to what you can see. Most of us here are attesting that since a lot of cases of cheating involve aspects we cannot see, or don't know, it's impossible for us to judge or abandon somebody because we don't know the whole story, no matter how close we are to that person.
You sympathized with this man, who is still married, but it's okay for him to cheat since his wife is a vegetable. With your hard stance, I would expect you to say he pull the plug on his wife and remarry, since his vow was until death.
There goes your theory. Let somebody pull your emotional strings and you condone it.
So are you saying that if I don't know the whole story of why a man beat his wife, I can't judge him?
If my friend cheated, there's no way I wouldn't ask why. So your claim that I can't judge based on what I can't see doesn't apply.
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