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Allowing an untrustworthy person to remain in your life and do you and everyone you know even more damage is giving up your self-respect, yes.
Hmmm... pity... a word that means contemptuous sorrow; i.e., judgment.
If you were the saint you claim to be, you would have said "I have empathy for you."
Alright. I'm tired, I stated my opinion and I stated how I feel about the subject.
For the record, I have never claimed to be a saint. Quite the opposite. That's why I would never turn my back on a friend when he or she made a mistake.
Anyway, this conversation is over for me. You won, I lost. Now we can both move on with our lives.
Since I don't feel like scrolling through the dozens of pages in this thread to find your reply to 'DennyCrane', can you not just answer the question, even if it's a one sentence answer?
DC, somehow I just knew somebody will throw in some kind of example of this type, but you ARE equating those 2 for sure. If a friend of mine became abusive towards his spouse, I would immediately call in others to help this man, whether it's putting him behind bars (that's right) or getting him psychological help, or calling in the intervention or do anything to help the situation. Even if he or she (because women could be equally abusive) stop being my friend afterwards, I would do my BEST to help. I wouldn't just stop being that person's friend and turn away from this person, because that would mean that I closed my eyes on the entire situation, ignored it and moved on with my life. However, if this man or woman beyond help, then of course, I would have no choice but to distance myself from him or her...but even then, if this person called for help, I would be there. Did this answer satisfy you?
DC, somehow I just knew somebody will throw in some kind of example of this type, but you ARE equating those 2 for sure. If a friend of mine became abusive towards his spouse, I would immediately call in others to help this man, whether it's putting him behind bars (that's right) or getting him psychological help, or calling in the intervention or do anything to help the situation. Even if he or she (because women could be equally abusive) stop being my friend afterwards, I would do my BEST to help. I wouldn't just stop being that person's friend and turn away from this person, because that would mean that I closed my eyes on the entire situation, ignored it and moved on with my life. However, if this man or woman beyond help, then of course, I would have no choice but to distance myself from him or her...but even then, if this person called for help, I would be there. Did this answer satisfy you?
Yes, it does. I may not agree with your answer, but I catch your drift
DC, somehow I just knew somebody will throw in some kind of example of this type, but you ARE equating those 2 for sure. If a friend of mine became abusive towards his spouse, I would immediately call in others to help this man, whether it's putting him behind bars (that's right) or getting him psychological help, or calling in the intervention or do anything to help the situation. Even if he or she (because women could be equally abusive) stop being my friend afterwards, I would do my BEST to help. I wouldn't just stop being that person's friend and turn away from this person, because that would mean that I closed my eyes on the entire situation, ignored it and moved on with my life.
However, if this man or woman beyond help, then of course, I would have no choice but to distance myself from him or her...but even then, if this person called for help, I would be there.
Did this answer satisfy you?
I keep bringing Jesus as example, because He was always criticized for hanging out with the lowest of the low, worst sinners. "How could HE be holy and hang out with people of that kind?"...because the lowest of sinners need help the most. Removing these type of people from your life could be convenient and if that makes you sleep better at night, then be it. One thing I noticed is that judging others always makes US FEEL BETTER ABOUT OURSELVES. Much easier to say: I won't deal with this cheater, because I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, and this person is toxic and I don't want to surround myself with these people.
Oh, and by the way, for those who say: I don't have friends don't cheat. Don't be so sure. If God Forbid I cheated, I would 100% keep that **** to myself and take it with me to the grave.
First off, exactly how am I equating spousal abuse with infidelity. I merely pointed one thing they have in common. If that meets your definition of equality, then I guess an orange and a carrot are equal to since they're the same color.
In the case of spousal abuse, there's no question we would intervene. But if a friend is cheating on his wife, I'm certainly not going to get in the middle. That marriage is between him and his wife. What this thread is about is whether to continue being friends with a person who was unfaithful, not about whether to intervene.
While I believe in forgiveness, I also believe too many people are too willing to forgive. Maybe they do it to make themselves feel like good people. But there are certain acts that should never be forgiven and not offering forgiveness doesn't make you a lesser person. Nor does purging yourself of toxic people. Maybe this is why I've never bought into any religion. The idea of forgiving sin never made sense to me. Forgive something and you only condone it, which risks encouraging it.
Passing judgment is not about making oneself feel better. I judge the man who murders not because it makes me feel better to judge, but because I find his behavior abhorrent. There are certain acts in our culture that deserve judgment by others and infidelity is one of them, IMO.
As for your last point about not knowing whether my friends cheat, you're right. I don't. But I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character and associate with people who would never do such a thing. I'm sure there's all sorts of things my friends do that I don't know. Maybe one is gay. Maybe another is secretly a Trekkie. Who knows? The point is that when they reveal themselves to be someone who lacks morals, that's when they're not the person I thought they were and therefore don't deserve to be called my friend.
Also, forgiveness and contact are not the same thing.
It is possible to forgive a friend, AND cut off contact with them.
After all, forgiveness is not about the other person - it is about oneself, and choosing to move on.
That's a balance I am trying to learn. Because in my mind, the point of forgiveness is to repair the relationship. But if the other party doesn't think their behavior is wrong, it's impossible to maintain that relationship without continuously getting hurt.
That's a balance I am trying to learn. Because in my mind, the point of forgiveness is to repair the relationship. But if the other party doesn't think their behavior is wrong, it's impossible to maintain that relationship without continuously getting hurt.
Forgiveness isn't always about repairing your relationship. As Mearth pointed out, sometimes it's just about learning to let go of the hurt and anger and move on. I know one person who had a real jerk of a husband. They divorced. But now she looks back without the bitterness because she learned to forgive him for being such a bad husband. But that doesn't mean she wants to get back together again.
The real problem I see with forgiveness (and perhaps this should be reserved for another thread) is that people hand it out pretty easily. I tend to think forgiveness is kinda like trust. It has to be earned. And while I applaud the idea of wanting to repair a broken relationship, sometimes they're broke beyond repair. Many people offer forgiveness as a way to feel good about themselves and because they can't stand conflict. For them, it becomes easier to just sweep things under the rug. Knowing when to forgive and when not to is something I personally struggle with. But one thing I do know is that offering it to someone who hasn't earned it will only cause you to resent them over time. I've forgiven people for treating me badly only to have them turn around and continue doing the same thing. On them, forgiveness feels as though it's wasted.
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