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OK. I have a question, and I am in hopes that there are enough distinct personalities here for me to hear different points of view.
Last Saturday, my 8 year old was being picked on by a 15 year old. The 15 year old kept knocking my son to the ground and punching him. My 8 year old son finally had enough, stood up, and decked the 15 year old in the mouth. The 15 year old got a fat bloody lip. However, this finally pissed the 15 year old off enough to stop holding back on his punches. With all of his strength, he punched my 8 year old a few times.
My 9 year old daughter was there. This happened in my front yard. She jumped on the back of this 15 year old and started hitting him with all of her 50 pound soaking wet might. The 15 year old flipped her off of him. She ran inside to get me outside to stop the fight. I was outside very fast, and the 15 year old took off down the street.
Now, during this entire ordeal, my 14 year old steson stood by and watched. He didn’t step in. He didn’t try to stop anything. He just stood there and watched. Afterwards when I asked why he didn’t defend his brother he said he was afraid he’d get beat up.
Now call me stupid, but isn’t it my stepson’s place to step in and protect my son? My 9 year old daughter tried. I have never been one to sit by idle when someone needed help—especially my own family. I feel that big brother should have stepped in and tried to take care of business. OR at least come inside to let me know what was happening.
Stepson still says he is unsure if he’ll try to help in the future. All of this has been very troubling to me. I have never been one to get walked over. It sounds to me like my stepson doesn’t mind being the punk. Now when I look at him all I see is disgust. I know this is wrong, but I can’t help it.
My questions are…Am I being too harsh with him? Are there people out there who will avoid confrontation even if it means watching a family member be severely hurt? I got onto him and then my wife started yelling at me. To me, this is almost a relationship ender. I am asking here because it now has been four days and it is still pissed off when I think about it. Am I justified in feeling like I do?
Some kids are just wimps. Even adults don't stand up for others. How many videos have you seen on the news of people walking past or driving by those that have been run over, shot, attacked etc.
I think he should have defended the 8 year old. But you can't expect him to do this in the future, because he obviously does not want to. So instead you need to teach him to come tell you when stuff like this happens.
Do you know who the 15 year old is? Did you call the police? 15 is way to old to be beating up an 8 year old.
If you consider this a relationship - marriage - ender, than there is something wrong with you.
I would try to understand each child for who he is as an individual, and not judge him by your own harsh set of standards. Kids have really good reasons for doing whatever it is they do. When we seek to understand our children (rather than calling them names, insulting them, or judging them with our own knee-jerk reactions)
Some people see violence as a show of love, a show of caring, a solution to whatever is going on.
Others see violence as something else altogether and seek to avoid it.
Offhand it sounds like "your" kids are right and good to you, and your stepson is wrong and bad to you. That's a pretty harsh view on your part. As a parent of 3 sons, all with very different personalities and approaches to life, i can see you are in for an unhappy relationship unless you are willing to take the time and effort to try and understand your step-son and understand him and accept him for who he is.
We do our kids a grave disservice when we demand and expect they fulfill what we think they SHOULD be. We give our kids and ourselves a great gift when we seek to know them, understand their views of life, their reasons for doing what they do, and accept them for who they are.
Some kids are just wimps. Even adults don't stand up for others. How many videos have you seen on the news of people walking past or driving by those that have been run over, shot, attacked etc.
I think he should have defended the 8 year old. But you can't expect him to do this in the future, because he obviously does not want to. So instead you need to teach him to come tell you when stuff like this happens.
Do you know who the 15 year old is? Did you call the police? 15 is way to old to be beating up an 8 year old.
If you consider this a relationship - marriage - ender, than there is something wrong with you.
I found out who the parents were, and I asked my wife to handle it. I was too pissed off to go have a civilized conversation with the kid's parents. My wife didn't go to his parents because...she said...the 15 year old would say self defense and not get in trouble.</p>
Oh, and relationship ender...not just off of this one event. That's just how angry I got. So, you're probably right. There is something wrong with me.
OK. I have a question, and I am in hopes that there are enough distinct personalities here for me to hear different points of view.
Last Saturday, my 8 year old was being picked on by a 15 year old. The 15 year old kept knocking my son to the ground and punching him. My 8 year old son finally had enough, stood up, and decked the 15 year old in the mouth. The 15 year old got a fat bloody lip. However, this finally pissed the 15 year old off enough to stop holding back on his punches. With all of his strength, he punched my 8 year old a few times.
My 9 year old daughter was there. This happened in my front yard. She jumped on the back of this 15 year old and started hitting him with all of her 50 pound soaking wet might. The 15 year old flipped her off of him. She ran inside to get me outside to stop the fight. I was outside very fast, and the 15 year old took off down the street.
Now, during this entire ordeal, my 14 year old steson stood by and watched. He didn’t step in. He didn’t try to stop anything. He just stood there and watched. Afterwards when I asked why he didn’t defend his brother he said he was afraid he’d get beat up.
Now call me stupid, but isn’t it my stepson’s place to step in and protect my son? My 9 year old daughter tried. I have never been one to sit by idle when someone needed help—especially my own family. I feel that big brother should have stepped in and tried to take care of business. OR at least come inside to let me know what was happening.
Stepson still says he is unsure if he’ll try to help in the future. All of this has been very troubling to me. I have never been one to get walked over. It sounds to me like my stepson doesn’t mind being the punk. Now when I look at him all I see is disgust. I know this is wrong, but I can’t help it.
My questions are…Am I being too harsh with him? Are there people out there who will avoid confrontation even if it means watching a family member be severely hurt? I got onto him and then my wife started yelling at me. To me, this is almost a relationship ender. I am asking here because it now has been four days and it is still pissed off when I think about it. Am I justified in feeling like I do?
Thanks for the replies!
These kids aren't brothers - they are STEP brothers. It is very possible the kids haven't been related long enough for the older one to feel particularly fond of, close to or interested in your 8 year old.
Your child was attacked and hurt, you are upset - I'd be livid and pressing charges. But your anger at your stepson is sorely misplaced. It was not his "job" to defend your kid. Of course it would have been nice it he had stepped in, but that he didn't is not something you should shame him about. 14 year olds are still big kids in many ways and he was likely frozen with fear himself.
Your youngest son hit the 15 yr old in the stomach that should do the trick. Moreover, your older step son is just scared... just tell him that he should stand up for himself. That you would not get mad if he stands up for himself. Wow and this happened in front of your house.. Wow.. He shoulda grab a bat or something LOL.
I'd have to think I'd be pissed off too, but I think you need to examine your kid's and your relationship with your stepson. Has he been treated the same or is he sometimes on the outside? In other words, has he developed a family bond with the younger kids?
It's been shown that most people will not get involved when they see two strangers fighting in what might be an abusive relationship. Your stepson may in some ways think he's a stranger to his siblings and was reluctant to get involved. It may be something as simple as he's viewed differently because he goes to visit his father or maybe he isn't included immediately with the others.
I think what's in order is to explain to him what his options are if it happens again to his siblings or even complete strangers. If he's reluctant to get involved because he might get hurt, offer him self-defense training to build his confidence (explain when it's appropriate t use it). I think it's far from a relationship ender.
These kids aren't brothers - they are STEP brothers. It is very possible the kids haven't been related long enough for the older one to feel particularly fond of, close to or interested in your 8 year old.
Your child was attacked and hurt, you are upset - I'd be livid and pressing charges. But your anger at your stepson is sorely misplaced. It was not his "job" to defend your kid. Of course it would have been nice it he had stepped in, but that he didn't is not something you should shame him about. 14 year olds are still big kids in many ways and he was likely frozen with fear himself.
I've raised stepson since he was three. He's known my son for as long as he can remember. And I've never been the type to press charges. I've always been the type to settle it in the 'school yard' and press on. Which was a big reason I didn't want to go talk to the kids parents myself.
I've raised stepson since he was three. He's known my son for as long as he can remember. And I've never been the type to press charges. I've always been the type to settle it in the 'school yard' and press on. Which was a big reason I didn't want to go talk to the kids parents myself.
Well back in the civilized world you call the cops. You do not know that 15 year old. He could be developing some sort of mental illness and you want to bring that to your family?
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