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My boyfriend and I were doing perfectly fine. Very happy together and great connection and all the sudden he began acting distant the past week.
Finally got it out of him and he told me he loves me, I am amazing, beautiful, I cook, clean, help out around the house, I'm great in bed, and yada yada (not just all sweet talk, sounded truthful)........ but..... I'm not "the one."
He can't explain it.... I'm just not "the one." He chalks it up mainly to the fact that family is extremely important to him and I am not close to mine. My family is not close with me despite many efforts to change that, and he knows that. But it does not mean I do not value family as much as him. I have always enjoyed being a part of my significant other's family as a replacement for mine.
This cannot be the reason why I am not "the one". It can't! Right? If you love someone and you feel a strong connection with them, there is nothing wrong with their personality, and they are just overall the ideal mate, how can they not be "the one"????? Could family really be THAT important that you are willing to pass on a perfectly good soul mate? Isn't this an issue that can easily be overcome?
What is "the one"????? I'm confused. What defines "the one"? What could I be missing that I'm not "the one"?
If he told me he didn't love me or there were things about me that he didn't like or we didn't have a connection or there was SOMETHING, ANYTHING wrong with me I might understand this a bit more and agree that we weren't meant to be together. But that's not the case. I have tried and tried to talk to him and to convince him that he is 100% mistaken, but he still just has a gut feeling that he is "pretty sure" I'm not "the one". I don't want to let him go because I know he IS "the one".
I know I'm confused. Am I wrong to assume maybe he is confused?
Sounds more like HE's not the one for YOU if he can't accept your family situation. (im sure someone already said that but I'm too lazy to read)
This is sooo difficult to read!!! My problem is that I moved out here a year and a half ago for another boyfriend who I broke up with. I had nothing keeping me in my former city so I had no problem moving out here. I had hoped to find new friends out here but haven't.
All my adult life I have always had a boyfriend there and never made friends. I have only one really good friend who lives far away. I have always depended on a guy to be my friend. I know there are a billion things wrong with being so dependent, but I've never been able to be in a situation where I can independent because of financial reasons and not being able to afford my own place or get one with a roommate (because of my obnoxious dogs).
If he leaves me I hate to cry at the "woe is me" sorrows, but that really is the case. I have no friends to hang out with, no cable or internet at my apartment... I feel like I have nothing without a significant other in my life. I don't want to lose him!
I have always been the one to not give up on things. To always go after what you want. I'm a fighter and I don't play hard to get. Why does it seem like the girls who are not really into the guys and don't work nearly as hard in the relationship, THEY are the ones that get the guy? Even vice versa with guys.
Can I ask how old you are? It seems like so far your only goal and ambition in life to have a boyfriend - and that's very high school honey, and not really a great goal.
This sound very familiar. I moved cross country for my ex-fiance. We lived together, got engaged, planned the wedding, and everything was wonderful and perfect... or so I thought (cue scary music)
A couple weeks before the wedding he told me he didn't want to marry me. He didn't give me any really solid reason, just a bunch of silly excuses, such as me not liking to ride on his motorcycle, or that most of the stuff in our house was mine and he felt like he didn't have an identity there (not my fault if a 35 year old man owns only enough furniture to fill a studio apartment and not a 4 bedroom house). He said that I was beautiful, smart, funny, took great care of him, treated him better than he ever had been, and was a great catch. He then told me a few days later that he loved me but wasn't "in love" with me. Kind of like what your guy is telling you.
He left me stranded in a po-dunk little town in Arizona where I had no friends, a lousy job, and no fun activities to get involved in (not into bingo, trying different fun methods of denture removal, or remembering what I ate for my last meal). It took forever (well OK, two years) to find a job in a city I actually wanted to live in, and then take the steps to move and start a new life for myself. Yes, it was hell for those two years, and while I did find someone else to date, I wasn't his "the one" either and we broke up several months before I moved.
Once I got to Texas, I decided to spend a full year with myself, not look for another boyfriend right away, and find things to do that I enjoy, make new friends and just chill
My new bf came along before the one year mark, but I'm still putting myself first, and if he can fit into my life that's great, but I'm not changing any plans I made before him, for him. Once this year is over, I'll probably devote more time to being a good girlfriend. For now though, it's still all about me, and I'm loving it.
I'm going to tell you that he's NOT "the one". Why? Well, because it takes two people both dedicated to making a relationship work. Right now, there's only one person dedicated, and one person walking away. So why would you want to be with someone who just up and walks away because they have some imaginary voice in their head saying, "She's not the one."?
You have a right to be confused. You're sitting there wondering "what happened".. Thing is, you may never know. Here's another thing: It doesn't matter. One year from now you'll be out with your friends talking about some new guy that you've been seeing, and how you think that He's "the one".
Breakups are hard, especially when there's such deep feeling involved. The only thing you can do now is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to living. It's obvious that he wasn't worthy of you.. now it's time to find someone who is.
I am 25, I have a job, and I have my own apartment. I have been in 2 serious "live in" relationships back to back. Never had a guy break up with me. Haven't actually been "alone" since high school.
The main reason I have always lived with my boyfriends is because I have never been able to afford an apartment of my own. I stuck with my last relationship way longer than I should have because I literally couldn't afford to get my own place and couldn't find a job for a while when I first moved here. It left me in a tough situation. .....
Then, in comes current boyfriend into the picture who makes me realize that whatever it takes, I had to make myself happy, I had to end my other relationship and get my own place.
So I begged my dad for money to get started on an apartment (my family has never really been there for me so it took a lot for me to ask them for money). I was very happy to get my own apartment and finally have the option of breaking up with a guy if I wasn't happy in the relationship.
Living with a guy before marriage complicates things A LOT and makes it hard to get out. But at the same time, it also has taught me to work through things and not give up at every speed bump and I think that is a great quality that many more people should have these days. Perhaps there are so many divorces because everyone wants to take the easy way out! Why not work for that relationship and work to get back what you felt so strongly about in the beginning???? I know we had something "true" when we first were together.
Mostly everyone on here has told me to move on, but I'm just the kind of person who will work hard to keep something together. I follow my heart and I'm a fighter! My bf and I were doing perfectly fine up until 2 weeks ago when he all the sudden became distant. I just needed a better excuse than I'm not "the one". Yes, sometimes there might not be a real reason other than it not being the right time or place, but I am stubborn headed and just wanted him to think this through and make sure he meant what he was saying.
So yesterday after much advice from everyone I was ready to give up when he comes home and tells me that maybe what he does need from me is just some time to think and some space. He told me that he did want to be with me but maybe we should just take it slower and I should spend more time at my own place so that when we are together it is more special.
This conversation makes me realize that Jason was definitely right. I don't think I am doing anything wrong in this relationship except making everything too easy for him. I am not making it a challenge for him. I take care of him in every way I can, I cook, I clean, I'm great in bed, .... but I don't make him chase me or work for it like other girls have probably done with him in the past. It is definitely true that you always want what you can't have!!!!
So my question now is.... how do I do that.... how do I play hard to get without going too overboard and not putting enough effort into the relationship?
Perhaps there are so many divorces because everyone wants to take the easy way out! Why not work for that relationship and work to get back what you felt so strongly about in the beginning???? I know we had something "true" when we first were together.
Mostly everyone on here has told me to move on, but I'm just the kind of person who will work hard to keep something together. I follow my heart and I'm a fighter! I am stubborn headed.
I don't think I am doing anything wrong in this relationship except making everything too easy for him. I am not making it a challenge for him. I take care of him in every way I can, I cook, I clean, I'm great in bed, .... but I don't make him chase me or work for it like other girls have probably done with him in the past. It is definitely true that you always want what you can't have!
So my question now is.... how do I do that.... how do I play hard to get without going too overboard and not putting enough effort into the relationship?
that is really scary unhealthy relationship behavior
it is immature, it is crazy-making, it is exhausting, it is co-dependent, it is insane, it is controlling, and it is manipulative
but you're just going to have to discover that for yourself when you are ready. a person has to hit bottom and WANT to change before they take the steps to make that happen
a healthy relationship is NOT about trying to get back what you had in the beginning. it is not about playing games and playing hard to get, and it is not about getting someone to like you or getting someone to chase you
Read up on co-dependency, when you're ready for healthier ways to do relationship, that is where you find them
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My problem is that I moved out here a year and a half ago for another boyfriend who I broke up with. I had nothing keeping me in my former city so I had no problem moving out here. I had hoped to find new friends out here but haven't.
