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I think a situation where he's been a friend for years, dating back before the marriage is different. If you have a history of being just friends...if you had the chance to be romantically involved before and chose not to...then I think you're probably safe. A new best friend who is male is cause for alarm though. Especially if it bothers her husband. Her marriage should come first even if it is really just friends,
Well actually my wife's best friend is me, but her friend Larry is her best friend she is not married to.
They met at work and became close. They are always talking and emailing. They have incredible chemistry for conversation. I have never seen two people who have so much in common. Larry, her best friend is married also and tells me his wife has many close male friends also. Larry and his wife seem to have a great marriage.
My wife and I have gone out to dinner with Larry and his wife but there is just no chemistry between Larry his wife and I, the chemistry is between my wife and Larry.
Both insist there is no romantic attraction and I have nothing to worry about. I see the joy that hanging out with Larry brings out in my wife and I want her to have her own friends too. So I accept it.
My wife's relationship with Larry is exactly like many woman's close friendship with girl friends. The only difference is Larry- her best friend- is a man.
What do you think?
Would you be so accepting?
Trust but verify. This can all go pear shaped in a split second, such as a night out on the town where drunken lust sets in. Next thing you know you're being told "it just happened" and "we were drunk" and other lame excuses. Trust me, this happens ALL the time with women that have male friends. Maybe your wife is the exception, but I guarantee you if she's attractive and he's got his stuff together that at one point or another one of them tried to put the moves on the other. The may have even hooked up at one point and will take that secret to their graves denying it all the way there.
Anyway, there are red flags, but one on it's own isn't much to worry about. I'd still keep an eye on how much she talks about this guy, but as you described it things seem calm enough. A good rule of thumb though is any time a woman has another man on her brain more than her SO something bad either just happened or is about to.
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