Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you read my original post I state that I am my wife's best friend but her friend Larry is the her best friend she is not married to.
I still do not see the problem. My wife still spends much more time with me than Larry and is much closer to me than Larry. But when they do see each other or talk by phone, about twice a week, they just enjoy each others company immensely. They have great conversational chemistry. They just love talking to each other and laugh and have the greatest time. Why would I want to insist that my wife drop her best friend due to some unfounded fear that Larry wants to have sex with my wife and all the friendship is really about sex?
Many women have best friends who are female that they have a special bond and enjoy each others company so much. Why can't that "best friend" be someone of the opposite sex?
Honey I am glad you feel that way but why did you ask then?
Yup...same here. I've never been able to get along with women either. Actually, I've only been good friends with 3 women in my entire life...and awkwardly they were all gay (so pretty man-ish as attitude and beliefs). So, guess what...most of my friends are guys. I have, however, never become very good friends with either of them because i respect my husband and wouldn't want him to worry about such stuff. He's my best friend.
Keep in mind that even if at a point she may be attracted to him ...she is already attracted to other people she could get who aren't her friends. Now, we have this thing called self control and we know to say stop if at any point it feels like it's turning into something else (or at least I do).
But if this really really bothers you you should at least tell her. If not give up on the guy she could at least attempt to make you feel safer and show you in some way that they are just friends.
I definately believe that men and women can be friends. I am another one that for some reason just doesn't get along as well with women as I do with men. Never have.
Why ask opinions if you're going to defend their relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely
The responses so far are very interesting at best and somewhat depressing. The general feeling is that if one is married up to fifty percent of the population is off limits to us for friendship because they are a different sex.
It seems like everyone is convinced that Larry, my wife's best friend, is really only interested in bedding her down and he is really just looking for the right opportunity. Can't a man and woman just enjoy each other in pleasant conversation or have fun with recreational activities without the fear the other is going to make a sexual move on the other? What a sad state of affairs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely
If you read my original post I state that I am my wife's best friend but her friend Larry is the her best friend she is not married to.
I still do not see the problem. My wife still spends much more time with me than Larry and is much closer to me than Larry. But when they do see each other or talk by phone, about twice a week, they just enjoy each others company immensely. They have great conversational chemistry. They just love talking to each other and laugh and have the greatest time. Why would I want to insist that my wife drop her best friend due to some unfounded fear that Larry wants to have sex with my wife and all the friendship is really about sex?
Many women have best friends who are female that they have a special bond and enjoy each others company so much. Why can't that "best friend" be someone of the opposite sex?
If you read my original post I state that I am my wife's best friend but her friend Larry is the her best friend she is not married to.
I still do not see the problem. My wife still spends much more time with me than Larry and is much closer to me than Larry. But when they do see each other or talk by phone, about twice a week, they just enjoy each others company immensely. They have great conversational chemistry. They just love talking to each other and laugh and have the greatest time. Why would I want to insist that my wife drop her best friend due to some unfounded fear that Larry wants to have sex with my wife and all the friendship is really about sex?
Many women have best friends who are female that they have a special bond and enjoy each others company so much. Why can't that "best friend" be someone of the opposite sex?
Given all that, why did you ask in the first place? If you were truly comfortable with it you would have had no doubts to begin with and the question would never have come up. I agree with whoever suggested marriage counseling.
But wait! There's more! You posted that you and your wife sleep in separate rooms now. "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"
And then there's this "Stranded and Lonely" handle. Why am I detecting a scent of troll?
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 12-10-2009 at 07:01 AM..
Tick, tack, tick, tack, tick, tack. Do you hear it? This is a time bomb ticking. Don't be surprised when you find Larry hanging out in your house with your wife when you're away, then tell us if you'll see any joy on this.
would you be threatened equally if, instead of "larry", she had become best friends with "anna" a 6 foot skinny swede?
or "tracy may" a 5 foot, slightly overweight woman, who has umpteen children, and makes nice cookies ?
no ?
IMHO there is a deeper problem here. perhaps you are subconsciously aware that there is a crack in your relationship, and are beginning to look for reasons ?
you may be looking in the wrong place !
best suggestion i can give to you, if you have concerns about larry, and feel threatened by the friendship, then voice your concerns to her.
don't do it in a pissy, jealous way, and don't make a scene, just sit her down, and BE HONEST !!
she may not realise she is doing anything "wrong", and her friendship is making you unhappy.
if nothing else,then simply step up your efforts to be her best friend., then she won't need larry.
but, what it all boils down to, personally, no, i don't think it's odd that her best friend is a man, i've had several female friends who, at the time, i would've considered best friends.
however, in your current scenario, be cautious to break down walls, rather than building them.
otherwise you may drive her closer to him.
Well actually my wife's best friend is me, but her friend Larry is her best friend she is not married to.
They met at work and became close. They are always talking and emailing. They have incredible chemistry for conversation. I have never seen two people who have so much in common. Larry, her best friend is married also and tells me his wife has many close male friends also. Larry and his wife seem to have a great marriage.
My wife and I have gone out to dinner with Larry and his wife but there is just no chemistry between Larry his wife and I, the chemistry is between my wife and Larry.
Both insist there is no romantic attraction and I have nothing to worry about. I see the joy that hanging out with Larry brings out in my wife and I want her to have her own friends too. So I accept it.
My wife's relationship with Larry is exactly like many woman's close friendship with girl friends. The only difference is Larry- her best friend- is a man.
What do you think?
Would you be so accepting?
Personally, although not insecure, I would never be accepting of this. Men and women are instinctually attracted to one another. If they are friends, then they like each other. Ya, for now it might not a physical deal, but trust me, over time that can change. If it is a mutual friend, that is slightly different. Honestly man, watch the situation very closely. I can all but assure you "something" will eventually happen, if it already hasn't.
All the women on here will scream and yell, about being trusted. BS. If I had a dime for every time I've seen the "old friend" turn into an affair. Women cheat brother and they cheat a lot. More then most trusting guys will ever know! 50% of all women will have an affair within the first ten year of marriage. 15% of children being raised are not the biological child of the man who thinks its his. And your girl has a male best friend? Yikes!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
