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Why is finding someone you have the right chemistry with so difficult? I have a friend who is a single male and has been quite frustrated that he can not meet the right person. He is using the Internet and video dating to meet women. Because he is quite attractive and well off financially he has not had a hard time attracting women. Though most people he meets he just goes out with a few times before determining that the spark is not there.
I wonder if it is the movies that show such deep romance and connections between people? Or is it modern America with so much diversity in backgrounds and personalities? Or is it the dating industry that insists that there is a sole mate for everyone? How can some people date hundreds of people and never find a love connection?
They are trying too hard. I always say stop looking and then it will happen. (But not if you are just pretending to not be looking, can't fool yourself!)
Movies definitely give a false sense of what romance is. Very rarely do people fall madly in love the second they lay eyes on each other. Relationships take work to get past the few things you don't like about each other.
Your friend should decide what kind of girl he would like (artistic, book smart, aerobics, jock etc.) and take a course, class or join a group that has those type people. I liked to party when I was younger so I went to the bar. HAHAHAHA!!! Really, I did meet my husband there and we did party together a lot but also (thankfully) matured together. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time though.
It starts as friendship. If two people aren't friends, they can't be much more :-) Too many folks jump right into a "relationship" without getting to know the person. Sex too early (in my opinion) is the fastest way to end something before it ever gets a chance to start.
As I mentioned in the other thread about online dating, it is an unnatural way to meet people, because your emotional impression of the person is delayed until you actually see and hear them in person. In fact, you could develop a false impression of a person until you meet them in real life, and that could throw you off - that has happened to me a few times. You expect one type of a woman and another shows up on the date - not necessarily her fault, could be you dreamed of what she was like and dreamed wrong.
Why does a handsome, successful man need to use the internet for dating anyway? If he has women drooling over him, he should be able to walk into a Starbucks and ask the cutest baristas out, and soon enough one he finds chemistry with will go out with him. Or if he wants a professional woman, he should be able to meet them at professional social events. Successful/handsome is a deadly combination that can land a man a whole selection of women to choose from.
I'd agree that many men (just an observation) judge "chemistry" too quickly when meeting someone from the internet. I have met a few guys from eharmony. I think what some guys dont understand -- is that we women might be rather reserved at first because we are checking them out, and gradually warming up as we decide if they are safe/weird/dorky/fashionable/etc. We may not demonstrate our charming personalities as much (or our potential for chemistry) at first because we are sizing them up first to see if they are actually someone we want to like us. I mean, we may not let loose a bit til the second or third date. Plus, many of us are taught to be more responsive than assertive. If the guy is not terribly funny or charming himself we wont have much to play off....I think a lot of guys are expecting too much of an instant connection without having to do much work.
The itnernet helps to build a connection, and helps to know if you have a lot of the same values and interest....but the guy still needs to work on the first few dates!
Maybe it's not the dating sites or the hundreds of women Mr. Gorgeous has gone out with. Maybe it's ... (gasp) HIM!!!
One of my oldest and best friends is an on-line dating fiend. When he's "in season" he often has three dates per week. I'd estimate that he's been on somewhere close to two hundred dates in the past three years. After indulging in this routine for the past several years he's no closer to finding Mrs. Right.
Through the good graces of fate I finally had a chance to gain some critical insight as to what the problem is; he gets all weird once he gets close. He wound up dating my cousin casually a few years ago. He started calling her all the time (borderline obsessive) and ignored obvious signs that she wasn't interested in anything serious with him. It got to one point where I was about to intervene on her behalf. She'd said afterward the he was way different up close and personal then from afar.
Based on all available information I think it's safe to conclude that he is the problem.
Well the women he gets must not be too dam good either then if they allow that and if they cant see through him as men are so much easier to figure out. So let him keep doing his thing, a true good woman would see it and not let it happen. Guys exaggerate so much though, he may not have conquested as many women as he wants to make others believe.
Everyone needs to be overly cautious of the internet date sites and people that you meet who get extremely close upon your first encounter with them. Check out the Borderline internet sites and find out about about the red flags associated with a person who suffers from this disorder. There are many other personality disorders that you need to be aware of as well. It is especially important if you are older and meeting people who have been married several times or have never been married. I am not saying that all people who fit this criteria will have something wrong with them, but I rather err on the side of caution then to be taken into a mental and emotional nightmare that will haunt you for years to come, because of not having any prior knowledge about these distinct behaviors. We all have some traits of these behaviors, but not as vast as the people who actually suffer from them.
It does not take long for these red flags behaviors to show up when the individual is truly a victim of these distinct disorders. Many people who suffer from them are very charismatic and will immediately make you feel like a king or queen. Beware!!
Unfortunately in my life I have had to deal with people who have boarderline personality disorder...
When I worked for the insurance company, I could normally sniff them out within 2 minutes...since I had access to their diagnoses, I would play a game with myself, guessing what they were and then going to look.
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Here's an Amen from the cheap seats.
