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I was quite horrified to find that I answered YES to 10 of the questions in that first link. I never thought of my relationship as emotionally abusive, but I am starting to really open my eyes to it now.
Opinions? Is/has anyone else gone through a similar thing?
My boyfriend does the same thing when we fight. He totally shuts me out and I can't deal with it, and if I confront him, e.g. "you make it very hard for me to be honest with you because of how you react, I feel like I have to hold things in", he'll say something like "hold things in? So you have been lying to me??" and somehow I end up the bad guy. Grrr!
My boyfriend does the same thing when we fight. He totally shuts me out and I can't deal with it, and if I confront him, e.g. "you make it very hard for me to be honest with you because of how you react, I feel like I have to hold things in", he'll say something like "hold things in? So you have been lying to me??" and somehow I end up the bad guy. Grrr!
Well if this guy isn't willing to communicate when he's mad, then it may be time for you to consider alternative options.
You don't constantly nag him for no apparent reason, do ya?
My boyfriend does the same thing when we fight. He totally shuts me out and I can't deal with it, and if I confront him, e.g. "you make it very hard for me to be honest with you because of how you react, I feel like I have to hold things in", he'll say something like "hold things in? So you have been lying to me??" and somehow I end up the bad guy. Grrr!
I have been on both sides of this one. typically it's probably the most common domestic situation. First and foremost remember what it's better than, such as violence, or straight out verbal abuse, and count your blessings. Second, I must say holding things in can lead to issues down the road and you can always find a third party to talk to, even on a regular basis, if it makes you feel better. Third, do you over react? or is this guy just not choosing the right words or time to communicate? those are my preliminary thoughts and postulative suggestions. I have to add that when people communicate on paper it allows people to experience their emotions while streamlining and filtering the actual "rough" stuff out, at least a little. Sometimes I'm silent because I can't think of the right thing to say, or I can't think at all. Other times it's because the other person is cornering the conversation not allowing my words to be absorbed or even rationally listened to, this makes it difficult and usually happens when one person speaks from the heart and the other the mind, alas but this is the beautiful balance we bring to the table as individuals to maintain a healthy, happy life, of course it doesn't always wind up that way. Try to avoid the emotional influx when talking to a guy, the whole feelings thing isn't a logical tangible thing for us to understand. OR try to sway his "thinking" to an emotional level by using logic - good luck with that one though, I hope my input helps, If not maybe we need more details to pick apart?
You don't constantly nag him for no apparent reason, do ya?
No I don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
You're still hanging out with the old boy
Yes I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by socialguide
I have been on both sides of this one. typically it's probably the most common domestic situation. First and foremost remember what it's better than, such as violence, or straight out verbal abuse, and count your blessings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by socialguide
Third, do you over react?
Honestly, sometimes I wish he would just scream at me so then I at least know he is acknowledging that I exist!!!
I don't think I over react. If he has done something that has upset me that he thinks isn't a big deal, I think it is a big deal to me.
The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic. It has been used on me to try to make me do what they wish. I have been made to beleive that he is right and my reaction to him was wrong. Therefore I was the one that needed to improve. But its bulls*it. The guy is holding all his cards close to him to use against you no matter what. Your feelings, are of no importance to him. Only his feelings matter to him.
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aww shucks
