How to handle the "dinner check" situation (ladies, feelings, free)
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OK...why what? What is exactly "your" direct question?
Why should the guy pay? eta: to be clear, in the intial dating stage. Why should he pay within the context of women seeking equality in other areas of life?
You are a traditional woman that required financial provisions, which is fine. It makes sense to me that you adhere to roles.
I'm quite traditional in that sense. It's actually a very old fashioned principle that the man should provide for his wife and family. It's nothing I'm "humiliated" by as you rather snarkily indicated in one of your earlier posts. Quite the contrary! I'm proud of the life I've led and the fact that my marriage is one that has endured time...both the good times and bad. Not to many people these days reach the 33 year mark with the same partner. I'm quite proud of that achievement!
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Women are now at cross roads when it comes to these roles because many of us aren't looking for the financial provider, so these dating questions come up.
What exactly are women nowadays looking for? Do you know? I don't really think there are any pat answers to the question.
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It never dawned on me when I was dating, but I was hippy back in the day, so no matter. Still interesting, tho.
Yes...quite interesting! I was a bit of a hippy myself...and yet our outlooks are obviously so very different. Interesting indeed!
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Will you share what the application is in the day-to-day?
I'd be interested to know what your relationship application with your partner consists of on a day to day basis.
I think I've pretty well outlined my life in a prior post.
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I'm a frugal/conservative woman and tend to consider how I'm affecting those around me. I would pause if a guy was dropping $150 for a date. Frankly, I wouldn't be comfortable with that unless he was my partner.
I'm actually quite practical myself! However, as you've pointed out...practicality is rather subjective based on what one is used too.
I don't know where the idea of 150 bucks for dinner came into play within this conversation though...perhaps you missed an earlier post where I agreed that Applebee's would be just fine for a first date?
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Regarding the cheap stuff, which has merit imo, that's not the issue. I don't understand why anyone would allow someone they don't know well to spend that kind of cash during the initial stage. In this economy (especially) it just seems irresponsible. OTOH, I may be in a lower income bracket where I tend to be more mindful.
Everything is relative...for some...150 bucks is a drop in the bucket, for others it's a fortune! It's all relative!
I thought I made my point early on in this thread about how I felt about the guy paying...
Yea, you did. I believe you noted dutch or half or something. The discussion I've been participating in, as I'm understanding it, is with the two women that believe the guy should be paying during the intitial stage and why, which hasn't been addressed outside claims of paying for their company.
Yea, you did. I believe you noted dutch or half or something. The discussion I've been participating in, as I'm understanding it, is with the two women that believe the guy should be paying during the intitial stage and why, which hasn't been addressed outside claims of paying for their company.
Dutch...or half something huh? Well....I appreciate you reading it with your full heart wide open!
I am not participating in a two women discussion here, only what the OP has addressed. You are obviously into this discussion alot deeper than I am dear.
Guys First Date Behavior Decoded: How to Spot a Gentleman (http://dating-advice.suite101.com/article.cfm/guys_first_date_behavior_decoded - broken link)
Btw, chivalry doesn't appear to be dead in England, either, just because Dorrans tries to convince us so.
I'm quite traditional in that sense. It's actually a very old fashioned principle that the man should provide for his wife and family. It's nothing I'm "humiliated" by as you rather snarkily indicated in one of your earlier posts.
What? When did I mention you being humiliated?
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Quite the contrary! I'm proud of the life I've led and the fact that my marriage is one that has endured time...both the good times and bad. Not to many people these days reach the 33 year mark with the same partner. I'm quite proud of that achievement!
I'm not sure why you are talking about marriage when it has been repeatedly stated that marriage, family decisions and finances, aren't the topic.
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What exactly are women nowadays looking for? Do you know? I don't really think there are any pat answers to the question.
I don't think so either. Frankly, I tend to shy a way from generalizing entire genders, but the reality is that gender roles are changing. This may not apply to traditional women, but it does for non-trad women. I don't know why a woman with the same education as her date, with expectations of equality professionally, politically, physically, etc, should expect a man to hold to a few convenient gender roles. I can't think of one good reason outside of role play. I find role play to be fun, but then in the grand scheme I can't help but wonder what it means and what, if any, consequences result.
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Yes...quite interesting! I was a bit of a hippy myself...and yet our outlooks are obviously so very different. Interesting indeed!
LOL well, hippies don't usually have expensive dates. I go on more dates now that I'm married then I ever did when I was a kid. I recognize that it's probably a different ball of wax for older women in the dating scene. OTOH, I'm an earner, so that might be playing a role. Finances are on my brain. I naturally put myself in the guy's place and ask myself how I would like it.
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I'd be interested to know what your relationship application with your partner consists of on a day to day basis.
I think I've pretty well outlined my life in a prior post.
You stated that I was misdirected, so I was asking how you feel that's playing out in my day-to-day. I really don't know what you mean by it.
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I'm actually quite practical myself! However, as you've pointed out...practicality is rather subjective based on what one is used too.
I don't know where the idea of 150 bucks for dinner came into play within this conversation though...perhaps you missed an earlier post where I agreed that Applebee's would be just fine for a first date?
I did miss where you said that would be fine. I got the $150 idea from the dinner I had last weekend. I didn't figure a date happening at applebees or similar. I'm not sure what to think of that, but it's not what I had in mind for a date.
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Everything is relative...for some...150 bucks is a drop in the bucket, for others it's a fortune! It's all relative!
Yea, that's true. And maybe you guys are just thinking of one dinner a month or something.
Guys First Date Behavior Decoded: How to Spot a Gentleman (http://dating-advice.suite101.com/article.cfm/guys_first_date_behavior_decoded - broken link)
Btw, chivalry doesn't appear to be dead in England, either, just because Dorrans tries to convince us so.
I'm not sure why you are talking about marriage when it has been repeatedly stated that marriage, family decisions and finances, aren't the topic.
I don't think so either. Frankly, I tend to shy a way from generalizing entire genders, but the reality is that gender roles are changing. This may not apply to traditional women, but it does for non-trad women. I don't know why a woman with the same education as her date, with expectations of equality professionally, politically, physically, etc, should expect a man to hold to a few convenient gender roles. I can't think of one good reason outside of role play. I find role play to be fun, but then in the grand scheme I can't help but wonder what it means and what, if any, consequences result.
LOL well, hippies don't usually have expensive dates. I go on more dates now that I'm married then I ever did when I was a kid. I recognize that it's probably a different ball of wax for older women in the dating scene. OTOH, I'm an earner, so that might be playing a role. Finances are on my brain. I naturally put myself in the guy's place and ask myself how I would like it.
You stated that I was misdirected, so I was asking how you feel that's playing out in my day-to-day. I really don't know what you mean by it.
I did miss where you said that would be fine. I got the $150 idea from the dinner I had last weekend. I didn't figure a date happening at applebees or similar. I'm not sure what to think of that, but it's not what I had in mind for a date.
Yea, that's true. And maybe you guys are just thinking of one dinner a month or something.
Obviously!!!!
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Well....I appreciate you reading it with your full heart wide open! 
