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He's married. No adjectives to go with it, it simply is (and no, it didn't turn that way overnight any more than the rest of my general attitude).
For the ladies who think one way or the other of me:
You've seen and read things I've written elsewhere about my opinions and thoughts on various topics. Those topics almost invariably involve the interactions of men and women or my observations and opinions of women as they've evolved over time and through a fairly broad array of experiences. That's because this is a relationships forum and the kind of topic that comes up.
If I can see the kinds of things I listed in this positive thread, then my eyes must be open enough to see them. There's not a single woman present who would deny those positive attributes I listed, and most of you can easily place yourselves into those miniature scenarios, even if not necessarily with me.
But if my eyes are open enough to see those things, then are the negatives I also see so easily dismissed? I don't dwell and ruminate on these things anymore and I speak in general terms, not in absolutes. I used to do that, did it for years and finally decided it was a waste of time. The simplest path for me proved to be to take people individually as I encounter them and then judge from there.
People have wrongfully given a negative connotation to the word "judge", as though it's automatically erroneous because of our politically correct society. My question is how some of you can possibly function without using judgment since some of you insist you never judge others? You determine whether or not you're capable of something, you determine whether or not you wish to associate with a certain group or individual, you determine whether someone is lying or telling the truth -- and you use judgment. You judge.
And you judge other people, whether you wish to admit it or not.
It's been my experience that the quickest women to admonish me for my lack of faith (not saying anyone here, but this has gone on for a long time now) in women, who tell me not to judge ALL women by the actions of others, are also among the first to make statements like "For a long time Men have..." and "Everybody knows that Men..."
For the record I do NOT believe women are inherently this way; I believe they've been taught to be this way, reared in a time of the so-called Gender Wars and fed the propaganda yet also taught to believe that they are automatically above any touch of that propaganda by virtue of simply being a woman. I believe some really are and I believe most only think they are.
There was a thread some time back about opinions and views of other people changing. I posted two small anecdotal accounts therein, the first being how a girl I'd found ugly back in school had become beautiful in my eyes as I'd gotten to know her for who she really was. It began with an ugly girl and ended with me having a major crush on her.
I received several kudos for that and in the thread a few people remarked that it was a wonderful thing to experience something like that.
In short, it was NICE and it was PRETTY and everyone could get behind it.
Then I posted how my wife had gone from being beautiful in my eyes to being unattractive as I'd come to know her for the person she's proved to be. I even said it didn't happen overnight, but occurred over years through lies and betrayal, terrible secrets coming forth and her detrimental actions toward our child. It began with a woman I once found beautiful and ended with me removing a tag in Facebook because I didn't want old friends associating me with her any more than necessary.
No kudos but definitely a few disparaging remarks, the most telling quoting me and stating "I've just learned the meaning of vitriol." A couple of others telling me what a foul person I must be.
Tell me ladies, what validates one of those stories and IN-validates the other? What makes one observation acceptable and the other merely a terrible reflection of my allegedly bitter nature, of no value OTHER than identifying me as a negative person?
THAT is why I've lost faith in women as a general whole: Inconsistency of the pick-and-choose variety. Because they want to play the reindeer games but vehemently decry the bruises which sometimes accompany that game play. In the world of modern women most coins only have one side and I've found those don't spend very well.
And I believe many of you who read these words are thinking "Not me!" and that is ALL the consideration you'll ever give them.
That's all I have to say about that. I do believe it's time for another breather on my part.
Wow. It wasn't my intention for such a small sentiment for Urban to turn into WWIII here. I have ready many of his posts and understand him to be married. But whatever state his marriage is in is his business alone as with any others here.
He may have lost faith in women but believe me, he doesn't come of nowhere NEAR jaded as some of the men on here do.
I hope he does get the opportunity to seek out someone one day who can restore his faith. By that I don't mean dedicating her life to nursing bitter wounds. He doesn't strike me as the type to automatically dismiss a woman or treat her according to his past misgivings with women. I'd imagine he's not a fool.
I'm sorry this has caused Urban to take a break because my post was taken out of context. Not sure why but nevertheless, it has caused someone unecessary grief for stating their opinion which is sad.
For the record I do NOT believe women are inherently this way; I believe they've been taught to be this way, reared in a time of the so-called Gender Wars and fed the propaganda yet also taught to believe that they are automatically above any touch of that propaganda by virtue of simply being a woman. I believe some really are and I believe most only think they are.
That's all I have to say about that. I do believe it's time for another breather on my part.
Urban,
You must conclude as I have that anytime you say anything negative about any particular woman, some women, all women, or a certain female trait, you will be attacked or your words twisted against you on this forum.
But I hope that does not discourage you from posting your honest opinion again. The tyranny of shame and guilt should never triumph freedom of opinion.
He's married. No adjectives to go with it, it simply is (and no, it didn't turn that way overnight any more than the rest of my general attitude).
For the ladies who think one way or the other of me:
You've seen and read things I've written elsewhere about my opinions and thoughts on various topics. Those topics almost invariably involve the interactions of men and women or my observations and opinions of women as they've evolved over time and through a fairly broad array of experiences. That's because this is a relationships forum and the kind of topic that comes up.
If I can see the kinds of things I listed in this positive thread, then my eyes must be open enough to see them. There's not a single woman present who would deny those positive attributes I listed, and most of you can easily place yourselves into those miniature scenarios, even if not necessarily with me.
But if my eyes are open enough to see those things, then are the negatives I also see so easily dismissed? I don't dwell and ruminate on these things anymore and I speak in general terms, not in absolutes. I used to do that, did it for years and finally decided it was a waste of time. The simplest path for me proved to be to take people individually as I encounter them and then judge from there.
People have wrongfully given a negative connotation to the word "judge", as though it's automatically erroneous because of our politically correct society. My question is how some of you can possibly function without using judgment since some of you insist you never judge others? You determine whether or not you're capable of something, you determine whether or not you wish to associate with a certain group or individual, you determine whether someone is lying or telling the truth -- and you use judgment. You judge.
And you judge other people, whether you wish to admit it or not.
It's been my experience that the quickest women to admonish me for my lack of faith (not saying anyone here, but this has gone on for a long time now) in women, who tell me not to judge ALL women by the actions of others, are also among the first to make statements like "For a long time Men have..." and "Everybody knows that Men..."
For the record I do NOT believe women are inherently this way; I believe they've been taught to be this way, reared in a time of the so-called Gender Wars and fed the propaganda yet also taught to believe that they are automatically above any touch of that propaganda by virtue of simply being a woman. I believe some really are and I believe most only think they are.
There was a thread some time back about opinions and views of other people changing. I posted two small anecdotal accounts therein, the first being how a girl I'd found ugly back in school had become beautiful in my eyes as I'd gotten to know her for who she really was. It began with an ugly girl and ended with me having a major crush on her.
I received several kudos for that and in the thread a few people remarked that it was a wonderful thing to experience something like that.
In short, it was NICE and it was PRETTY and everyone could get behind it.
Then I posted how my wife had gone from being beautiful in my eyes to being unattractive as I'd come to know her for the person she's proved to be. I even said it didn't happen overnight, but occurred over years through lies and betrayal, terrible secrets coming forth and her detrimental actions toward our child. It began with a woman I once found beautiful and ended with me removing a tag in Facebook because I didn't want old friends associating me with her any more than necessary.
No kudos but definitely a few disparaging remarks, the most telling quoting me and stating "I've just learned the meaning of vitriol." A couple of others telling me what a foul person I must be.
Tell me ladies, what validates one of those stories and IN-validates the other? What makes one observation acceptable and the other merely a terrible reflection of my allegedly bitter nature, of no value OTHER than identifying me as a negative person?
THAT is why I've lost faith in women as a general whole: Inconsistency of the pick-and-choose variety. Because they want to play the reindeer games but vehemently decry the bruises which sometimes accompany that game play. In the world of modern women most coins only have one side and I've found those don't spend very well.
And I believe many of you who read these words are thinking "Not me!" and that is ALL the consideration you'll ever give them.
That's all I have to say about that. I do believe it's time for another breather on my part.
I read the whole thing,and I understand some of what you are talking about. And as human beings we will always judge. It's part of animal side of us. Believe it or not it is the survival of the fitness in the end. Meaning smarts, street smart,cunning,sneaky, strong mind and soul. Best heart.
Animals don't look for a mate that is sickly and not going to produce good young. Humans need to learn that every race, size, personality, different levels of education can give good attributes to further us to help others in this world and ourselves.
Although I commend Urban's apparent effort at being moderate, there are several things that I must -- in good faith -- take issue with.
First of all, the issue of "vitriol" and "attacking". I am very careful not to attack anyone personally (though admittedly, I sometimes fail) and I NEVER attack or express vitriol at either gender as a whole. I've noticed, however, that as far as Urban is concerned, any challenge to his assessment of the female sex that's not at least sweetened with some pandering, is deemed to be an "attack", "vitriolic" and degrading. That, actually, betrays a certain level of entitlement ("if you are a good woman, you'll agree with me about all these bad things that women do") -- the very quality which, I am sure, irritates him when displayed by women.
Second, the idea of losing faith in half of humanity is also indicative of entitlement issues. I'm sorry, I'm trying to be romantic about it, and I just can't. What does it mean to have faith in men or in women? Any random man I meet may alternatively be an idiot or a genius (and anything in between), a competent specialist or totally useless, a good husband and father, or a rake, or a jerk. Any way you interpret that phrase, to have or not to have faith in the representatives of a sex refers to preconceived notions and biases. Putting members of the opposite sex on a pedestal or throwing them in the gutter -- it's really two sides of the same coin. Once you begin to see them as human beings with all the good and bad that that implies, "faith" becomes a non-issue. (In fact, I strongly suspect that the phrase "I don't have faith in women/men" is simply meaningless; it's just one of those gratuitous things that people say in order to generate an emotional response.)
Third, if a woman generalizes about men, that doesn't mean she necessarily fits some ridiculous stereotype about women that she is disputing. A look around this forum is sufficient to notice that despite a wide range of opinion, women are frequently described in a two-dimensional, caricaturish fashion; men -- very rarely. Women are also raised to feel much greater responsibility to clear themselves of the taint of other women's wrongdoing -- and that's also because we are so often perceived as cookie-cutter cartoon characters, whereas men are, by default, individuals.
Fourth, on the issue of inconsistency, I don't see how this vice can possibly be pinned on women alone. Again, this forum is a prime example. A good number of men here (yes, I'm generalizing) are spectacularly inconsistent and tend to contradict themselves in the most obvious ways whenever they talk about what they like, what they don't like, and how women should be. They criticize women for supposedly not contributing economically to marriages, yet also slam women for wanting to have careers outside the home. They criticize women for not being direct in expressing a lack of interest, and simultaneously complain about being put down by women who do act directly. They claim to be the rational sex and that women are emotional -- in posts that are obviously brimming with rage. Rage, last I checked, was an emotion -- and one far more destructive than the stereotypical female malaise.
In short, to the extent that my fairly moderate comment apparently led to a temporary "net suicide", I find it very difficult to take any of your complaints seriously.
He does deserve a good one. Go for him dear I saw his pick, cute and nerdy go fig.
I'd even put up with that cigar for all those wonderful things he said!
I find it ASTOUNDING that he can't find a wonderful woman.....
Just print up flyers with all that you said in your post...the line will be around the block...without a doubt.
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I have ready many of his posts and understand him to be married. But whatever state his marriage is in is his business alone as with any others here. 
Humans need to learn that every race, size, personality, different levels of education can give good attributes to further us to help others in this world and ourselves.
