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At least you live in another state.
Your husband needs to talk to his mother and tell her to keep her opinions to herself that they are not appreciated. If she still insists on being obnoxious, refuse to go visit. Go somewhere else for family vacations. Your husband should understand this and support your feelings.
If I was in your situation, I would politely tell them that if they are truly concerned about you, then pray for you, however, please stop the preaching because it isn't helping anything at this point in your life. Just tell them that what they're hoping and expecting of you isn't in the making at this point and time. They can't knock or thump it into you. Just tell them to keep you in their prayers, but otherwise please back off a bit. I really feel this will enable them to leave you alone, but at the same time they will see your sincerity and respect.
Alright, well sometimes we men are dense so maybe explain to your husband that it's bothering you and that you want them to stop. He should take it from there.
I felt the same way when it came to others witnessing to me, it made me feel like if I didn't believe like they did I was less than them and being the sensitive sort I took it personally and really did feel like I was less, but still I couldn't believe just because they wanted me to.
I too have always had a difficult time receiving emotional support and validation. I felt very alone in this sense. What brought me to God was simply a realization that if God created me then He would know what would make me happy, and since I was very unhappy and had tried everything but God, I decided to open my heart and give Him a chance. The more I learned the more love I developed for God and that's when everything changed. God now gives me the emotional support I needed all my life. Perhaps if you just opened your heart to HIM (not your folks) He would answer you. I have never felt alone since I accepted God and Christ. I'm not witnessing at you, just giving you a possibility to check out.
nicolepsy my hubbys family is the same way. I'd have to say at about the 13 yr mark finally told them enough. They are BIG on the GUILT trip stuff. They try to make us feel like we are not worth a cent. The guilt does not work on me though much to their surprise. When my youngest was 7 everyone at every family event in my hubbys family told him they could not wait for him to be baptized when he turned 8 and to make sure he told me/us that he wanted to be baptized. I finally told them it was not happening and to stop it. My son was like mommy why can't I be baptized not really knowing even what they meant.
You need to draw the boundaries lines and stick to them. They do not respect your decisions and should. You don't have to be unkind just make it clear of what the boundaries are for whatever and you will be much happier. I am much happier.
I sympathize, I really do, but......it could be said that you've spent 13 years teaching them it's okay to treat you this way. Please understand that I realize that's not your intention. It's just that with people who would do this, that may be how they see it. I think you have a choice- either spend the next 13 years the same way, or stand up for yourself! If your husband won't do it, (and if that's okay with you), then you do it. You can set boudaries without being confrontational. After all these years of you being sweet and passive, I'm betting they'll be so shocked they WILL listen! LOL!
I just finished watching that show tonight.
I think I'll try that on some people. (No, just kidding)
Oh, I'll try it on my S/O. He should laugh at that one.
This type of behaviour is called "..having Zeal~ not according to Knowledge" in the Church. And it is frowned upon, definitely not recommended....
They are probably very well-meaning individuals, but just can't see that they are answering questions you have not asked! Lord Have Mercy!! This drives me nuts, too, but quess what: I'm quite certain I used to do the same thing to my friends and family. In fact, when I was finding the Church, I felt it necessary to confess that type of behaviour as unkind and unloving, but it took a long process to begin to understand the mindset concerning these things (phrenoma in Greek..)of the Church. But that's another topic, for another day.
Why not treat the situation as would Miss Manners? (perhaps...I can't really speak for her of course...) But something like, the very first sentence of someone's diatribe, just very warmly interrupt saying, "O thank you for your opinion, you've said that before..." and then change the subject or just say "Excuse me," and leave the vicinity. You get the idea....
I mention this tactic because after all what is happening here, though it is well-intentioned, is Bad Manners...
You said, "...i cant very well lose my temper but i fear this will never stop." Well I think you certainly may, in a good mannered way, lose your temper, as I mentioned above. Just MHO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolepsy
advise please: my husband's family are evangelical christians. it seems that their whole lives are centered around god and the bible. they appear normal on the outside but are really heavy duty with the church and god thing. that of course is their right but they cant seem to stop trying to convert me. it seems they think i am a heathen even though i am a really good person and am actually pretty "spiritual" in a sense. they have gone so far as to send me a letter full of gobbledy **** nonsense about how i need to know the truth and find jesus blah blah blah. i was a bit hurt that they cant seem to accept me as i am. they have made me feel like i am not good enough to be a part of their family. truth be told i may just be a better human being than some of them even though i dont attend a church or subscribe to their beliefs. part of me just wants to stay as far away as possible from them (pretty easy since i live in another state but also not easy when it comes to family vacations together and phone calls). how do i deal with this situation?
i cant very well lose my temper but i fear this will never stop. why cant they understand that there are tons of really great people out there that dont believe what they believe in? what to do?
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I really feel this will enable them to leave you alone, but at the same time they will see your sincerity and respect.
Hi Nicole
This drives me nuts, too, but quess what: I'm quite certain I used to do the same thing to my friends and family. In fact, when I was finding the Church, I felt it necessary to confess that type of behaviour as unkind and unloving, but it took a long process to begin to understand the mindset concerning these things (phrenoma in Greek..)of the Church. But that's another topic, for another day.
