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I must say that I am disappointed that some of you are saying that you will break up or divorce with your partner if they believed in God and had faith, or that you will never allow religion in your house, etc. which seems very scary. I hope this is not true. Why would you leave your loved person for religious belief?
No what's scary is having religion in your house. Guys nailed to crosses? Nothing about that image strikes you as scary? And to have that around in front of kids? What about the threat of hell and damnation? No thanks - I'll stick to a normal life sans all that stuff.
I'm actually beginning to believe that you have never talked to an atheist before.
The point is my husband has been atheist all his life. (Any religion I was brought up around was wishy-washy at best although I wasn't properly atheist until more recently.) The chances of my husband suddenly starting to believe in god are pretty much zero. He has absolutely no interest or thought process about a god figure whatsoever. It's not something that enters his head at all. So if he suddenly started talking about god I'd be worried because it would be so out of character it would be like he was a different person entirely. (Honestly though, that's never going to happen.)
But that's what people are trying to explain to you.
I can't fathom ever getting married in the first place to someone who was seriously religious. By that I mean going to church/temple/etc. on a regular basis, praying all the time, talking about god. Now someone who maybe went to church once a year and never really talked about it. That would probably be fine. I have zero desire to talk or think about religion. So if my wife suddenly became "religious" it probably wouldn't end well.
As for my kids that is up to them. I don't really care one way or the other to be honest. Although I can't imagine going to worship with them. But we have plenty of religious friends that could fill in for that if they really wanted to experience it.
Yes, religious belief is private, but having that belief tells you quite a bit about that person. It tells you their thinking ability, their empathy and compassion for others. It's a test of moral and intellectual value. I chose a person to marry and father my children who passed that test. It they suddenly stopped passing then I would not want to share my life with them.
Why can't you accept if he personally believed in God? Isn't religion something private?
You *do* know, don't you, that when you marry someone you live a private life WITH them so it is then not private FOR YOU.
If I were young and single knowing what I know now I wouldn't date a believer either. That's starting out with one hand tied behind your back when the whole objective of an intimate relationship is to have enough in common to build a life together. I would be unlikely to divorce purely over a subsequent change of heart on their part unless they were abusing and disrespecting me over their belief. But I wouldn't front-load a relationship with such a major area of disagreement when I could have my pick of more like-minded people.
I personally had the opposite experience, I was a theist who married a theist and I later deconverted. My wife remained a believer but was one of those rare people who are smart, self-possessed and self-aware enough to not be disturbed by it. Her faith was HER faith, I did not impose my view on her nor she on me. By the time I left the faith we had a lot more in common than just our faith anyway. It worked out okay for us. But I have talked to plenty of other agnostics / atheists where their loss of faith destroyed their marriage because the partner couldn't handle it (or in one case, the church couldn't handle it and poisoned the heart and mind of the spouse and encouraged her to divorce).
No what's scary is having religion in your house. Guys nailed to crosses? Nothing about that image strikes you as scary? And to have that around in front of kids? What about the threat of hell and damnation? No thanks - I'll stick to a normal life sans all that stuff.
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You could always balance it out with pictures of other capital punishment devices. Put up a nice color print of a guillotine with some bright red blood and a bucket strategically placed. Maybe you could have a small model of an electric chair painted in a patriotic red, white, and blue. You could hang a nice landscape showing a firing squad on an open wall in the dining room, and what would be more soothing for a child's room than a framed print showing a gurney with leather straps and three vials and needles? Just think of the images you could use of Biblical stonings. Hmmmm.
Question for the OP. If your spouse decided to convert to another religion and put up religious items around the house would you be OK with that?
I come from a culture where that has never existed or occurred. Even though I am Christian, I still have some Hindu symbols and Islamic evil eye at my house.
I was a very conservative theist when I married my like-minded wife. Now, I'm very liberal, and agnostic, leaning toward atheistic. I find my former beliefs to now be the pinnacle of foolishness. My wife is still as she always was, though. It has caused a considerable amount of friction for us.
I come from a culture where that has never existed or occurred. Even though I am Christian, I still have some Hindu symbols and Islamic evil eye at my house.
Wait, what? You come from a culture where no one has ever left your faith? That seems... unlikely... at best. You must live a very sheltered life.
Regardless, you can use your imagination. How would you respond if your girlfriend suddenly told you she had become a Muslim, or better yet a Luciferian? Do you think your relationship would survive the two of you praying to opposite deities? Or would you take the Biblical command not to be unequally yoked seriously and break it off?
When you are already in a committed relationship, it is more complex. When your spouse suddenly changes their beliefs, and by extension their behavior, it can place a huge strain on the relationship. If both parties can agree to disagree, then maybe it can work, but it you are absolutely convinced of the rightness of your belief, and the utter wrongness of your spouse's (maybe even going so far as to believe he or she is demonically oppressed or possessed), how could you maintain the same kind of relationship that you have when you share beliefs and worldviews? It doesn't have to end in divorce or fighting, but it does place a considerable amount of stress on the relationship, and on a person's religious beliefs. It can be a very uncomfortable place to be, depending on how strongly those involved are invested in their beliefs.
It also isn't just about spouses. I know a woman who was essentially cut off from contact with her nieces when she married an atheist (and subsequently left the church herself). Their family decided that unbelievers had no place in their family, regardless of how respectfully she and her husband conducted themselves. I am not terribly open with my own family about my lack of belief, because I know that their faith is sufficiently rigid that it would cause them a lot of distress if I were to openly state I was an atheist. As it is they don't ask, so I don't bring it up, and it lets them cope. Better to just avoid the topic than cause a rift in the family. However this only goes so far. I will let it alone as long as they do. If they were to get pushy or demanding, I will not lie about my lack of belief. They have to be willing to let it go as well. Relationships where one party is not ok with this do not last long...
I come from a culture where that has never existed or occurred. Even though I am Christian, I still have some Hindu symbols and Islamic evil eye at my house.
Answer the question. What would you do if your spouse converted to another religion? Would you be accepting of it? And what about kids? What would you do if they accepted another religion or became atheists?
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